hurt.. any advice?

[lizzy_hamilton17]

I'm the closest person to my boyfriend. But last night, when he got to boot and he got to make the call that said he's okay, he chose to call his sister and not me. 

I'm so hurt by this.  So, so so hurt.  I feel like its a stupid thing to be hurt over, but that call was all i'd get for three weeks.  And he promised me, that every chance he got to communicate with me, he would.  

I feel like maybe its a stupid thing to be hurt over, but at the same time, why? My heart hurts over this, and now i'm afraid its going to happen again. 

What do I do? 

How do I not be angry about this?  How do I talk to him about this, when he can't talk?  

Has anyone else had a similar situation to this? and how did you handle it? 

[Mandy0801]

I had a similar situation... But it was with his mom... I understand moms always come before girlfriends... But I did feel a little sad that I didn't get to tAlk to him. We went from talking everyday to not talking for 3 weeks. It was hard not going lie. But you need to look at the bright side... What's done is done. Now you look forward to getting letters. Write to him once you get his address. Be there for him let him know your staying strong for him and that your okie... People say it gets easier.. It does but you never stop missing him. There will be more calls and letters just hang in there. For talking to him about it, It's your relationship do what you think is right. But just know right now family is first girlfriends are second.. Just be strong

[Alex's Girl]

When my LO went to OCS, his call went to his parents. And when he finally got phone privileges three weeks later, the first call also went to his family. Honestly, it hurts at first. But it isn't worth it to be angry. My LO said the same thing- he would take any opportunity to talk to me. However, we come second to our bfs until we get engaged/married. Blood is always going to be thicker than water. But being upset over it, and telling him you're mad over it, will upset him also. If you put yourself in their shoes, the first instinct you have is to reach out to your family. We spend our entire lives with them, they brought us into this world, and they've been there through it all. Honestly, it makes sense that they receive the first communication privileges. I wouldn't even doubt that he's writing you a letter right away to send to you the first chance he gets. If you want to talk to him about it, you can't go about it in attack mode. You should just explain that you were a little bummed because you hoped you would get the last call. I guarantee the first thing he will say is that he's sorry, because he would never want to purposely upset you. The best way to get past it is to be thankful that he is there and okay, and communicate frequently with his family. You can lean on each other and any communication you get from your LO will be known as soon as it happens. It gets easier with time, I promise. 

[lizzy_hamilton17]

Its just confusing to me, since my boyfriend isn't really close with any of his family.  I'm the closest person to him. 

And thank you so much, Alex's girl.  Your reply truly means a lot to me, and I appreciate how nice you were about it! Thank you so much. 

[EmilyNicole98]

This is an extremely common occurrence, although it's usually between mothers and girlfriends. Emotions run high during boot camp and there's always resentment toward whoever gets the phone calls, no matter who it is. But, you should know that that first phone call...it's a nothing phone call. They literally cannot deviate from a script and the call only lasts for a few seconds. In a few weeks, he'll get about 10-15 minutes hopefully. He might have chosen not to call you because he knew this and didn't want to hurt you. It would have been very hard to hear his voice but not have time to ask him if he was okay or say you love him or anything. The call is lightening quick. My husband -boyfriend at the time- chose to call his mom that first time but called me the other three times he was able to. At the time I wanted every single phone call to myself, but that's not fair - your Sailor has other people in his life that he loves just as much and he can't put all his effort into just one person. It wouldn't be fair and it would be making him choose. Chin up, the three weeks will fly by and soon you'll be hearing his voice and then seeing him at graduation!

[lizzy_hamilton17]

Oh my goodness, you have no Idea how appreciative I am of this.  Thank you SO much.   I never even thought about it like that.  You're so right, he probably didn't want to hurt my feelings.  And knowing him, he probably thought that was the best way to go about it. 

And you're right about the being selfish part.  I know I can't really hold it against him, its just hard not to want his calls all to myself.:( 

[Mackenzie33]

This happened to me several times during boot camp. There were several times when my boyfriend got a phone call and he chose his mom over me every time but one. I was very hurt by it and confused because, like you, my boyfriend wasn't close to his mom. What helped me get through boot camp was writing to him everyday, whether he could communicate back or not. It felt like I got to talk to him everyday and it made getting something from him even more special. After writing to him and expressing my frustration (in a calm and nice way), I took time on PIR weekend to take him aside and talk to him alone. This was the best thing for me because I got a real answer on how he was feeling and I could explain to him how I was feeling. It was important so I knew we were on the same page. I recommend doing that! Also, just be patient with him. They are so desensitized during boot camp and are cut off completely from the outside world. I've learned that while there and for a while after, showing emotion and talking about emotions is really hard for them. Anyway, good luck! If you want to add me, I'm happy to talk to you about anything! My boyfriend graduated boot in June and it sounds similar to your situation! Would love to help!

[lizzy_hamilton17]

Thank you very much! I most certainly will!