Feeling down

[hearthhaven]

Our son doesn't leave for BC until January 6th but I am struggling pretty badly this morning with his leaving in January. I don't want him to leave. I don't. I don't I don't. I am going to miss my baby  so very much. I feel like the time has all be squandered and I haven't spent enough with him over the years. I want a redo to appreciate each of those lost precious moments. I swear I would embrace them more and cherish them more deeply. They are just gone. Gone too fast. I want to run away with him and just hold him and not let go. Do something special to remember. Just me and him. My heart is breaking and my soul is aching and my whole body feels the pain. This just sucks! So bad.

[hearthhaven]

Thanks to all of you for your support.  It's so wonderful to be able to talk to others who know the feelings.  He was sworn in back in June and leading up to that, I was a mess.  Then afterwards, I've been okay, for the most part, until yesterday.  And I know as these next 90 days (now less) tick by, I will have some more 'panic days' the closer it gets.  I am cherishing each of these moments we have now before he leaves.  The holidays will be bittersweet this year.  SO glad he is going to be here with us this last time; so sad that it may be the last time for a long time.  

I don't let him see my pain.  I only let him see my love and my pride and he gets (and gives) some tight hugs.  I am so very proud of him and his decision.  I know this is what he wants to do and what he has wanted to do for several years since he started JROTC in 9th grade.  I know he doesn't want to be stuck in the job he has now (it's a good job but not something he wants to do for a long time).  I know he has limited opportunities here and that he needs to spread his wings and fly, become his own person, follow his own path.  It's just hard.  I know all these things logically but sometimes my heart just aches as we watch him spread his wings. 

[navymom]

It helps to know that other people feel the same way. Its so hard to let them go.I just think when I get to talk to him I will feel better! But I am so proud just having a hard time to let go.

[LisaMAmom]

Hearthhaven, I was exactly where you are now back in August. It was so hard to let go and I would go in and out of tears before he left. I just wouldn't let my son see me cry. I had to be strong for him. This is what he chose and what he wanted. I had to learn it wasn't about me anymore. May peace be with you and your family.

[anasazigypsy]

My SR left for BC on 9/23. I felt the same way. He was also in NJROTC for all 4 years of high school. He is my grandson whom I have raised since he was two and it has been just he and I in all that time. I took him on a week long camping trip 30 days or so before his ship out date. Was it hard to take the time off work? Yes, but I knew it would be something I would always regret if I didn't. We knew last holidays he probably would not be here this year, so we tried to make them extra memorable. Now a month into BC, I still tear up several times a day. Unlike many others, I let him see the tears, and must have told him a million times how much I would miss him. I also told him that was the selfish part of me who was thinking about how I felt, but the part of me that wants the best in life for him is proud and happy for him. I know that for me PIR will also be a time of mixed emotions. Ecstatic to see him and very,very proud, but again the selfish part knowing this is truly the end of the life we shared together. We raise these kids to be strong,independent, and find their own path in life, but the time comes too quickly :( and the selfish part hurts a LOT.

[Rhonda]

I couldn't have said it better! My only child leaves in May and I can't stop thinking of how different life will be. Proud but sad

[Sukie]

As the mother of a Nuke and a second son heading to bootcamp on Dec, 10, I feel you completely. I literally ached with sadness the whole time my Nuke was at bootcamp.  It's awful not knowing for the first time what and how your child is doing at any given moment for weeks on end.  Here's the thing, though..it is ALL worth it when you are sitting in the hangar at graduation and the garage doors roll up to allow 700something SAILORS march in. The pride and awe you will feel will wipe out all of the heartache, at least it did for me.  The prospect of my second son leaving in December is equally sad as the first, but this time I know how I will feel at the end of it, and how awesomely proud he will be.

This is a great thing your son is doing.  It is a great institution he is becoming a part of.

[adpsmom]

I have good days and bad days when I think about my son leaving. He leaves on January 7th, so it looks like our son's will be there at the same time. Hopefully we can share this journey together. It is going to be tough. I know that when that day comes I will be a wreck! I am really thankful that he will be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. He graduated from college back in May and he has been at home working since then. It will be so hard not having him at home every day. Despite my anxiety and sadness, I have an overwhelming since of pride and I know that he will do just fine!

[hearthhaven]

I feel the same way.  I am going to be on my knees when he leaves, dissolved in tears.  I can feel it.  I don't know why but I woke up this morning and my first thought was to count the days until he leaves.  Don't like starting my day on a down note but it just overtook me.  

I would love to share this journey together! I will send you a friend request on here so we can hold each other up! Our son graduated from high school in June and has been working since then.  

Like you, I have that deep sense of pride.  This is what HE wants and what he feels is the best path for him and I respect and honor that.  Although he has a decent job here, I know that it is not something he wants to do for the rest of his life and that the Navy will offer him so many opportunities that he just can't get around here.  it's just so hard as a momma to let go.  He's our oldest so this is our first experience with one of them leaving home for good.  (We have five kids).  No one tells you how hard giving them their wings is going to be! And I'm so glad that this website exists because I just don't feel that my friends who's kids have gone off to college really understand that there just seems to be a big difference between sending them to college and sending them off to the military.  Those weeks in bootcamp when there's so little contact are going to be so tough! He will be going to A school in Pensacola so we can plan some road trips down there.  A nine hour drive, but I will do it!!!!  

The holidays will be bittersweet for those of us with kids leaving afterwards.  I am pretty certain I will have a lump in my throat throughout.  But I will do my very best to be strong for him.  

I have seen in the past few weeks that he seems to be feeling the bite as well.  He's still determined but I see in the things that he does and says that he's more aware of 'this may be the last time for a while' things.  So I am doing all I can to reassure him and support him and cheer him on.  

Look for my friend request.  We can get through this together as so many other moms have! 

[adpsmom]

Our son is our oldest, too. You are definitely right about there being a difference in sending them off to college and send them off to the military. Our son went to college three years ago and graduated this past May. He went to a college that was only about 40 minutes away. He played baseball, so really did not get home as often as you would think, but I could always call and talk to him whenever I wanted.  We also have two daughters that are away at college 2 hrs away from home. Being 13+ hrs away with very limited communication is going to be something entirely different!

I noticed that you are in North Carolina. Where about in NC are you. We are about 30 minutes or so from the North Carolina border.

[NF2015]

I feel the same way you do. My son left for BC yesterday.I thought it was a great idea to scrub and thoroughly clean his bathroom the day after I saw him off, but it just made matters worse. I looked like poor Cinderella weeping and scrubbing the shower floor. It's like a stab to the heart each time I pass by his bedroom and get a whiff of his scent. I am so proud of him and all that he has accomplished at a young age, but wow, this is hard on the chest!