when your sailor is burnt out....

[socalnavymom]

My son is in prototype with about three months to go. He is so very frustrated and stressed out. He wants out of the program completely, but wants to stay in the Navy. Has anyone whose sailor completed the program offer any advise or words of wisdom? He is an ET. He does pray about it everyday, and of course, I am praying for him, too.

[Quiet Mom]

Good that you both incorporate prayer and faith in such a monumental decision!  Leaving the nuke program means going to the fleet where ever the Navy needs you and it could be unenjoyable for someone of your son's caliber.

Our Navy chaplain neighbor did a stint at Nuke school when it was in Orlando.  He had a revolving door of students seeing him for stress!!  Encourage your son to seek advice and strength through one of the chaplains.  He isn't the only sailor feeling such stress.  It would be good for him to know that he is not alone in his feelings.  With support he can make it through!!

But whatever happens, it is wonderful that he has parents who love him no matter what and that he knows his worth in God's eye is not his job, but his soul.

[Frances5901]

Try to encourage him. It is tough but my son is a Nuke. He has been in for almost 6 years. His future is so bright after he gets out. He enjoys life. But it was hard getting there. A few months... just support him and ask him to hold on and get through it!

[Quiet Mom]

As you encourage your son, and yourself, another discussion to check out is "Prototype DQ Process of transition to DTP."  You'll find good advice there too.  Best wishes to you all.

[BoyWonderMom]

Socalnavymom, sorry to hear that your son wants out of the program. At this point my son is a month into prototype in GC. He's a bit behind the curve,and so is 70% of his class. I can feel that he's is a bit stressed when I talk to him during the weekend, but his only concern is that it will be a long 6 months of hard labor.
My son also prays everyday that he can get the sign offs he needs to stay on track. Some days are better than others. It's very important that they get a breather and enjoy their time off, a small vent in their otherwise airtight life! Try to reach B'snukemom. Her son is almost done with prototype in NY. Im pretty sure she'll give you great advice. Hope with all my heart that your son finds his way, that the stress will be less and that he'll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll be praying for him and mom also :)

[maureenwithfive]

You may want to approach this situation by asking your son what his long-term goals are.  We all know our boys and girls will be able to walk into a six-figure job after their time as a nuc.

That's rather appealing, and if his long-term goals fall into having a great job that pays a lot of money after he's done serving in the Navy, this may help him to look beyond the current stress levels and to the rainbow at the other side of his Navy career.

I'm on the fence about talking to a Navy Chaplain about this yet, as quite often it gets disseminated to the SLPOs and sometimes turns the option of staying or leaving into a decision made by his superiors for your son to leave the nuc program without a choice.

If your son is looking for spiritual advice, he could always go to a church outside of the Navy's realm.

Best wishes!

[Penny_Nuke_MM2_NimitzNuke]

Hello socalnavymom, I think just about every Nuke out there can relate.  By this time most have been in close to two years and are getting pretty tired, they are now on rotating shifts and haven't quite figured out how to sleep in the day time, they are using a lot of their funds to purchase food because they don't have time to sleep and cook and work.  That said, he is ALMOST done.  Encouragement is the best thing that I can give for you to help him thru.  My son made it thru the pipeline and then was asked to stay on at Prototype in BS and be an instructor for an additional two years - which means rotating shift work for two more years)!!  He would ask your son a couple of things - 1) when you are so close, why would you be willing to throw it all away and 2) what is it about the program/ET that you are burned out with?  If it is just the rotating shifts, the constant learning, the get up and go, go, go - he will find that in most of the ratings.  However, there are many that are just tired of the Nuke program and want out and most times (not always) the Navy can find another rating for them but it is extremely difficult to get out of a rating (ANY rating for that matter). 

He needs to be very careful to not be thought of as having psychological problems or depression as that will give him a fast track to Groton where he will spend his days cleaning floors.  With my son being in 4 years so far I have gotten to know many students that have reached it to the end of the pipeline and are finally in the fleet and all will tell you that they were glad to be done with the pipeline.  Others that went straight out on deployment will tell you they wish they were back in school!!    It's all a (pardon the pun) crap shoot on whether a rating is a perfect fit for a sailor or not.  The fact that your son has made it this far says that he must have something in him that fits within the Nuke program.

Don't know if that helps any at all, but I would also encourage him to talk to other ETs that are excelling and see what it is that they are doing that is getting them thru.

[socalnavymom]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I found wisdom in each of your advise and I will share it with him. He is not depressed, thankfully. Just frustrated with the process, I think,- trying to get check outs and such.

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

socalnavymom - I'm really going to 2nd what Penny has said here.  It is a long process and there is a lot of pressure and maybe things aren't going exactly how your son thought, but he's made it this far and hopefully he will be done soon!  My son has experienced one delay after another - he got to BS in January, started Proto in April, took his 50% exam in July and yet still we have no idea as to when he will finish.  He just takes it one day at a time.  Some days are better than others, some days he sounds good & other days he sounds tired.  I just keep reminding him that yes, this is the hardest thing he has ever done but soon the "class work" stuff will be done and then he'll be on to a whole 'nother set of challenges LOL.  Like so many he wants to get out to the fleet yesterday.  There will be plenty of time for that down the line.  I tell my son often that no matter what happens with the program, at the end of the day it's not the end of the world.  There are some that don't make it and are completely removed from the Navy and there are some that get re-rated.  Of those that have been re-rated I hear that they are happy with the way things worked out.  But there is no guarantee.....  Hopefully your son has a good core group of friends/roommates that he can speak with and they can all try to boost each other's confidence. 

Hopefully this is just a low hurdle that he can get over and things will be better soon.

It definitely can be a frustrating situation - I know when we hang up after talking to our son each week I am frustrated with how things are going and I'm not even there!

I hope and pray that things work out for him and he starts feeling better about the situation.

[Sighthndlady]

3 months seems like such a long time when they're under so much pressure to perform, but it's really only a heartbeat in the course of a lifetime.  My son found prototype to be extremely frustrating:  lots of waiting to get the chance to get something signed off on, then enormous pressure to get it all done when it seemed to be the Navy's fault things were delayed in the first place. 

But he'll be out of there and into the fleet soon.  The pressure after prototype is not gone, but it's completely different.  Encourage him every way that you can think of to hang in there.  He's already survived A School, Powerschool and 1/2 of prototype.  He can do it. 

Then he can start counting the days until he gets out.

[Penny_Nuke_MM2_NimitzNuke]

So here is a story that you can share with him and maybe he won't feel quite as bad !!!  My son was one month into being on-crew and getting his sign-offs when they found that one of the newer Jr. Staff Instructors didn't realize that he couldn't do more than one qual sign-off at a time and so they went back and for everyone that had received sign-offs from this instructor, THEY TOOK THEM ALL AWAY.  It so happened that my son had more than 50 points from that instructor and that was the ONLY points that he had thus far.  He was not back to ZERO and now totally DINQ (delinquent in nuclear qualifications) and was angry, stressed, unhappy, and almost feeling defeated.  But, he picked himself up, dusted himself off and started in on qualifications all over again.  Before he was done he was more than 100 points DINQ and had another 140 points sitting awaiting signatures.  Talk about discouraging!  BUT, he hung in there, tracked down instructors, worked longer hours to find those instructors and still was one of the two highest GPAs in his prototype class and was asked to stay on and become an instructor because in spite of adversity he stood up and fought the fight without showing aggression, outward anger, and worked well with the instructors to make it happen.  Your son can do this - it is just a blip!

[Caryatid]

"Frustrated" is the default state of being at prototype.  Just hoping that your sailor graduates on time.   Mine was there for 12 months.  Major equipment problems kept delaying their progress, and they were not allowed to take leave. 

There is comfort in numbers--EVERYONE is stressed and frustrated and hitting brick walls.  That's part of the program.  They are watching how the sailors handle pressure, boredom, frustration. 

Do your supportive mom stuff and know that he is being tested in a crucible and will be better for it.

[socalnavymom]

Thank you, again, everyone for the support and advise. We talk pretty much everyday and I try to encourage him. He was a bit mislead by his recruiter (surprise, surprise) as to what the job entailed. He had already graduated from a 4 year university and could of gone officer, but after his test score, the pushed him hard to go Nuke. There are other jobs he would of enjoyed more, but this one will payoff in the end. ;-)

I did share what each of you said with him...