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Mothers...warn you Navy daughters!
My daughter is in the last year of her four years devoted to the Navy; I am going to highly advise her NOT to re-enlist. Why, you ask? this past year of her "Navy career" has been traumatic!
In December 2013, my daughter met a young Navy man on another ship and they fell in love (?). By May 2014 they were getting married and my daughter was pregnant. This just before her young husband was deploying and my daughter didn't get to continue with her ship from San Diego to Hawaii.
So, this young couple just starting out barely had a month together before the hubby deploys for 6 months. It was a nightmare of my pregnant daughter working her Navy duties and taking care of the home front. IT didn't matter how hard she tried, she couldn't satisfy her husband's demands of all the things he should have taken care of before he left. Twice during his deployment, he threatened divorce via texting/email; and my daughter had to intervien 4 months into her hubby's deployment, because he was threatening suicide.
My son-in-law's ship returned to San Diego Christmas Eve, one week before the baby was due. My daughter went into labor December 30th and after a complicated birth at the Navy hospital (omg, did the hospital screw up), my grandson was born on Dec 31st, 2014.
Now, it's been 7 - 8 weeks since my son-in-law has been home and he wants a separation/divorce from the marriage to my daughter; he now realizes he can't handle being a husband or a Dad. His actions have been immature and selfish. My daughter will have a very hard time trying to make it as a single mother in San Diego and finish up her 4 year obligation. I hope to make her realize, she needs to move back home (whether it be in northern Missouri or here in Arkansas) to get help with the baby and get on her feet independently. She loves her son and is willing to be a great Mom; she wanted her son to have a Dad in the picture, though.
I'm sure this happens more than what we think, that our daughter's get thrown into a military romance with young men who should have their persona "all together". But sadly, the young men still want to party, play their video games and not step up to the obligations once life gets hard. I just hope my daughter makes the right decision......
Views: 949
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by shermur (ship 12 div 121) on
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Just an added thought....I accepted the fact, that my daughter is of age and her life is her decision(s). I want nothing more than her happiness. I am very proud of what my daughter has accomplished in the Navy and it has put some discipline in her life. She is now scared to come back to the civilian life (of course, I think this is a tactic of the Navy to get re-enlistments). I advised my daughter that she has family who loves her and will help to get her re-adjusted back into civilian life.
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Permalink Reply by mak9kakmom on
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First I have to say what does the Navy have to do with your daughters decisions in her personal life. It's her job isn't it. I don't think the Navy is the reason your daughter and her husband have had issues and is the Navy responsible for her getting pregnant. I have a daughter in the Navy and that is her job and I am very proud of that but for what she does as a woman in her personal life has nothing to do with the uniform she wears during the day. I am really discourage by your post that it's the Navy's fault that your daughter met a guy that really wasn't mature enough to handle "adult" life yet. Very sad that you would encourage your daughter to get out because of personal life descisions. I am married to the military and have a sister with 30 years retired Marine Corps. Maybe it's just your daughter made a bad personal decision but I don't think the Navy made her do that. Blessing of your grandchild but I don't think it's the Navy's fault
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Permalink Reply by Theresa on
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All the best to your daughter and grandchild. I think I may have missed something, but I dont see how this is caused by being in the Navy? Although Id like to think we could expect better from the young military man. Youre daughter's a Sailor , she can do it!
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This is still bothering me that you would post that. It could have happened if she was in college or at work in the civilian world. I would be encouraging her to stay in the Navy where she will have a job with great benefits..I would be afraid to get out and trying to find a job while trying to take care of a baby. Why would you not encourage her to further her Navy career why is the Navy to blame - You haven't answered??
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Amen to this, Theresa...that is my whole point. I was very excited that she found a miltary man to fall in love with, to marry and build a family with. My daughter has dated much worse in the past, so I figured this decision was a good one. I hurt because ,y daughter hurts.
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Permalink Reply by TwoForTheNavy on
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Did I miss a post? She made a poor choice in a man. This can happen in civilian life or Navy life? The Navy is her job, even civilian jobs have demands. It's sounds more like she married a demanding, childish "man", which could happen in civilian life. At least being a single mom in the Navy she has a job with benefits to provide for her child, might not happpen in civilian life, not that easy out here. Perhaps encourage her to make better choices in men not to get out of the Navy.
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My feelings exactly TwoForTheNavy....I would encourage her to stay in the Navy with the safety net of a good job and benefits. Life happens everywhere..Don't blame the Navy!!!
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Permalink Reply by CryptoDad on
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I'm in total agreement, mak9kakmom.
My daughter has been in the Navy for over 10 years. In that time she's made a couple of personal decisions that didn't play out very well. But they were her personal decisions, not anything forced on her by the Navy. In those 10 years the Navy have given her a well paying job, great benefits including a college education and an incredible resume.
She's thinking about getting out at the end of this enlistment and I'm wishing that she change her mind and stay in! Things are still too uncertain in the civilian world.
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Permalink Reply by Pat (MP) on
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I have to agree with what the other moms have said, "What does the Navy have to do with this?" Girls have romances whether they are in the Navy or in college and they choose the wrong guy to hook up with all of which has nothing to do with the Navy.And those guys that are immature and still play video games are not just in the Navy. My daughter has been in the Navy for 8 yrs and her boyfriend is also in the Navy so not all of our daughters end up with immatire sailors, etc.
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I am not so much blaming the Navy for any of this; I wish my daughter could continue in the Navy. I am just saying, to warn your daughters of the short romances, of the immature young men in the military period.
Yes, my daughter has huge regret falling in love and marrying someone she didnt' know well enough, but she doesn't regret her son.
My concern is....if her Navy husband has abandoned my daughter and their son, how does she continue in the Navy without support? What are her guarantees? How will she survive? No base housing, daycare waiting lists, no human to answer the phone at Navy Legal. When she gets divorced (if and when), she loses the money that she has received since they got married, and will the Navy make her dead beat soon to be ex-hubby (who re-enlisted recently)..be accountable somehow, someway.
My daughter did not ask for this? Her hopes were to have a wonderful new, little family. Her hopes and dreams crushed because she doesn't feel like she can continue in the Navy due to doubts and fears, with no affirmation(s). I know, my daughter was on the right track, now she feels she has no choice but to return home so she has no doubts who loves her and who will get her back on her feet again. I do not see anyone else eager to respond to my daughter's requests and my daughter has to put HER son first.....
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The whole point of my post? Just let your Navy daughters know that not every Navy and/or military "man" can be considered a good choice. My daughter is very limited right now of what will happen with her life choices...I just wish her husband would step up and be the man he should be!!!!!
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I think you are blaming Navy why..don't like your advice and my Navy daughter will be making her own personal mistakes and won't blame the navy if it doesn't work..life brings all kinds of ups and downs can't blame your employer because you picked an idiot for a husband
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