Marry before or Later?

[Bisousmommy]

Hello. So as of yesterday my boyfriend has sworn into the Navy. He will be leaving for Boot May 5th. When he started the process to joining the Navy we discussed getting married before he leaves. We have been together 7 years and know we want to get married. We are just concerned if we need to marry before so that I will be financially okay while he is gone. Would he be able to help with paying the bills when he is gone, or will I have to be his wife in order for us to be able to pay the bills? I just don't want us to rush into a wedding when we could relax and plan longer. Any thoughts or information I can look into about this?

Thanks in advance!

[Sailorswife2716]

My husband and I were together 7.5 years when we got married, the next year he enlisted in the navy. If you already plan on getting married I would say getting married before he leaves for BC will definitely make things easier

[Sailorswife2716]

You will receive BAH and separation pay while he's in BC and in A school :) and you will be guaranteed in his orders to go to his permanent duty station

[HayleyMc]

My fiancee and I were in the same boat trying to decide if we were going to get married before or after bootcamp. We got engaged after he already enlisted. We talked to his recruiter about the benefits of marrying before or after, and they told us that if we got married before he leaves for bootcamp it would affect his bootcamp date. He had already waited 8 months for his ship out date, and he would have to wait like another year if we got married. We decided to just wait until after, since he had already waited to long. He just left on February 2nd. We set up a joint account with Navy Federal before he left, so he could still help out with bills and other things. It might be different for you, but I would definitely talk to his recruiter about it!

[Bisousmommy]

Thanks. I don't want to cause issues for his ship date. He waited long enough to get to this point I can't delay that. 

[HayleyMc]

No problem. I hope everything works out for you guys!

[beben528]

My husband and I originally planned to marry after basic, but we figured hey, why wait? We both love each other and it's going to happen eventually. So, we married each other a few weeks after he swore in. The ceremony was like, 10 minutes long. It wasn't stressful whatsoever. Although it sucks that we weren't able to have a proper wedding, the civil wedding sufficed. Only the most important people need to be there and you don't have to all dress up so much. It really does make things a hell of a lot easier because his pay is bigger than what a single sailor would. It also makes paperwork easier because he'll be going in as a married sailor. 

My husband's bootcamp date wasn't affected by the marriage at all.

We do plan on having a larger wedding later on in life though! Hopes this helps :)

[Bisousmommy]

Yea we have thought about having a small wedding. I don't want a huge one anyways. Our mothers have been kind of prepping things since his discussion to join the Navy. So I doubt we will have a civil service. 

[beben528]

Well, whichever works best for you and your family. All in all, I think you will benefit more from marrying now vs. later, unless it affects his leave date. 

[Bisousmommy]

His leave date will be my true concern. I think I will be trying to meet with his recruiter this week to find out. 

[WifeofaUSsailor]

My husband and I were in a similar situation before he left for bootcamp. We had been dating six years and weren't sure whether to marry before or after bootcamp for the same reasons you had. My husband left for bootcamp on January 6th and is actually graduating in two days (woohoo!). We got married in December. Honestly I'm sooo happy we did it that way and didn't wait. It is easier being married when you have a significant other in the military. I moved down to where his A school is going to be and since we were married I was able to get my military ID card so I could go to the commissary and exchange. You will also be put on their Tricare plan and they get paid a little bit more each month for being married. I also did have access to his Navy Federal accounts which helped pay our bills, however he should set up his NF accounts and put you as joint owner BEFORE bootcamp that way you can access them, it's much easier. I'm doing college online right now instead of working so it was nice I had access to those. But besides the practical reasons for getting married now instead of later make sure it's something you're both comfortable with. I was just so ready to be married that I didn't want to wait but if you feel you want to then I would. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend and enjoy the time you spend together before he leaves, it goes by quick!

[Bisousmommy]

Thanks. We have been playing with the marriage idea for a long time. We both have been trying to get established. He is going in reserve so thankfully I will be able to keep my job. He is actually the one who started the conversation about getting married before instead of waiting till afterwards. He has to meet with his recruiter at the end of the week since he just swore in. So I think we will schedule it for a time when I can go. Congrats to you and your husband! I can't wait to be on that side of things! When he was first offered in contract yesterday morning it said he would leave March 28th for boot. I panicked a little with that one. By the time he got his security clearance approved it changed to May 5th. So we have two months to get things in order. 

[Anti M]

I get so angry with recruiters.  A recruit may ship with two dependents without a waiver.  If a couple marries more than 60 days before the ship date, then the recruiter will have plenty of time to do the (minimal) extra paperwork.  They either don't like to do it, or they think they know better than the couple and think waiting will be better for the sailor.  For brand new couples, perhaps, but it should be their decision, not the recruiter's choice.

To the Navy, a girlfriend or fiance does not exist.  No one cares about your years building a relationship. You do not have legal access to your partner, that reverts to his parents.  The money and benefits are actually secondary to that, and they are pretty darn good.  A married sailor gets BAH for the spouse, plus FSA while apart.  You get healthcare, and access to base facilities, any branch.  Base pay for new sailors is not a lot, so the extra money is quite attractive. Base pay is the same for married or single, it is the special pays and allowances which add up.

You do not have a lot of time to do a civil ceremony if that is what you decide.  Best to go do it and present the recruiter with the marriage certificate, and put your foot down about it.  If a more traditional wedding is what you two want, then you may end up waiting until after A school (he is not coming home immediately after boot camp).  Since he is in the reserves, you don't have to worry about a move to the first duty station, or overseas orders.  Those are often the biggest concerns.