This Future Spouse Has Lots Of Questions!

[satgirl]

Okay, first a little background. My sailor and I have been dating very seriously since September. He left in November for bootcamp. We made it through that, I saw him on Christmas, where he first mentioned getting married a few years down the road. Then after saying goodbye after graduation a couple weeks later, he made it to Goose Creek for Nuke School. He's currently in A School and set to graduate in July. Which is when we want to get married (lots of discussion and realization of us not wanting to be apart went into this.) But I have a lot of questions as I do not come from a military background of any sort.
I want to know everything. What does he have to do before we get married? After we're married, how do I go about obtaining my ID? How long does it take to get military housing set up? What is the military housing like down there? By the time I get there he will be E-4. Would it be better to get an apartment or should we go with the base housing? I want to hear other girls' experiences because frankly, I'm a bit overwhelmed. He's explained stuff to me before, but I'd like someone to give me a full rundown of what I can expect, from the day we're married to me moving in with him down there. 
Is it worth planning a wedding ceremony and reception and all that? I was planning on just going to the courthouse and being done with it, but my family wants a reception at least. Any ideas? :) 

Thank you in advance!

[WifeofaUSsailor]

Hey there!
I will tell you about my situation as I think its fairly similar. My husband and I got married back in December and he left for bootcamp in January. At the time he had to talk to his recruiter and get a bunch of paperwork filled out but your boyfriend might just want to talk to his chief or student support at his A school and see what steps he needs to take. When you are married you will go to a base with your husband and get your ID there. I actually just asked the gate guard where I was at and asked where the office was to get my ID and he pointed me in the right direction. If your husband isn't with you you'll need to obtain a form called DD1173 from your husband saying you can get an ID. But it's easier just to have your husband with you. I can't help you with military housing since I have not lived in it before. However, I am currently living at an apartment off base at my husbands A school. I like it but I would really like to live on base just because it would be close to the exchange and the commisary and my husband wouldn't have to drive to work every morning. But we didn't get the option while he was in A school :(
As far as the wedding goes, my husband and I had a church wedding and a reception after and I'm honestly really happy we did. There were so many wonderful memories and it's worth all the stress of planning to have your big day. I also considered a courthouse wedding but my family said they would help us pay for the wedding and reception so we went that route.
And as far as feeling overwhelmed, don't worry about it! I felt the same exact way. But I have absolutely loved military life so far and am glad my husband chose this career path. I was afraid we wouldn't have enough money to support ourselves at first, but the military does a good job of taking care of you. My husband is an E-2 right now and I'm not working, just going to school and we make it just fine. So especially with your husband being an E-4 you don't need to worry about the financial aspect (if you're even worried at all).
Good luck to you guys! And if you have any more questions feel free to ask :)

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

1. He'll want to make his command aware that he's planning to get married. Since he's doing it after A school, he *shouldn't* need to fill out a chit or anything, but he'll just need to make his chain of command aware so they can let him know what else he needs to do for "approval".

2. After you're married, he'll need to put you on his page 2 and you'll need to get enrolled in DEERs. His page 2 being updated is what will make you eligible for housing/BAH. Being enrolled in DEERs will give you base privileges and insurance and will allow you to get your ID. He'll update his page 2 with his command, and then you can go with him to a Pass and ID office to get enrolled in DEERs and get your ID. 

3. It will not take long at all to get into base housing down in Goose Creek. Usually you can get a house within a week of applying as long as you are not picky. There's a few different communities down there. You're likely to be in the old housing, but make sure you ask for a renovated house. The unrenovated old housing is not quite as nice as the renovated. Honestly, I would look at apartments off base and just plan on renting if your financial situation allows that. You'll get a bit more for your money than in on base housing down there. My husband lived in the Berkshires at St. Ives when he lived down there, and we never had a problem with the area or with the management. I suggest staying away from most Goose Creek apartments though... most of Goose Creek off base isn't a great area. 

4. Whether or not it's worth planning a wedding ceremony and reception is up to you. It can be a bit difficult to plan with the military, but if he can get an answer on leave dates now for after A school, you may have time to plan. 

As far as my experience goes. My husband and I started dating when I was 15. When I was 16 he left for boot camp and headed down to SC for Nuke school when I was 17. We did long distance until after his first deployment when we got married and I moved out with him to his duty station. We just did a courthouse wedding for the time being (seesh, that was already 3 years ago!), and we plan to have a bigger wedding later on with our family. I'm hoping to do it on our 5 year anniversary so it'll be a sweet vow renewal! It's your marriage and your life, your family will learn to deal with whatever you decide is best for you and your future husband. :) 

If you have any questions, please feel free to message me! :)

[satgirl]

Thank you so much for your help :)

[cobrabubbles]

Wow I didn't realize how similar some situations can be to mine. My boyfriend is currently on the Carl Vinson after having finished Nuke school in goose creek. We've been together for years now and have gone through all this together, however now we've been talking about getting married and I have all the same questions. I have family members in the Army but the Navy is different for some things. For example i'm going to school but if i move and get married will my financial aid be affected? And so much more, its so great finding people in similar situations because this has put so much stress on me at the same time I am absolutely happy!

[cobrabubbles]

Oh and as far as the actual wedding part, we've been talking about it and I was really okay with a court but he likes the idea of a ceremony, I'm not much of a dancer so yeah haha I like not being in a spotlight (and my family would definitely make me have one) but we kind of like the idea of getting married first and planning a ceremony later. Don't stress too much, that's what i'm trying to do :)

[satgirl]

I think that's probably what we're going to do. Just a courthouse wedding for now, and depending on how we feel about it later having a nice ceremony.