Got married while in DEP program

[MrsHD528]

Hey ladies, I hope somebody can give me some insight because as you can all probably attest to, sometimes its hard to play telephone between my future sailor and the recruiters.

So, when my husband first started his enlistment process, we were engaged and his recruiter talked with us about the benefits/drawbacks of getting married prior vs. waiting and we decided to get married before he leaves. His recruiter originally told him it would be no problem if we got married before, wouldn't change anything, etc. During his enlistment process, his recruiter left and now he has kind of been bounced around to the other recruiters who work in his recruitment office and now he is getting conflicting information.

He swore into the DEP program on May 14th and we were married on May 28th. The other recruiters have basically told him that they "don't know" anything about him being married, and advised him to wait until he gets to basic, ask to speak to personnel, and let them know at that time that he has a wife at home. They all KNOW he is married and are basically turning a blind eye and saying nothing needs to change before he leaves. 

This is making me really nervous because he mentioned to me yesterday about signing his recertification every week when he weighs in saying that nothing has changed since he went to MEPS. I'm worried he's going to get in trouble, or worse, sent home because of this "lie" even though he has tried to be honest. He reassured me that the recruiters know what they're doing, they've done this before, etc. but I am still uneasy about this. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you!

[wigglyturtle]

No, this is absolutely not correct. They are just avoiding doing paperwork. My husband swore in at MEPS in August, we married in December and he left for basic in March. They knew we were getting married as we were engaged before he even went to talk to them the first time. Once we were married, we had to go to the recruiting station with my birth certificate, social security card, and marriage certificate. Then they added me as a dependent and all of that info went with him to boot camp. I think it is a really bad idea to wait until he gets there to tell them about being married, that could screw lots of things up. You mention the weekly recertification - even though they are telling him not to mention you, he is essentially lying and he will be the one to get in trouble, not them. I'm not sure what he shoudl do, but I will ask my husband if he has any advice and post back later tonight.

[wigglyturtle]

Oh, and I'm not sure about their experience, but my husband and I were the first ones our recruiter had dealt with that were married. They don't see it very often, so I wouldn't trust that "they know what they're doing" and "they've done this before" because they likely DON'T do it very often.

[Anti M]

His recruiter absolutely needs to do the paperwork; although it can be done at boot camp, it will delay your BAH and FSA.  Your husband should insist, although I understand that is intimidating.  He can also contact the Recruiter in Charge of the area, and complain/ask for guidance. He won't get in trouble, but his recruiters are not going to like it.  

Yeah, they're being slackers.  He should call them on their BS.  

[Sophia]

I kind of had a similar experience before my husband left. Long story short, right after we got married we took them our marriage certificate and they instantly updated his paperwork for when he went back to meps and needed a copy of my license, ss card and birth certificate. Did they at least take that info?

[CassieRose]

Hi! How are you?

I got married while my husband was in DEP. we had to bring our marriage license to the recruiting officer, they needed a copy of my new social security card and my new ID. We also had to go in to the office together and do a financial statement with one of the Chiefs of the office. Then they had to change his paperwork to note that he was married now. Because they had to put me down as a dependent. I would definitely try to call one of the higher ups in the office or try another recruiting station because you wanna make sure everything is situated before he leaves :)

[Jenn_NicksWifey]

There has to be paperwork done.  If the recruiter won't do it, find another recruiter.  What they are doing will screw you over in the end.  I actually had to sign something saying I was ok with my husband joining.  We also got married in DEP.  His recruiter was awesome and did everything the right way.  If he goes and he's married and they have no record of a wife, you won't get Housing Allowance, medical care, etc, etc, until he gets it fixed with is going to be a nightmare to do in bootcamp.  It was a process for my husband to get a copy of my social security card with my new last name faxed, and they had all the other paperwork done.  We got married about 10 weeks before he shipped off.  It could also affect whether or not you can move with him when he finishes A School - depending on how long his school is and how long it takes him to get it fixed.  All the offices my husband needed to arrange our move were closed by the time he got out of class in the afternoon, so he couldn't do any of it.  

Make them fix it.  Don't know how, but have your husband make them.  If he has to write on his recert form - I GOT MARRIED MAY 28 - to get them to fix it, do it.  Recruiters are notorious for not understanding how that married thing deeply affects people later.  Scroll through this forum - see how many people were advised to wait and then ended up paying for the move, lost out on BAH, or weren't able to get married because the one who enlisted couldn't get time off.