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Need some advice for my very unhappy sailor
Good evening all. My son will be graduating at Ballston Spa sometime in the next 6-7 weeks (plant is down, and that is all he needs to complete his training). He finally got his orders today and they are for Groton, CT. This was his 2nd to last choice. He has been performing at the top of his class from the day he left for boot and is regularly given verbal accolades from his superiors. I realize it is the Navy and the government and they will do as they wish, regardless of your input and that is essentially what they signed up for. However, I feel horrible for him and he is getting increasingly depressed about his efforts and the lack of recognition he gets for doing what he was raised to do "always do your best and you will come out on top." Words of advice I can pass along to him to help him come to terms with this upsetting news?
Views: 909
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by KAM Mom on
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I really believe that there is some reason, unknown at this time, that he needs to be in Groton, CT. Maybe he needs to meet someone or someone needs to meet him. He does not understand now, but he will at some point. He needs to be very proud of his success and all his accomplishments knowing there are still great things out there for him. Believe it! I do!
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Permalink Reply by CoNavyMom (Ship 14 Div 336) on
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Thank you! I have come to that conclusion as well, but he isn't ready to hear it yet. Hopefully, it will grow on him and he will come to like it and realize why he needs to be there.
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Permalink Reply by Tx Mom of Far Away Nuke on
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I think over-achievers can struggle in the military. You're just a cog in a machine. Things are done the way they have been done for decades. Wherever he wants to go, it doesn't matter how fantastic he did in school if they simply have no openings there. I hope he can focus on the fact that he's done something quite remarkable by graduating. I know of so many that had to drop out.
I hope he can come to terms with his new orders. Congrats to him for graduating at the top portion of his class!
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Permalink Reply by B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet) on
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CoNavyMom - I'm gonna agree with what everyone is saying. It's the needs of the navy. I'm sure they get tired of hearing this, but it is what it is. My son finished proto in January & ended up in VA. Norfolk was pretty low on his wish list (really low actually!) but he's there now on the USS Truman & he's doing well. They've been out on a few underways, are getting ready for a deployment later this year & so far so good. He's busy as all get out, working on quals & he has some amazing friends (some are nukes on his ship & some are on other ships - like his roommate). He's making the best of it. He sounds good (tired, but good!) when we talk to him and he's looking forward to deployment. I just wish it wasn't so far to visit - we are in CA.....
Just continue to encourage your son & remind him that there is a greater reason that they need in him CT.....tell him to keep an open mind & stay positive! Everything is for a reason.
Hugs to you (& to him!)
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Thank you, everyone for your words of encouragement! He wasn't happy with his NY assignment for prototype, but once he got there, he loved it. I think some of his disappointment comes from hoping he would be a little closer to home. I will pass your advice on to him and once again, thank you for all of your kind words!
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Hi CoNavyMom!
We are originally from northern California, and when we asked my son who was 2 at the time if he wanted to move to Connecticut he said, "NO! I want to go to Burger King!" Seventeen years later, I can't imagine living anywhere else in the US. The Groton base is pretty - and so close to the gorgeous Mystic Seaport, convenient to Boston and New York. The sub museum on base is fun and everyone is incredibly friendly. My husband works at Pfizer New London and my daughter has an internship at the Mystic Aquarium, so we would be very happy to help out your sailor at any point. It's tough to be so far from home for so long, I know my sailor would love to come to Groton when he is done with Nuke school, but I agree with the other moms that there is always some reason why a person is in a certain place at a certain time. If you can't change your situation, you can always change how you view it :)
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Permalink Reply by Gurk on
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My son also headed to Groton (referred to by an old Navy friend as "rotten Groton") Not on his wishlist, but happy to be moving on from school. My husband was a submariner, met his best friend in Groton, after being stationed on a sub he got stationed on a sub tender(he was pissed). It's where we met. Good things can come of "bad". Tell him to try to have a positive attitude. Unfortunately the needs of the Navy are always first and the more junior you are the worse your choices are.
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Permalink Reply by Nukemom (ship 09 div 310) on
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My son told us they have to balance the ships based on many factors:
what openings do they have
is it a coed ship? must have certain # of males and females
often, they already have some people designated (for a variety of reasons) for certain assignments before prototype even starts (I think).
My son was not in the top of his class (tried to drop out in power school, but they wouldn't let him. forced him to work harder and he passed!), but still received his first choice out of prototype. He is in Kingsbay, but lives in Jacksonville, so hasn't had a chance to make many friends (he and wife had baby 3 weeks ago too, so that makes a difference). However, he has attended ship functions and is starting to develop relationships. He is working hard to qualify and is getting ready for first deployment really soon.
One of you mentioned no matter what his assignment, he will be standing watch, qualifying, etc. This is very true. He is thinks he will be happy once he finishes qualifying.
No matter what his assignment, he has worked hard and hung in there. He said it is the hardest thing he's had to do in his long 20 years (haha). However, he said he is glad he went through it and wouldn't have made it without the encouragement and support of his family.
Your son has your support, clearly, and will do great things if he hangs in there and believes in himself. good luck
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