I miss my husband

[EnTurtle]

I haven't posted anything at N4M before.  This forum is kind of daunting in its immense size.  Plus most of the active members seem to be parents, which I'm sure comes with a completely separate group of emotions than what I'm going through.

My husband left for Boot one week ago today.  I've read everything about what to expect, what the schedule for boot is, everything.  I feel like I have a very good understanding of the course of events but that doesn't really make it any easier to get through the next 7-8 weeks!  I know this is going to be good for him and us.  I just wish I could make the time go faster.  It feels like it's dragging.  I think part of the problem is that I work essentially alone, I live alone, and I don't have many friends where I live.  So much of my day is silent.  Everyone's moved away after college.

I hope maybe things will get better once I hear from him again (still waiting on my form letter.  I did get his box of stuff on Friday!).  It's just dreary playing the waiting game.  We've been together for six years and married for a bit over a year.  We got married well before he even CONSIDERED joining, so this is nothing either of us expected.  We're also a bit older than many of the newly enlisted service spouses I've come across so far.  We're in our late 20s/early 30s.

I've been writing him a little bit every day.  It helps.  I just want to be done with this part!!  I don't want to burden everyone around me with "whining" about poor me missing my husband.  My family has been great, my husband's family has been amazing, too.  Ugh.  Why am I like this?

[BunkerQB]

A young friend posted this a while back - tips on surviving BC.

Basic Rules

 

Note: If you fail to follow these simple rules there's always an equivalent penalty or punishment, please be aware of it!

1. No talking. Especially in corridors and chow hall.
2. Do not look directly into the eyes of Petty Officers, Chiefs, or any other officers every time you're reporting or they're talking to you. In short, at all times always look straight into the wall, even if they're saying crap to or about you. 
3. Always buckle your backpack. Front and sides, make sure all straps are securely tightened.
4. Don't do anything unless the RDC says so. For example, don't take off the tags even if you think they're useless. Just don't touch them. Everything has a reason, the RDC will tell you when is the right time to remove all tags/prices. 
5. Always wear the uniform of the day.
6. White socks for sneakers and black socks for boots only!
7. Don't put your towel on your shoulder or head. Only in your hands or laying on your left arm.
8. Always start with your left foot every time you walk. 
9. Make pivots at all sides or every time you change direction.
10. Always use your left hand when carrying stuff, such as your pen, trainee guidebook, backpack, notebook, etc. Use right hand only to carry covers (cap).
11. Always stand at attention with feet at a 45-degree angle, hands touching the seams of your pants at the side, fingers closed.
12. Observe proper grooming/shaving at all times.
13. Do not sleep except during proper times. If you're tired hydrate (drink water from your bottle) or stand up to keep yourself awake. Sleeping is allowed during "Taps" only!
14. When in chow, your chair must be very close to your table, two feet touching flat on deck. Elbows are not allowed to lean on table, sit straight up, and no talking or looking around. Look straight ahead or to your food only. 
15. Just follow your instructions at all times and keep your mouth shut, even if your RDC is screaming, arguing or saying shit.
16. Wear your covers and uniforms correctly. Do not roll up the sleeves of your sweater, pants, or any part of your uniform at all times, even if you're feeling hot, eating, or doing something messy. Follow the rules!
17. Pay attention. Especially in stenciling and/or folding your uniform properly. Even though you already know what to do next, just wait until your RDC tells you to do it. Make him (your RDC) finish first before doing it or wait until he says so.
18. Don't forget to keep your chain (keychain necklace) inside your shirt at all times. And always lock your AB Drawer at all times. Do not leave your AB Drawer unlocked, otherwise your RDC will throw all your stuff around.
19. Always use the Safety Bar when you're getting stuff inside your rack.
20. Once you leave the chow hall, you're not allowed to chew anymore. Make sure you're done chewing before getting your tray, follow your leader.
21. Do not put anything in the pockets of your uniform. Even napkin/tissue is not allowed, but you can secretly stash one inside your socks. But make sure you don't have it when you're in PT! 
22. You're not allowed to put anything--even excess paper or eyeglasses--in your backpack. Only items allowed are the trainee guidebook, bottled water, and pen, but listen to your RDC tell you what's allowed. They'll check you at all times, so make sure you don't have anything not allowed. 
23. Note: We're only allowed to clean our eyeglasses with our shirts that we're wearing. Keep your eyeglass cloth or tissues in your AB Drawer.
24. It's okay not to greet an officer if you pass them by in the hall. You're safer than having a mistaken call. Only should greet Petty Officer, Chief, Senior Chief, Master Chief by saying "Sir" (for higher ranks start at warrants D1-010). Do not look at them and keep your eyes straight on the wall.
25. Do not double knot your sneakers or boots. Double knot is only allowed if you're in Freedom Hall. But make sure it's already back to single knot before leaving the Freedom Hall.
26. For serious emergencies: Raise your right hand, closed fist, and shout "Trainee Time Out!" Note: An emergency does not include going to the head.
27. You're not allowed to put anything on top of your bed. All your stuff (i.e., clothes, toothbrush, book/notebook, towel, sweats, uniform, etc.) must be on deck. Otherwise put them in their proper place.
28. Don't go in the head with your sweats on (blue jacket & jogging pants). Always hang up your sweats every time you go to head. Do not leave them on top of your rack or hook it on your outboard hook. Hang them up correctly based on your RDC's instruction of proper stowing of your sweats.
29. You're not allowed to sit or lean on your rack. You're not allowed to sit on the deck, unless the RDC says so.
30. When you're dressing yourself you're not allowed to walk even a step barefoot or with socked feet. Always walk with shoes!
31. No stowing of food in your rack!

[BunkerQB]

Here some reading material - in case you can't sleep! :)

For wives, fiancees and girlfriends, I got the following list from Navy Aunt (AF Wife):

1. Married To The Military:A Survival Guide for Military Wives, girlfriends, and Women In Uniform. by Meredith Leyva,
2. Hope For The Home Front by Marshe'le Carter Waddell (her husband was a Navy Seal),Military 101 (Fiction) by Tynisa Gaines
3. 365 Deployment Days A Wife's Survival Story by Sara Dawalt
4. Home Fires Burning by Karen Houppert, That Military House- Move It, Organize It, And Decorate It. by Sandee Payne
5. Life After Deployment- Reunion Stories/Advice by Karen M Pavlicin, Spouses Also Serve by Tiffany A Booker
6. Today's Military Wife-Meeting the Challenges Of Service Life by Lydia Sloan Cline,The Treasure of Staying Connected for Military Couples by Janel Lange
7. The Complete Idiot's Guide to LIfe as a Military Spouse by Lissa McGrath, Surviving Deployment by Karen M Pavlicin
8. The Mocha Manual to Military Life by Kimberly Seals_Allers with Pamela M. McBride
9. Separated By Duty, United in Love- A Guide to Long Distance Relationships For Military Couples by Shellie Vandervoerde
10. When Johnny/Joanie Comes Marching Home by The Revernd Dr. Lester L. Westling, Jr.(USN)
11. Military Spouse's Complete Guide To Career Success- Finding Meaningful Employment in Today's Global Workplace by Janet I Farley
12. How to Survive A Move edited by Jamie Allen and Kazz Regelman
13. Jobs and the MIlitary Spouse- Married, Mobile and Motivated for Employment by Janet I Farley
14. A Year of Absence-6 women's stories of courage, hope and love by Jessica Redmond
15. They Also Serve Who Sit and Wait by John Milton
16. Navy Spouse’s Guide by Laura Hall Stavridis
17. Help I’m A Military Spouse – How To Craft A Life For You As You Move With The Military by Kathy Hightower and Holly Scherer
18. Going Over Board, the misadventures of a military wife by Sarah Smiley
19. Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide To Raising A Military Family by Jacey Eckart
20. Service Etiquette 5^th Edition by Cherlynn Conestsco (especially good for those who will be entertaining for their job or spouse’s job – FRG leaders & officer/warrant officer wives)

For moms:

1. Honor, Courage and Commitment by J. F. Leahy
2. Eagle Invades The Nest by R. Lynn Green (a member of Navy For Moms)

[HuffyMom23]

EnragedTurtle I am sure you are feeling really lonesome right now.  Just because most of us have children at bootcamp doesn't mean you aren't feeling as lost and sad as we are.  You still had to tell someone goodbye for 8 weeks and that is really hard.  I am not going to lie, my son has been gone for 4 weeks and today I was thinking it felt like 4 years.  I know soon enough we will be going to his graduation though.  This Navy For Moms site is so awesome and will help you so much.  Reading what everyone is going thru really helps.  I can't imagine not having this site to get on everyday.  Try and stay positive and keep yourself as busy as you can.  I think your husband being older would be so much easier for him then our sons that are fresh out of the home.  He will be fine and you will be so proud of him when this is all over!

[Michigan Cindy]

EnragedTurtle, you will be fine.  While boot camp is going on, it seems like an eternity.  After that, your Sailor will be able to have his computer and cell phone, so you won't be so detached, although he will still have very little spare time.  In about 6 or 7 weeks, you will be attending his PIR, which will be AMAZING!  Stay positive and look at the big picture.

[EnTurtle]

You guys are awesome, thank you so much for the kind words.  :)

[lakemom]

My daughter in law has been exactly where you are now . IT doesn't make it any difference if child or spouse it is a huge change to be so isolated from a loved one.

But she is making it and so will you! Write to him often even though he will only be able to send out mail once a week the letters from home are what keep them going so my son says.

We have reached the 8 days left to go before PIR and yes sometimes it felt like it would never end...it will and he will be proud of his accomplishment and so will you.

Try to be strong and supportive in your letters..remind him you are proud, miss him but support him!!!

Hang in there !!! I almost forgot my son is 28 .

[marisac14/032]

hey EnragedTurtle i know exactly how you are feeling ! We are in the same boat ... i miss my fiance very much its very hard dealing with him being away.  I dont have many friends who i choose to hang out with often... Its always just me and him.  I work in an office so it is as well very quiet like the rest of my day usually feels.  I have been with him almost 6 years (in February) and the separation was hard for me and still is.  Luckily, like you i have my family who are here for me and my in laws are the best support system i can possible ask for.  Thanks to my soon to be mother in law i have seen lots of information.  It helps me feel better about time. She is like the only person i can talk to when im feeling more sad then usual. this website is beyond helpful as well.  any questions you would like to know feel free to ask and i am almost 100% sure i can get it from my mother in law :) whenever you are feeling really down, find something to do that gives you a lift. Plan for things to do , or buy, etc once he gets out ... it helps !