Advice on marriage/moving with sailor

[redstagjuliet]

Hi everyone! I'm in a weird situation and I need some advice. My fiancé proposed right before he left for bootcamp. He graduates November 20th, then leaves for A-School. He wants me to relocate to his A School location but it's hard trying to plan it all out when we can only communicate via letter. I'm in a really crappy situation where I am now, and since his school is ~5 months long, he wants me to have an apartment near him, even if he has to live on base.
So my big question is: when is the best time to get married? What is the process? Does he need to do anything first? The first week he's down there is the week of Thanksgiving, does he get liberty? Do you think it'd be possible for me to drive down there that week, stay in a hotel, and hopefully get the process started? I know during phase 1, he won't be able to get off base, but my boss, who actually served in the Navy, said I could go on base and get married there. Is that also an option? It's been a while since he's been in so I don't always take his advice too seriously lol. Would we even qualify for BAH during A School? 
Sorry, I know that's a lot. I just need to hear some advice from people who have actually done this and can maybe calm my nerves lol. I really appreciate any advice given, it means the world to me.

[Anti M]

Which A school? (yes, you may say)   To qualify for a married student to live ashore or brown bag, the school must be over 20 weeks/six months.  This does not include hold times, just seat time.  Once he reaches phase three, he can have overnights on weekends.

Your Navy friend has outdated information, no Navy chaplain does quick marriages on base anymore.  The process in A school  is he turns in a special request chit letting the Navy know he intends to marry.  They will probably make him take a class or counseling with a chaplain on marital responsibilities and what benefits and rights are given to dependents.  Then you follow the process of whatever county clerk the school is located in.  Which is why I ask which A school.    Most couples wait until the sailor is in phase two or three, because by the time the chit is approved, they're at that point anyway.  Phase two they can wear civilian clothes, phase three they can have a actual wedding night.  (I was old Navy, when things were far less complicated).

Yes, once you are married, you get BAH.  Takes around a month to show up in his pay.  Doesn't mean he gets to live with you.  

Your fiance is in the emotional pressure cooker of boot camp.  Of course he wants you nearby and as soon as possible.  Please don't rush things, take time to do it right, and to let him settle into being a sailor before he also tries to be a new husband.  You're going to take second eat to the Navy a lot, be ready for that.  

[redstagjuliet]

Sorry for the late reply, but thank you for your response. 
He will be going to Pensacola for Air Traffic Control, which I believe is 20 weeks. I figured my boss has some outdated info, he's been out for a while, which is why I came here. I knew he probably wouldn't get to live with me (if this all goes through), I just know he wanted me to relocate with him. 
Thank you for your advice though. I never really bring it up in letters, I just tell him how proud I am and whatnot. I know he's pretty helpless right now, and he just needs my support, not additional stress. If me moving down there doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I just didn't know if it were possible for this to all happen, or what the best route was. Thank you again! I really appreciate it.

[Anti M]

Pensacola can be strict about live ashore.  He will need to ask for their specific policy when he gets there.  If possible, you should share that information and your experience with it here when everything happens.  That is how this place runs best, those with first hand experience coming back to share.  

He should be home for holiday stand down, marriage then is a possibility.  Think it over, see if that suits you.  No need to rush, of course, but it is an opportunity with less hassle than marrying during his school.

I am glad you grasp the pressure cooker aspect of boot camp.  The SRs don't always have their heads on straight there!

[redstagjuliet]

I think that'd be best! It'll be so much easier when we can text each other, instead of waiting 3-4 days for letters in the mail. I will absolutely share my experience and try to help anyone else on here, I'm definitely feeling the stress. This relieved a lot of it though, thank you. 
For holiday stand down, do you mean Christmas time? 
But I am definitely trying to lol I obviously don't know what's going on there, but I know he's stressed and tired. I just want him to focus on doing well and bettering himself and HIS future, before really thinking about ours. But it's nice to do some planning while I have the time alone haha.

[Anti M]

Yes, around Christmas.  Not sure if P-cola lets them take a full two weeks or not, he'd have to borrow leave days as he will have only earned about a week's worth of leave.  He may want to save some days for after A school.  They earn 2.5 days each month, so you can figure out if it is worth using it all up on the holiday, or have some afterward.

Sounds like you have a handle on your stress though.  Planning is hard when you don't have information, and the Navy likes to change things.  Stay positive, stay flexible!