Animosity, what a shame.

[ronspatricia]

You know, I came on this forum very soon after my fiancee went into the Navy which was December 2009.  From my first "uneducated" posts I've gotten no friendly hellos or welcome to the family, I posted reasonable questions considering my military background (which I'll get to in a minute) and I have been nothing but polite to the people here.

 

And yet every reply is snide, everyone seems to be the "Almighty" when it comes to answering the poor stupid patricia's questions, I'm looked down on because I'm unconventional i.e., don't know what the hell I'm talking about on this forum.

 

My grandfather served during the War.  He saved up his money and built a beautiful wonderful home for his family, a home that my mother rejected to live with my father who is anti-military.  Unfortunately I never got to meet my grandfather.  He died before I was born.  My parents hated not only the Navy and every other branch, they treated their children horribly (all SEVEN of them) and I left home and went out on my own from the time I was 15 years old.  No grandparents, no caring anybody.  I have made a choice to marry someone in the Navy whom I met and was in a relationship with BEFORE he enlisted, (we've been together since 2007) and any hope I have of salvaging my family relationship dies with the fact that I'm marrying a military person.

 

It's very discouraging to be a 23 year old single teacher who is struggling and trying to get across the country to be with her soon-to-be husband, and have no support from my blood parents, move away from my pets and friends and home to take care of my elderly aunt and figure out this whole "married military" thing and in looking for support from the very people who KNOW the struggles of military life and SHOULD be supportive as well, animosity and utter hostility in some cases are thrown in my direction and no one can get off their pedestal long enough to be friendly, or even hospitable.  I've felt unwelcome here since joining.  

 

No, my "beloved child" hasn't been sent on his or her merry way to boot camp.

No, my husband and I aren't conventional. 

No, I don't have a large support group in my life willing to help me in this marriage.

It's like that's been held against me on this group.

 

Elvis Presley once said, "Don't criticize what you don't understand."  Is a little kindness or at least decency too much to ask for?  No wonder so many Navy wives and moms have dramatic circles that'd make reality TV look tame.  I see it firsthand, here.  

 

 

[ebigirl]

Very well said Bunker QB. My thanks to you and all of the volunteers here who have made me feel like a part of the family since the first day I found you. My sr is still at RTC, due to PIR 5/6.

I have no intention of dropping off the radar. I firmly believe that I re-pay the kindness I have been shown. Thank you again for helping me understand the "Military" way.

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

 

Your own quote was "Don't criticize what you don't understand."

Mine is 'Suck it up and If you dont like what your getting from one person move on to the next"

 

But you should also make up your mind what you think you are arennt getting from here. You clearly dont know

 

I've gotten no friendly hellos or welcome to the family " "And yet every reply is snide, everyone seems to be the "Almighty" "I've felt unwelcome here since joining"
BUT THEN you  say

 "Actually, several people on this site have been more than helpful and it's not to them I'm referring"

 

 

 

Maybe you would be better off with the Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors group. I know that I send alot of the young girls there because they all can relate to each other. Maybe they would be better for you then "The Mom's"

[SonandSea]

I'm a relative newcomer (my son has been a DEPper since Nov-leaves in Aug) and I have found N4M to be a life saver! 

I appreciate the information and support given freely here. 

Remember~ there is no nuance chip in computers. Some responses may appear blunt or unfeeling, but it may just be the responder's style. I'd venture to say the vast majority of people here are good folks and genuinely want to help. I CHOOSE to look at the world this way. It'll go easier for you if you do. 

Don't take things personally and try to give others the benefit of the doubt. You'll be happier. 

As for me~ I am immensely grateful for this "place" and those who take the time to post here.

I wish you only the very best. :)

[RWG (ship 09, div. 206)]

Ronspatricia. I replied to your post about housing also. If I offended you in any why I apoligize. I was just trying to let you know that it would be best to think hard about it before moving in his barracks. Then again if you guys can get it in writing that its ok then go for it.

Good luck to you both

[lori]

I just read the original forum and I didn't see anything that would be construed as unwelcoming..Just advice..

[JessicaB-Sailor Mom]

Okay, I might as well throw my hat into the ring. I've been watching (reading) the play by play of your discussion and when I saw you comment about "From my first "uneducated" posts I've gotten no friendly hellos or welcome to the family, I posted reasonable questions considering my military background (which I'll get to in a minute) and I have been nothing but polite to the people here. "

Well, I looked back at your previous discussions/blogs (3) and unless you've deleted some all that I have seen are many recommendations and many thank you's from you for their comments, advice, suggestions, etc.I will go back and more carefully re-read them to be sure but until the post about housing when you received MUCH advice NOT to do what may get your sailor in trouble did you get offended. And like most people it seems that you did not like being told what you did not want to hear. These folks are just trying to give you what sounds to me like very good, direct and honest advice and then you slap them in the face because they didn't sugar coat their replies or didn't tell you to break the rules and stay in the barracks.

I think you need to re-think your retorts to the ones who were just trying to guide you in the right way. They didn't have to leave a comment, they could have read your discussion and went "humph" and went to the next one. Which is what I peobably should have done...but no I feel like you have erred in the way you have responded to these folks.

[lori]

Well said Jessica..I think that people were pretty nice to take time out of there day to try and assist..and of course they had to be honest with their answers.

[Sweet*Southern*Lady]

I think you need to read "Married to the Military" and  "The Homefront Club" from Jackey Eckhert. I believe you have to be your own cheerleader and support system. You may like spouse forums like cinchouse.com .

 

The military life style is cut and dry. There isn't room for soft fuzzy all the time. Most of the moms, wives, and girlfriends are all  up front and honest. I do not think they want to be hurtful or rude, but more quick, helpful and honest.

 

Best of luck for you. Check our  Moving group http://www.navyformoms.com/group/pcsingmoving and  future wedding groups http://www.navyformoms.com/group/weddingsfuturesbrides

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

I think we all need to have a damn drink and suck it up. Anyone dont like something bag it and move on. No one is forced to be on this site.

[JessicaB-Sailor Mom]

Make mine a tequila or a Jagermeister with Redbull!!!!

[BunkerQB]

OMG. I needed the laugh today. LOL. Whew, I am still functioning, in one piece and haven't been committed to the nut house yet.

[ebigirl]

O.K. Where on earth did ronspatricia go anyway? Well, I'd like an electric watermelon please! I think that's the very least we can do for ourselves.

Cheers Ladies!!