Early discharge

[Arwen]

I just learned this morning that my son is going to be discharged at some time in the next month or so. He has served about 18 months, but did something stupid and will not be allowed to continue with the Navy career he had hoped for.

 

I couldn't find a group for moms of sailors who are being discharged early, so I started one. It's called "Kicked out: the pain and process" and is open to all family members for support and information about the process and discharged sailors' rights and responsibilities.

 

I have another son who is in the enlistment process, so I expect to stick around for a while. I can share my expereience and knowledge gained as a mom, and as a veteran and Navy wife.

[BunkerQB]

Arwen,

Here is this group but I believe it's probably more for those who are being discharged from bootcamp.

Ship 5 Moms

Your situation is somewhat different. I know of several moms whose sons have been discharged after several years - I don't know the details. We could never predict how one's son/daughter will adapt to an environment like the Navy. Nor do we have any control over whether they do stupid things or not.Things happen. In the end, we simply have to support them through whatever issues that may come up. He will survive the separation from the Navy. He'll will find something else to do. This will be a huge learning lesson for him but it doesn't have to be wasted. We make mistakes in life. It's a part of life. My sailor is on his 5th year as an officer - he said one of the toughest part of his job is seeing things happen to basically good kids doing stupid things.

Good luck to your son.

[ChrisAmo]

Oh Arwen, I'm so sorry about your son. You and I have been going along side-by-side on N4M for a long time. What's your son going to do? Does he have options on the outside? I hope so. No matter what he did, his time in the navy will serve him well I'm sure, he'll be more disciplined than many on the outside.

[Arwen]

Chris wants to go back to computers. He had almost finished IT A school when he was dropped (about three hours of work) and really enjoyed it. He was working toward a return to IT (he was going to go for it, no matter how difficult), when this happened.

 

So he's going to take some time off, rejoin the local volunteer fire department, and then figure out a way to go to school. Funding is going to be the problem. From what we can tell, he will NOT be able to get his GI Bill funding (requires an honorable discharge), and with his income level last year, won't get federal grants either. He may have to wait another year to go to school.

 

There are NO jobs here in town. My husband couldn't get a job, so he started his own business. It's a dead-end town. He may move to live with relatives in another (less economically depressed) state.

[BunkerQB]

Arwen,

My son informs us a while back that every ship has a few "drama boys" (what he calls them when he is being polite) or "f****** shit stirrers" (when he is using his navy-on-boat-language) who love to create issues. More often than not the guy will not get in trouble but like in your son's case, the trouble maker usually does this verbally (most of the time not within an ear shot of a higher rank sailor). My son said he makes a point of knowing the guys in his group and will take somebody like this aside just so the potential trouble maker knows that someone has an eye on him. My son is on a sub. On a larger boat, it's more difficult for an officer to be able to develop any group unity. I really feel for your son. He probably is a good guy and got pushed to the limit. This is one of those really harsh lesson a young man or woman has to learn in being a working professional. There are many times when I wish I could  .........

Accounting is a big - with plenty of jobs everywhere. So is IT but not in all geographical areas - for example in Silicon Valley - it's hard to get a job in IT but easy for software developers who are doing apps for cell phones.  North Dakota has the lowest unemployment rate of all the 50 US states - almost all jobs are oil related or as a result of the booming oil and gas businesses. The bad news is the weather and lack on housing to accommodate the incoming workers. This place is remote!

Good luck - talk later.

[Arwen]

Chris would be pretty miserable in accounting, and has his heart set on computers, the IT/networking side of things. Not programming.  Firefighter would also be a decent choice for him, and I'm sure there are other options out there too, that he simply hasn't discovered yet. Working the oil fields would not be a great thing either.

 

In our family, we're willing to relocate for the right job/situation at the drop of a hat, keeping the family in one geo location not a priority. We're already very spread-out. My parents are in California, I'm in Oregon, hubby's mom is in Colorado, his dad is in Georgia, his brother is in Virginia, etc - there is no central family location. Going years between visits is normal.

[BunkerQB]

Arwen, my sailor's younger brother is giving us huge headaches and heartaches. I know you and I both wish there was a crystal ball for us to show them what the future would look like. If they could see the consequences, they wouldn't do half the things they do - or at least think twice about ti. We didn't do anything different with our sailor - he was always more mature beyond his age. Sigh. But we just have to keep going, keep supporting them and trust that their upbringing will be there when all else fails. With prayer and a little luck, everything will be OK. Send me a pm is you want to talk more privately.

[Arwen]

My boys are as different as day and night. Neither was ever much of a "problem child" to my everlasting relief, neither ever had any rebellion in them, or even talked back, not once. If there is one trait they share, is that they are geeks.

 

That's what's bugging me about this. This just isn't Chris' style. Chris has always been a little lazy, if he was a girl you would call him "ditzy." But violent? Never!

[BunkerQB]

I think when there are a bunch of guys around and one idiot is giving another a hard time. The person who is the target almost has no choice but to respond. Chris is actually in a tough spot. If he goes to his superior (which he should have done), somebody is bound to say he couldn't handle it. If he just stand there and take it - well, everyone has a breaking point. It's too bad an officer or a chief had not seen this and taken care of it - then Chris would not have been pushed to respond in an atypical manner. Did the other guy get any thing? Like my sailor said - he hates it when a basically good guy does something and gets in trouble.

[Marybeth]

Sorry you're going thru this Arwen - but I'm glad you're sticking around too.  You're one of the many valuable regular contributors on this site.  I hope your son is able to learn and grow from this, and not let it hold him back going forward. 

{{hugs}}

[amandarenee84]

I feel better knowing im not alone in this process :(

[StacyLHR (14/136)]

Thank you for posting about discharge, it helps reading others comments.  My son has been in 2.5 years and being discharged.  Sigh.