He lied to me and I don't know that it's worth it anymore

[Michaels#1Fan]

He lied to me about a friendship he has with a woman he goes to school with. He made me believe she annoyed him and I found out that they're pretty good friends. He sees her everyday. They talk on the phone probably more that I do with him. And I'm so angry with him. We have a long distance Relationship and I live 3,000 miles away from and I'm hardly apart of his life. He hasn't cheated on me yet but if he lied about their relationship he can lie about the extent of it. I've lost all my faith on hi
 And all my trust in him and our relationship. I'm just thinking is it worth it. I don't know anymore. I care a lot about him bit it scares me. I've been with him for 3 & 1/2 years and I just don't know anymore. Help me please ladies. Am I being foolish because I'm angry at him and so jealous of her that I despise her? Am I just being stupid? 

[Anti M]

Trust your heart. Only you know him and the worth of this relationship. We can't tell you right from wrong here. You aren't stupid to worry about a situation you don't understand. You can't control him long distance, only trust him. Or not. Communication is the only thing you have just now, very important.

If they are just friends and you can't handle it, how will you handle his other professional relationships with women? It will happen, he will make female friends and spend time with them. I had tons of male friends in the Navy, and my husband had female friends.

Also, how do you know he hasn't cheated? He could tell you anything. So did he lie to protect your feelings or did he lie to cover up what he may or may not be doing? Only he can tell you that, and only you can choose how you will react and decide what to do.

[psydstudent2008]

No one can tell you what to do but as already said follow your heart. If its too much talk to him and see if you can come to an agreement that both are happy with. All my male friends know and like my husband or I wouldn't be able to be friends and keep him happy too- and I know all his girl type friends and if they act strange around me then he no longer has a friendship with them. I think coming to a level of comfort for both of you is important in the long run- but again follow what your heart says first. Melody

[Bella]

I have the same concerns with my husband. He has wandered before and lied. I have zero trust in him and although he claims that nothing will go on with anyone else, I also know men. They are a physical and visual creature. We are mental and emotion creatures. Men are hardwired to be with as many women as they can, its not solely their fault, it is the animal side of them. However, they have the ability to reason and use control and discipline. It is a tough call. I understand 150% how you feel. But I also considered in the back of my mind and continue to, that he is a man and regardless of how much they love you, they separate love and sex and will copulate with any female willing. I am prepared for it, but hoping I never have to use it.
I would advise you to express how you feel completely to him and depending on his reaction, you will than be able to make a solid decision. Gut instinct is never far off. Tell him how hurt you are that he lied and that he should be more open if he wishes to make you comfortable about his working/school relationships with female counterparts. If he agrees, let it ride for a while and see how it goes, he may be being real with you. You will make the best choice, your heart and gut won't steer you wrong.
Also...consider the woman. Does she know about you? It is not her fault if she doesn't know about you. She's blind that way. If she knows, than she's gunning for your man.
Also...another thing to consider is this: There are NO friendships between single adults. Unless one is gay and one is not. In the subconscious mind the reason for the "friend zone" is to get to the "end zone and score".
Just my experience and opinion(s). You will make the best choice for you.

[mom 56]

i would wait till after bootcamp and have a long talk with him just you and him tell him how you feel and what you want you have to be able to talk to each other thats really inportant most of the time you can work through things if you both want the same thing. i have been married thirty years you have to work at it every day if thats what you want fight for it.

[Anti M]

No friendships between single adults? Hmmm. I must disagree, having had a very different experience. And we're not talking prudes here, we're talking hard drinking, foul mouthed, wild sailors on leave. You work with someone long enough, the attraction wears off and they become like family. We're wired not to be attracted to family, to the familiar. Not everyone has the opportunity to experience that. LOL, my guy friends liked me as their wingman, girls always trusted guys with a female friend tagging along. I was an expert spotter, warning them away from the psychos!

[Arwen]

I just wanted to add my vote to Anti-M and Lady Hamilton. There certainly can be platonic friendships between single men and single women. In the Navy it's common for there to be cross-gender non-sexual friendships.

I was always attracted to men for my friendships, as a tomboy I was always "out-of-step" with other women. I was always interested in football and cars and stuff. At parties when the men and women separated to talk about "stuff" I always ended up with the men. I had no interest in what the ladies were talking about.

I don't think I had a single female friend in the Navy, yet I only had a romantic interest in two of the men I met. I married the second one. Most of the men I end up friends with are men who hold absolutely no sexual appeal for me. Their wives/girlfriends may think they're sexy, but I don't. My romantic tastes are very picky, LOL.

It took having kids to have something in common with other women. Now I can go either way for friendships.

Yes, I've had problems with jealous wives who make assumptions that I'm flirting or somehow threatening their relationship with "their" man, simply because I'm the wrong gender. One of my best friends ever was a literal cowboy. We shared a love for horses and could spend hours talking about them, but kissing him would have been like kissing my brother. Ick! But his wife couldn't handle our friendship so we had to end our totally platonic relationship. But had I been male our friendship would have been fine with her.

[Viki]

Can him and wait to find one worthy of you

[Navy Wife Ginnibean]

While I disagree with the friendzone reply, as my best friend is a man, I am also married and with that said, they could just be friends but a lie is a lie, why did he feel the need to lie to you, no excuse is worth it, however if he was afraid of your reaction then he doesn't care enough to work through that issue first, sometimes us gals first think the worst and have every right to, men often make us that way, however learning to really talk about everything out in the open is something both people in any relationship need to be able to do, ask him why he lied, if he can't be real and open with you then go with your gut feeling, I agree sooo much with the reply that focus on you, don't let him keep you from living and enjoying every minute! You deserve trust, respect and to be treated well!

[Danner921]

It makes me sad to hear these stories. My husband and I spend a great deal apart as well. It's hard to trust at first, I think. Then one day I realized that he is a Marine and Marines live by "Semper Fi". I haven't had a problem with doubt in my heart since. I put two and two together. Semper Fidelis and Semper Fortis ; "Always Faithful and Always Strong"

Just live by those words. Everything happens for a reason. This may just be one of those hurdles you have to jump over in your relationship.

[Michaels#1Fan]

Thank you so very much for all your advice. We seperated. We just realized with the distance and the mistrust our relationship was doomed. He says we're going to get back together, me I'd like to hope so but I don't think it will happen. We've just recently broken up. The wound is still really fresh and it's really difficult to let someone who was such a big part of my life go but it was necessary. We were just growing in different directions....him towards other women by the idiot advice his friends give him because they all assume I'm a whore. But it's okay because I'm off at college. I have other fish to fry and if we're meant to be it will happen. I just wanted to thank you all, and to all you women who have spouses in the military I commend you. I wasn't a significant other with a member of the military for long but I do understand that it is very difficult and it has it's trials. I wish we could have made it but I'm beginning to understand why we couldn't. Thank you and good luck to all of you.

[Bella]

So sorry to hear that you separated, but it might open up doors to someone new who will treat you the way you deserve. Or you might just want to be casual and have fun with little to no stress of a relationship. Best wishes, Dear and experience the hell out of college! It can be a time of learning in all aspects of life. Drink it in!

[Anti M]

Thank you for taking the time to tell how things went. Sorry to hear it did not work, but you'll move on to better days. Be kind to yourself in the meantime. All the best to you and enjoy college!