HELP!!! I think my future recruit is in denial!

[Invisible12]

I don't know where to turn. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that my son will be leaving for bootcamp in September, but now I'm starting to realize that maybe he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into. For instance, last nite we were talking about selling his car before he leaves and he said he'd like to buy a car from a guy that we know maybe next year. I asked him if he realizes that once he leaves, he's gone for 4 years, with the exception of the times he does get to come home for visits (which I'm sure are not often.) His answer was "I don't know." Of course, I started to cry. My question is - are most kids (I call him a kid even though he's 22) naive about what they're getting into? I'm so panicked that he's going to think he made a mistake and will be miserable when reality sets in. If anyone has any advice - PLEASE SHARE! I'm so sad that my first born is leaving and to think of him being "there" and regretting his decision just makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if I sound like an overbearing mother - I'm just so worried for him. Thanks for listening!

[Invisible12]

I guess I really wasn't sure...just assuming.  That's my ignorance and fears.  I did not know that he gets 30 days paid leave each year.  And you're right - 120 days would be terrific.  I guess I can't see past my sadness (or maybe that's the wrong word.)  I do know that he would definitely talk to me about his feelings.  He has told me that  he's starting to get nervous but still so excited.  Denial probably is the wrong word too - he's just naive.  He's a very simple-minded kid.

[Anti M]

If your family has little experience with the military, then he just hasn't wrapped his head around the reality.  

He should hold off on a car, no matter how good the deal.  Almost every A school has restrictions on who can have a car, and there is no parking on base for most student sailors.  The Navy won't move the vehicle from home for him either. Many sailors buy a used car from another sailor when they get to their first duty station. And if he is stationed overseas, he doesn't want to be saddled with a vehicle he can't use there.  Not that he won't eventually want a car, he just needs to wait and see how things go that first year.

Those 30 paid days are terrific, although most sailors don't get all 30 at once.  That can mean more visits home, shorter ones.  It just depends on where they are stationed and what their command or ship is doing.  But it is a fabulous benefit.

My dad served for 29 years, I was in the Navy, I married Navy, and my nephew is currently serving.  I tend to take a lot of basic knowledge for granted.... but keep asking, that's the only way you'll learn in advance.

[bhebert]

Emma, I thought I wrote your letter!!!  My son did not do the research he should have and the first line of his first letter was I don't like it here, I don't know what I've gotten myself into.  Now the letters are more positive and he is making strides everyday.  My son is 23 and was working in several jobs that lead no where and he wanted to join for a couple years and finally did.  I'm confident he has made the right choice and though it is difficult right now he will not regret his decision.  I do recommend you have him review what boot camp is about because no matter how prepared they are, it's much worse from what I've heard.  Recently I've talked with a couple other military men and both have told me he will be fine and how much better things are after boot camp.  A friend of mine who was in the Navy for 20 years said boot camp is to take the civilian out of them, beat them down and build them back to be a Sailor.  It's tough because the only communication you have with your recruit is through US Mail. I've only had one phone call, two if you count the I'm here and okay call.  We are so used to texting, emailing, etc. it is really hard when you rely only on the mail and watch your mailbox everyday and hope not to miss a call.  I'm learning to let go and let him make his own choices, I wish you both luck on your journey.

[Invisible12]

That's great that your son says that to you.  I wish mine would.  He's been spoiled (my fault, I know).  He doesn't waiver though in his desire to do this.  I am so very proud of him for making this decision I'm just having a hard time keeping my feelings in check!

[Lorie]

Wow BunkerQB, my 21year old son said they same thing to me about his decision to join the Navy. "Mom, I can't depend on you forever".  He is at bc now and pir is 7/8  I still havent received my first letter yet (only form letter), but I hope that all is well.  It is really different not being able to send him a text!  Being 21, he was always at work or running with friends, he wasn't actually "home" that much but I knew he would pop in at some point.  I am adjusting to it, I guess but I pray for a letter this week!

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

My son bought a new car while in A school in Goose Creek.  Granted he is married but they already HAVE a car.  Depending on his job, he won't be "gone" for 4 years. Mine is enlisted for 6 years AND he was 22 when he left and married for a whole month!  Lots of people take their sailor the car when they go for a visit either during A school or when they get their duty station.

 

Many want a car of their own, especially if he can buy a reasonable, reliable car for cash!!!  That way they don't have to depend on a buddy to haul them around, drive home on leave, take a short trip on a long weekend!  How about going on a date every once in a while, vehicles are useful.  Young man I know just returned from months in Afghanistan with the Marines, brought his car home to mom's house so he didn't have to worry about it while he was deployed, then came home and got it!  Has done that twice now during deployments and was more excited to get home to get his car than just about anything.

 

Whether in the Navy, in college, working at McDonald's or wherever, there is always going to be something to regret, but if the positives outweight the negatives, that equals a relatively happy life!  Don't fret too much, how many of us really have a clue what we want to be when we were 22?  This is a great chance for him to learn valuable skills, see more than his hometown and spread the wings that you gave him.

[Invisible12]

I know the word "gone" sounds horrible.  And when I hear you explain more, it does make me feel better.  Maybe the fact that he's the first in our family to go into the service, and I am totally ignorant when it comes to any of this, it's harder for me to make sense of anything because I've never been through this and I've never been close enough with anyone whose gone into the service to really understand what's involved.  I guess it's a learning experience.  It's just so difficult.  Thank you so much for your help.  I appreciate it.

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

I understand.  You could have knocked me over with a feather, after the "gut punch" of my college, fraternity, son coming home for a weekend to say he wanted to join the military.  Asked him to wait 90 days, explore his options and come back to us with his answer.  His answer was NAVY!

 

Neither of my brothers were military, nor my brothers in law or my dad.  My husbands family is different.  Father in law in Air Force, grandfather in law was Army in WWII, his brother was a WWII POW in Germany.  So, even though we had no experience in dealing with it, our strong willed son gave us a jump start.  It is VERY hard to wave goodbye to a child and make no mistake, I cried a RIVER of tears, still do, but now the tears are of pride.  Hang in there, this is a great place for support.  We've all been there.

[LeeLee]

I know how you feel.  My oldest decided to join the Army while in high school...he was 17.  I knew he didn't know what he was getting himself into but I let him go anyways.  We had to sign papers for him to go because he wasn't 18.  When he left I felt like someone had ripped out my heart...and I was so worried that he would die in the heat of Georgia since he shipped in July.  But he made it and the boy I sent was gone what stood before me when I saw him at PIR was a man.  He did five yrs and was EOD.  Being 22yrs should make it easier on him.  The old guys my son was with did better.  He came home as often as he could.  And then got stationed three hrs away but then got deployed to Iraq for 15 months.  Again I was worried.  He is very glad he served.  He is now 23 and got out last July.  I had wished he joined the Navy.  I learned I had to let him live his life and do what he needed to do.  I was not easy.  When the time for him to go gets closer he may change his mind about the car.  If not he does get a PCS move and that includes his car.

 

Now my youngest is at boot camp in the Navy.  Needless to say it isn't any easier.  And sharing helps me remember that she has to live her life and this is the choice she has made.  She crashed her car about a month before she left.  I told her she can always get a new one once she knows where she will be stationed if she needs one.  I don't know if this helped.  One thing I do know is no matter how old my kids get I will always worry about them....it's part of what we parents do.

 

One last thing....I would much rather have my husband going through all this than my children....is that awful to say.  I was a Navy wife and I know that my husband would be fine.

[Invisible12]

No mother wants their children to go through this.  It's soooo hard.  Thank you so much for sharing.  I'm so happy for you that your son came home safe.  It must've been very, very difficult sending your teenage son away.  I keep trying to tell myself the same thing - that when I see him at PIR - that he'll be a man.  And Happy!  I'm trying to keep my chin up.  Thank you again!  It helps.

[LeeLee]

Any time.....I will say I was so relived once he was discharged I felt I could breath again.  Then less than a month later my Allie goes to college orientation didn't like what they had to say cause she couldn't register without taking a math test.  We went home I was going to take her the next day to take the test and her father tells me she is joining the Navy and we are taking her to the recruiter that day....I was not a happy camper.  I didn't want to go through this again.  I blame her dad...he was Navy.  But this time it is affecting him as much if not more than me since she is his little girl...lol.

[LeeLee]

I was only kidding about blaming my husband....it was a joint decision since we had to sign for her to join...she was only 17 at the time.  I support my kids no matter what they decide.  And so you know her father and I are married.  Sorry I gave the impression I was blaming anyone.  I raised her to be her own person...and that is what she is doing.