HELP! Planning a wedding

[sailor c's mom]

Hello all

I'm new to this site but looking forward to meeting new friends!

I need some really creative ideas!

My son is in A school.  He has already applied for and received permission to get married.  He and my soon to be daughter want to get married before he gets shipped out so they don't have to spend the next few years apart.  Here's the sticky part.

They plan to marry in December over the holidays.  Seeing he's not sure when he'll be able to come home they are guessing on a date.  My sons family is in NY and will need to fly down for the celebration.  I can't ask them to make plans for either December 18th or the 22nd.  I know it's going to be expensive enough for the plan tickets that close to the holidays, to ask them to purchase refundable ones would be too much for some.  How do I get both families together for the wedding?

I did think about having a reception in both places but it's not the same as having them here for the ceremony.  I don't want my son to get married and not have any family there but the three of us if I can help it.

Any thoughts?

No definite plans made yet.

[Anti M]

There's a three day waiting period between getting the license and the day they can marry, so you have to factor that in too.

Hoppi is pretty much right, either you have to ask people to go out of their way, or you have to plan a smaller ceremony. Ask you r families how they feel about flying in that close to the holidays. That's the reality of marriage ceremonies in the military, small and nothing fancy. I did it that way, as did my parents. It is still special, but it might not be the Big Day. Flexibility and a positive attitude toward the unexpected is critical. If you have to settle for just a few people, that may be what has to happen. Make lots of DVDs of the ceremony!

I know some couples marry with a JP and don't tell the family, just talk to the minister so he knows about the paperwork. Then they have a ceremony in front of the family. They do this in order to make sure she's on the orders and get the financial/benefit paperwork rolling. That way if he doesn't get leave, they're still married. While holiday stand down is pretty much assured, there's always that Navy changes things at the last minute deal. Always have a Plan B!

This is difficult and gets discussed quite a lot here.

[sailor c's mom]

Hope I'm covering both reply's here. First thank you for taking the time to offer the advise. This is what my son wanted to do from the start until busybody MOM had her say! I guess we can learn from them if we stop to listen!

I talked with my son and told him I now agree with his idea of getting the marriage out of the way and worry about the wedding later.

Another question came up. Is it possible for him to live off base with his new wife while still in school. He is in A school for ET in Great Lakes. I hope I understood him correctly, he will leave this school and attend another schooling in the same place until February 2011. Whew! Can they marry in August and have her transfer her job to Great Lakes and have him live with her off base? Any idea if the Navy will pay for any housing or moving expenses? Sorry for so many questions, but, any advise is appreciated!

[Anti M]

I know this one! He can live off base with her, but he will need permission. Once she is in the area, he has to put in a Live Ashore packet. Takes about two weeks or so to process. He can ask beforehand what the timing will be.

They will get BAH (basic allowance for housing). He can put in for Navy housing, but I have no clue what the wait list is like. Many couples choose an offbase apartment and stay careful with the utilities and pocket the leftover change. Others prefer base housing, where they give back the entire BAH, but only pay for cable and internet. Pets can be a factor. Teh Nay does not give him money for her food. On the plus side, the health insurance is kick-ass (unless you need glasses or contacts BOO). There is a wives group/discussion in the Great Lakes A school group. Many have done this whole thing and have fresh experiences to share.

Pretty sure the move will be out of her own pocket, but he should ask his PSD. She isn't on his orders, so I'm thinking "no".

[ChrisAmo]

My son got married while he was in A school in P'cola. He came home on the Xmas stand down and he and his fiancee had bought a wedding package at the Sandals Resort on a Caribbean island. He had to get a special permission chit to go out of the US. They got there Dec. 27 and were married on the 31st. Then he flew back to P'cola to finish school and she came back home. No one from either family was there but it was OK with us, they planned it all out and took care of it. Would we have liked to have been there? Of course, but it was more important for them to get married. The fancy party can come later.

[sailor c's mom]

Thank You! Thank You All!

I've forwarded on this information to my son. I would like my soon to be daughter-in-law to discuss this with the wives group who have already done this in Great Lakes. Just to get some idea of what they would need to do. How can I get her in touch with them?

ChrisAmo-- what a great idea! I thought of sending them on a cruise to accomplish this if he could get permission and if his fiance would agree to holding off on the big ceremony. I'll look into this too!