Navy weddings

[Grant's Mom Ship 9/Div 131]

Hi Ladies,

My daughter-in-law to be and I are planning a wedding.  We are planning a formal military ceremony.  She is wearing a white gown and my son his dress whites.  The bridesmaids are wearing black dresses and groomsmen one is a fellow sailor and the others will be in black tuxes.  (debated on navy blue very torn)

Our questions:  Is the black going to look good with  his uniform and would red look good as accent color.  We would love to get some suggestions from all of you mom's, wives or wive's to be would be great.  

They are planning a outdoor later afternoon evening wedding.  Originally they wanted a beach wedding but have decided to do it in our home town, so family and friends can share in their special day.

Thanks you in advance for all your suggestions, I thought we could chat about this since we all will be in Great Lakes in 12 days!!!!! wooohoooooo....... 

They are planning their big day after A school before he reports to first duty station if he can get leave so we are limited on the time to choose date.  

Thanks to all and God Bless

Trenda

[EMC (SS)]

Ma'am,
I am a guy and therefore will not be able to answer any question about colors and matching. However, from your post I am gathering that your son is planning on getting married during his transfer leave between his A school and first command. Please ensure that your son talks to his advisors about his plans during A school. Additionally, he may want to get married on paper during A school since if he is not married when he is issued his orders then he will not get entitlements for moving his new wife. This would make it very difficult (and costly) on him should he receive orders to an overseas location. As a supervisor whether or not my Sailors are married plays a lot into transfers and arrivals.
Congratulations,
EMC (SS)

[Anti M]

I agree, a civil ceremony now, then have a church wedding while he is on leave. You have good advice from two very able chiefs, listen to them. The details of the wedding are fun, dreaming of the perfect 'big day" is sweet, but moving a spouse to a new duty station is hard, cold dollars and cents reality. If he's worried he can't marry while in A school, well he can. Just fly her out for a weekend, including at least one business day to get the license.

As for his dress whites, they will look terrible next to her white gown. They simply aren't as sharp as the blues. He can wear his full dress blues (which are really black) for a formal ceremony such as a wedding any time if year. Black with red accents would look just fine on the attendants/bridesmaids.

[Barb]

Well, I have to say the advice given is very good however my son and his wife chose to not go that route. they did one ceremony while he was on leave between A school and C school and yes they did have to pay for her move to VA which is where his C school is. and it is very tight for them right now. his BAH has not kicked in however we chose to pay their fist months rent and they did very well on wedding gifts ($) not everyone does. They have been there for almost one month and are not sure when the BAH will kick in. so I guess they have to weigh the options.

As for dress whites vs blues. my son wore his Dress whites, went back and forth and decided on the whites. they looked gorgeous. and did not clash at all with her white dress which was very elegant. you can go to my page and view a family picture of all of us. I don't have any of just them up yet but it really looked nice.

[Grant's Mom Ship 9/Div 131]

Thank you all for your in put, from what I have read if I understood it correctly, if my son gets married after A school and before he reports to his duty station while on liberty than USN will pay to move his spouse, while I know she will not be on his orders they will have to wait for paper work to be completed before she joins him.

Where can we get more information on this or should he talk with his advisor once he gets to A school.

Thank you!

[Arwen]

No, you got it backwards. In order for the Navy to move her, they have to be married WHILE he is in A-school, and at least a month BEFORE he receives his orders. If she is not listed on his orders, the Navy will NOT move her.

If they get married while he is on leave between A school and his first duty station, the Navy will NOT pay to move her and your son and his new wife will have to pay the entire moving expenses.

I agree with the other advice here. She should go to his A-school, they should do a quick justice of the peace wedding to make it legal, then she flies home to prepare for the big family wedding while he gets the paperwork in order. It will have to be done on a week-day to make sure the necessary government offices are open.

They will not need a second marriage license for the big wedding, but if they are in another state they can get a second license if they want to. No one except your son and his wife need to know they are already legally married before the big ceremony.

I also agree with Anti-M, do not use dress whites. Compared to a classic white wedding dress, dress whites are dull, even yellowish. I would go with dress blues for both the groom and the Navy groomsman. They would match well with the black tuxes.

[Arwen]

With a little additional thought, I would put the bridesmaids in navy blue, with navy blue cummerbunds for the groomsmen. Navy blue and white with gold trim is VERY Navy, and would look amazing for a formal military wedding.

Another thought, instead of a white dress, what about a non-traditional colored dress for the bride? There are some amazing wedding dresses in colors now, such as this one:

[Barb]

Here is a picture of him, his bride and the groomsmen. his uniform does not look yellow at all

[Barb]

Another thing to think about is how long he will be at A school. my sone was there from the end of October until May 15, they just got married may 22. he was on hold for a long time and didn't know when for sure he would be done. they originally were planning on an Aug wedding but moved it up because of his C school. so don't be definite on a date and start printing things until you know for sure.

[Anti M]

He should definitely talk to his chain of command once he gets to A school.

You must be flexible when it comes to the wedding, setting a date and making plans must be done with possible changes in mind. I'm ex-Navy, I know how that goes, you make plans, the Navy changes them for you. He might get to A school and be on hold for weeks or months before he begins his training. You might think you know the dates he should be able to come home on leave now, but I promise, you do not until he checks into A school! As for where you can get information, you just had two Navy chiefs tell you the facts of it, but I'm sure the regulations are online. I couldn't find them easily though, or I'd have happily posted the links for you. Hoppi will have the information if anyone does.

If he waits until he is on leave to marry, that creates all sorts of headaches when it comes to paperwork. If he is stationed overseas, there's even more headaches such as getting command sponsorship for her and a possibility she might not be approved to join him. If an order modification is not approved, the Navy will NOT pay to move her, even stateside. She can join him, but the move will be at their own expense. These are worst case scenarios, but something to think about.

Edited to add: LOL, Arwen and I posted at almost the exact same time.

[Grant's Mom Ship 9/Div 131]

Thank you for all your information it has been very helpful. He is going to Pensacola for A school. So should I have him talk to his advisor once he gets to A school. I guess everything you read online isn't true. LOL!!! That would be horrible if they were separated. Again thank you all for your help and advise. What is a chit?

[EMC (SS)]

A chit is just a formal written request to do, well anything really. Formally it is called a special request chit (NAVPERS form 1336/3). In this case your son will mark off "other" for the reason and just write in the box "Respectfully request to get married to ______, a civilian, on _______ (date)." It is not that he is asking permission to get married, but to inform the command that it is happening so that he can accomplish all that he needs to do to have his family taken care of by the Navy and get all his records and pay up to date.

As far as regulation goes it comes down to how the Navy (Military) deals with defining who is and who is not a dependent. Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS) is the system we use to do this. If a person is not in DEERS then that person is not your dependent as far as any other Navy program is concerned (Medical, ID cards, Service Record, Orders, SGLI, etc). Various forms of paperwork allow the service member to enroll a person into DEERS as a dependent in this case it would have to be a certified marriage certificate (not the license). Other documents are birth certificates (or initially live birth card from the hospital) for children or legal orders for adult minors or disabled adults. This is all under DOD Directive 1341.1.

When issuing orders the status of the Sailor (married/single; with/without children) does come into play with were they will be stationed. For example if you have a child or spouse with a special medical condition that requires specialists you will not get orders to anywhere without these specialists. This is up to the member to document with the EFM (exceptional family member) program, but this process is backed up by Navy policy by requiring an overseas screening for both the member and all accompanying dependents prior to departure. Some locations are limited by availability of housing so large sized families will not be detailed there. The Navy does care about its Sailors' needs and has programs in place to support these needs (not necessarily wants however otherwise we'd all be on shore duty in Tahiti or the Bahamas).

Very Respectfully,
EMC (SS)

[Grant's Mom Ship 9/Div 131]

Thank you, they are planning on getting married I guess at his first leave in A school from what we understand. She will change her name asap after the wedding, we want it to go as smooth as possible. Happy wedding planning to you also!