need help deciding if i should move to my husbands station

[Melohhdee Div948 PIR10/15/10]

Hi, It looks like God was on my side and my husband isn't getting stationed in Japan. we got a new station in Virginia. my husband will be coming home in a few weeks from training in great lakes. he said something about 2 weeks off and he will be negative in his vacation days.

i was talking to him about moving and he really doesn't know anything about it right now because he hasn't gotten information about it yet. i had so many questions and he was getting stressed out about it and of course i had to stop because there isn't not point on stressing him out right now.

im looking for advice/help/guidance. help me!!

im really trying to keep everything opsec? is that right, but im so unsure what to tell and not to tell.

this is our first move. since he will get a 2 week break and i really dont know if its because of a holiday, or if he got it because he has to move his family to virginia but i  want to know who pays for this. will they Navy pay for him to come home? i told him that it would be nice not to buy a last minute place ticket. i figured the Navy would pay for it because how can they send him to his duty station without his wife and stuff? thats my first question

my second question is more of guidance/advice

my husband didnt' qualify for his AM job so they made him an undesignated seaman. i know for sure he will be heading on a boat when we get to our station. but i can't decide weather its a good idea if i move. since were receiving money for housing i dont think they would let him stay in a dorm or something, i dont know the proper name. and im pretty sure i wont know when he will come into port, im guessing its a surprise, (honey, im home). and its going to be expensive to fly him home or fly me out there just to see him for maybe days before he heads out again. this is one of the reasons why i want to move.

another problem is i can't find a school in the area for what im taking in school, i found one but who knows if they will accept me. but i still have to do research about this.

my husband said that being an undesignated seaman means  he gets to strike for a job and then he will go to a- school somewhere. now here is another problem, if i decide to stay where i live currently and not move to his station, im pretty sure they Navy wont pay for my move after he gets another station after a-school. because his station was in Virginia and im in another state. so it means ill be doing it myself, which i guess is a lot of money.

i told my husband i think its a good idea if i move, i can try to find a place to go to school, i'll be here when he gets into port, but these are the only 2 reasons. oh! and if we do get re-stationed, it wont be such a big problem.

 now my husband was saying that its a good idea for my to stay where i am now because were rent free right now, so we can save it and i can finish school here, but i still got 3 years until i finish school and he will be going to a-school again when he strikes.

what would you do? go or stay? what would be your reasons?, im trying to make pros and cons right now and its not looking so great. all i know is that i want to be there when he is in port.

sorry its so long =( thank you and GO NAVY!!!!

[Anti M]

The Navy does not pay to send him home on leave, they only pay to send him to his new duty station. This applies to all sailors. Since he is married, they will send you to VA, and your household goods. He needs to start asking questions about how to do that now. Do NOT wait until he is on leave, then no one can help him easily. Tell him if he doesn't know, then his job this morning is to finds out who does know, and start the process if it is going to happen. You can always CANCEL your move if you decide not to go! He really should set up your move before he checks out, so you have to decide ASAP. He can do it once he checks into his ship, dependents can be moved later, I just don't know how much later. If you go with him, he should get ten days to look for a place for you to live. That's house hunting leave and doesn't count against his leave balance. He does have to request it though.

You don't have quite the right idea about how life on a ship works. If you stay behind at home, they will make sure he has a place to stay, although it may be on the ship at first. You would still get your BAH for rent. If you are there with him, you get BAH for the VA area. He does have a good idea financially, but I can see why you would be concerned about three years! Also, tuition will be high in VA as you will be considered "out of state". Your schooling might be disrupted. Are you studying something you love?

A ship's schedule is what is subject to OPSEC. Your personal move should be handled with discretion, but that's not the same thing.

Ships deploy for six to eight months, with shorter drills, exercises and underways the rest of the time. It won't be a surprise when he comes in. There is an omnudsman, who is a volunteer spouse, who keeps everyone in the loop. You just aren't supposed to post the dates online. There is a lot of family support, and spouses clubs, and plenty of services and such you can use on base. You won't be left alone to wonder what's going on if you reach out.

There's a good thread on undesignated down in the misperceptions forum. It will be 12 months before he can go to an A school. Some are short, so you'd stay wherever you were anyway, the the Navy would pay to move you to his new duty station. He could just return to the same ship. If the school is longer than 20 weeks, the Navy will pay to move you there, then to his next duty station.

I hope this helps, and I know others will come along with more information. Keep asking questions!

[Anna]

I believe most schools will give in-state tuition rates if you are on the orders and provide a copy, fyi

[Anti M]

http://www.navyformoms.com/forum/topics/going-undesignated

[Melohhdee Div948 PIR10/15/10]

Anti M, i knew you would be the person to my rescue. you always have the information that i need. sorry i took a couple dayts to get back and reply, i lost internet for a couple of days. i've been keeping in good contact with my husband and were currently still deciding but i dont have a lot of time left. thank you for llink above, it really helped me a lot to understand what undesignated means. thanks again and God Bless.

[Anna]

Hi Melohhdee,

It can be really hard deciding between moving with your spouse and staying put. Everyone is going to have different ways of adapting so there is no right or wrong choice here. If you are concerned about the financial strain you need to start by making a budget. let me know if you need help with this because I do it all the time with my volunteer work with military families. I can even email a great excel spreadsheet that breaks down military pay. It can be hard to be away from family and support groups, especially when going through a separation or deployment. This is an unavoidable part of military life though. Learning how to reach out to others, get involved in your community, and joining deployment support groups on base are a huge help. you will learn strategies and may even enjoy the independence you find. so I would encourage you to not let deployments be the deciding factor. I would imagine you could make school work out where you are moving as long as there are schools available and you can transfer credits. there are many things to consider and different ways to prioritize your life. I would probably strongly consider moving if I were you. I love living with my husband and even enjoy moving, and exploring new places.
Moving in the military can be stressful! Even when our husbands have all the info (and they usually don't) we can't get them pass it all on to us! a great resource is http://www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil
I recently PCSed and might have more detailed info and checklists you might find helpful. Contact me if you'd like to talk more about it
Good luck!
Anna

[Arwen]

When your husband gets his orders, you will be on them. Because you are on his orders the Navy will pay for your move to his duty station.

One of the best ways to determine if you should move now or wait for later is now long the housing list is. If they have housing ready for you right away, then you may want to move immediately. If there is a long waiting list, then you may want to consider moving when housing becomes available.

The Navy does make allowances for sailors helping their family move to a new duty station. It won't cover the entire cost of his trip home, but it will pay for the expenses of getting you and your stuff to Virginia. That means that he will only need a ticket to your home, then he travels with you the rest of the way.

Either you pay for a U-Haul van, and they reimburse you for the van, gas, lodging, etc, along the way (keep your receipts) or you arrange for Navy movers to come pick up your stuff. Navy movers are free to sailors' families when moving on orders.

If you prefer to live in off-base housing, then they will still move you, but it takes a lot more arranging. You and/or your husband will have to find housing, then make all the lease arrangements before you move. It often means traveling to the area several times before you move, and that can be a pain.

Also, if he goes to A school (not all ratings require A school, some simply become rated on their ship through OTJ training), sailors usually return to their own ship. So you would stay in Virginia while he goes to school, then he'll just come right back to you. The Navy usually won't pay for spouses to make short-term moves to A schools anyway. It's considered a very temporary assignment.

As far as tuition goes, I agree with others here, MANY colleges waive out-of-state fees for military members and their families. You need to call the college that has your major, and ask about their policy. It may be that you won't have a problem. It's almost always easier to transfer into a college than being accepted as a freshman.

Personally, I recommend that you move with your husband. If you don't, as an undesignated seaman, he will likely be stuck living on his ship. I've done that, it's really a pain. Some bases have barracks (2-3 sailors per room) for all sailors, but if they're full, the most junior sailors are stuck on the ship.

While ships do go out on deployment, they are also home for long stretches, sometimes for months at a time. Having you there, being together for the next few years, in invaluable for a marriage. Being separated for years is very, very hard on a marriage. And some ships rarely go to sea. I was on a submarine tender, they only go to sea for a few days every few months, and a one-month deployment every year or two. It's just like shore duty.