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Comment by Bandmom on January 26, 2018 at 10:39am

My Sailor just received his first set of orders!!  He graduates from A School on the 9th and leaves for San Diego on the 27th.  He is so excited and we are so proud.

Comment by Jack's Momma on January 18, 2018 at 9:57am

@Anti M thank you for the insight, I had no idea about the education piece and I  will  try  my  best to  give them the heads up on that..  

Comment by Anti M on January 17, 2018 at 10:52am

That's so sad.  The Navy will not pay for her education!  Sure, there are a few scholarships for military spouses, but not much.  If they are thinking she can use his GI Bill, that is only after he has served for ten years!  

It takes a strong person to be a Navy spouse, there are many times the spouse has to do it all, take care of the bills and finances, the house, a job, and if there are kids, everything for them. It is HARD.  And the Navy won't let him run home if a pipe breaks, not even staying by her side for pregnancy and birth.  A potential Navy wife has to be smart, informed, and capable.  Even staying at home is a full time job.  If she can't run a household by herself, or cannot learn fast, she has no business being a Navy wife. 

While I encourage couples to go for it, I also warn them it won't be the pretty picture they envision.  A surprising amount of hometown girlfriends lose their sailors to other female sailors at A school ... so there's that to get through too.  

Hang in there, things can change in a flash.

Comment by Jack's Momma on January 17, 2018 at 9:22am

@Anti M I wish I could have you speak to her , she will not start her own career because her family has advised her to "let the Navy  pay for it" I  cannot stand that mentality. she only identifies as his fiancée and it is very discouraging to me. I told them both they are not  ready to be married and we believe in marriage is for a lifetime no quitting when it gets hard.

Comment by Anti M on January 16, 2018 at 12:19pm

It must be pretty overwhelming for you!  The military seems to accelerate marriage, for financial reasons, to be sure orders are "accompanied", or so the sailor can move out of the barracks.  About a third of military marriages fail, either the deployments are too much, or the new spouse is alone in a new place with no support, or both simply mature away from each other.  If they are wise, they'll agree on a long engagement, see what a six to nine month deployment feels like, and be sure she gets her own education started.  

Sorry for rambling!  

Comment by Jack's Momma on January 16, 2018 at 10:56am

Anti M She seems to  believe they will marry  in 18 months because they think this is when his A school  will be complete, Since he is on hold for  a month or longer no  telling when the A school completion will happen. They are 18 and 19  and in such a rush. I may ask  you  for  help the closer we get  

Comment by Anti M on January 15, 2018 at 2:12pm

I hope she understands that she must be entirely flexible on wedding dates.  The Navy will decide, and there's a decent chance it will be a courthouse wedding in order to get the marriage in his record before the detailer issues orders.  If you have any questions along those lines, Allison or I can fill you in on just how it all works, and what the consequences are of the various timings of when to wed.

Comment by Jack's Momma on January 15, 2018 at 2:02pm

 @Anti M and Allison I am so grateful he is in a warm building and we can get to him if need be. he is taking it all in stride, he is  engaged and I don't have the  heart to tell her and unless our son told her it won't come from me or my husband. He told us  yesterday that there is  another sailor there that has been waiting for 8 months, different rate, but I just can't imagine that. Thanks again for all the information, I used to be a planner but realize I just can't do that anymore. This is a new adventure for all of us as our older children went the college route and not  military.

Comment by Allison on January 15, 2018 at 11:46am

Jack’s momma, I’ll add that someone who came after him may class up before him, or he could class up before people who came before he did/have been waiting longer, and of course people who got there at the same time may go before or after he does. Don’t really know why this happens, sometimes they’ll fill a waiting class and sometimes if a whole “set” comes in, they’ll push them all at once and skip over a group. The point is, it’s truly unpredictable, even if his friends start classing up or the group right before him, or if there’s rumors of a month or two long wait, like AntiM said, you’ll just have to wait until he starts. The same thing will happen over and over again in the Navy.  It gets pretty frustrating, not being able to plan anything, not being able to even make an educated guess lol, but you get really good at throwing things together last minute and just living in the moment. My parents have warmed up to it finally, they say they like the excuse of coming to see us (since we can’t always plan ahead to see them)  to try traveling to places they might not have thought of, or making a trip out of it to finally see places they always wanted to nearby.

Comment by Anti M on January 15, 2018 at 11:09am

@Bandmom, I would think they'd allow him to continue with Honor Guard, as long as he is fulfilling all his other obligations.  he can put in a special request chit and get a firm answer.

@Jack's Momma ... going on hold to wait to "class up" is a common experience.  I was on long holds, and I went to ET A school 30 years ago!!!  They simply need to get enough potential ETs to form a class.  Some will have a longer wait than others.  Yes, every date will be pushed back quite a while.  The wait for the first part, ATT, is shorter, but for actual ET school, a month is not unusual whatsoever.  If you're trying to figure out his grad date, don't bother until he has begun attending classes.  A school is very much a time to just go with the flow, and be glad they're being paid and housed in a safe place.  It is frustrating for planners, but it is outside their control.

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