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Comment by lauren on March 30, 2009 at 3:06pm

Marcia you are in my prayers also ............it is hard to understand when we don't. ( whether right or wrong) I can understand covering up for a friend.... he probably thought a real friend would come forth and tell the truth.........
Although it is very frustrating when our "children" sign-up they are no longer our children, I had the Red Cross help me get my son a couple days at home when his Grand Pop was dying (he was his father figure), but my son told everyone that he loved them, but being in the Navy was just that, he was not able to up and quit when someone was sick...(although I know he'd do what he could if I or his bro was sick or hurt).. Now I must say that my son is older and I believe that it makes a difference ......but, they have signed up to do a job and it is over when their enlistment is over.......and then if they choose they can be ours again

you are all in my thoughts and prayers

Comment by LLovesmysailor on March 30, 2009 at 1:33pm

I agree that in some cases the Navy needs to handle things better, but I'm not sure in this case. Marcia, I don't want to in anyway make this sound like criticism. Just in some way explain some things. I don't know what happended on that sub, but for me the key words were that he covered up or protected some one else. Everyone on a sub depends on everyone else for their very lives. They depend on them to tell the truth no matter who is hurt. Covering up for anyone can cost lives and, since this can be a slippery slope, it almost always results in separation. I use to tell my sons that they would get in more trouble for not telling the truth than for whatever they had done. Sadly, I think this is the case. Marcia, please get in touch with the Red Cross and see if they can help.

Comment by lauren on March 28, 2009 at 10:01pm

Paula, I think my son thinks a lot like yours, there are some people that my son wants to be told right away about and then the extended people can wait to be told. I agree with you all in saying that it has to be their choice.

Comment by LLovesmysailor on March 28, 2009 at 4:52pm

I think Mark just made an important point. That is it depends on what type of sub they are aboard.. A fast attack could be in a port or near making port. A boomer is out and there is no chance to get home. So, it is important to talk to our sailors and honor their wishes.

Comment by Mark on March 28, 2009 at 4:00pm

When my Dad passed, I was deployed on the boat near Korea. I was off-watch in the rack when the word got to the boat, and I was awakened and told the CO had some news for me in his stateroom, where he gave me the word. The boat happened to be making a port call the next day in Chinhae, Korea, and the skipper asked me if I wanted to go back to the States for the memorial services. I was also married, and jumped at the chance. Arrangements were made for my travel from Busan to Seoul, and on to SeaTac. I was several hours late back to the States to make the services, but I was very grateful to have a week and a half with my wife mid-deployment prior to flying back to meet the boat on it's next stop. This was a fast-attack, and the timing was right, as far as the planned port call, and I'm not sure if the accommodation would have been made for other than a parent - but I think the chance to come home for a time on a deployment should be considered in this.

Comment by NevadaSierra on March 28, 2009 at 9:09am

Chiming in on bad news - our resident vets talked with our sailor - and he said do what you think is best. Grandpa said don't tell him till he is home, if it is about us. What he is doing is too important for too many to have him distracted. Then my husband chimed in. As some of you may remember last year was a very tough time - we thought we would loose both grand parent's then my husband in July w/his heart. All are find thanks to a lot of prayer and awesome medical science. It is a tough decision. I think our sailors have a level of guilt related to not beinb able to be with us also. For our sailor who calls once every six months if we are lucky, I will respect Grandpa's request and let the two of them settle up in heaven. I respect Grandpa's and my husband's wishes and their wisdom.
However, being the MOM doesn't help my heart to not have him available even for a phone call when we are all going through these tough times. I would say, rest assured that they think of us and their families as often as we do them. Be confident in their training and abilities. Seek you hearts, ask if you have the chance (or make it happen), know who your ombudsman is, and maybe you do choose to contact them but ask them not to tell him until you can. That way maybe our sailor's will have the support that they need to have when they hear. Whatever you decide, it is great to have this site and each other! ~s

Comment by lauren on March 27, 2009 at 10:52pm

Delivering the news is up to the COB. If you want him to know you should contact the ombudsman they can help you

Comment by NevadaSierra on March 27, 2009 at 10:44pm

Hi Pam: You know that you all have my prayers. It is an honor to return a wonderful gift to you. You are one very special friend, and I wouldn't want to miss the chance to have God's angels enfold your family in his comfort, care and healing. Blessings abound to all of you~s

Comment by LLovesmysailor on March 27, 2009 at 7:10pm

When my Mom died last summer, Alex was at sea. We notified the Navy and chose for the COB to tell him what had happened. We knew he couldn't get home, but we also knew that he would want to know that she had passed. I'm so glad we did it that way because when he did get home he thanked us for keeping him in the loop.

Comment by lauren on March 27, 2009 at 1:58pm

Oh Pam you are in my thoughts and prayers ....It is so hard , I had to wait to tell my son about an illness, that we knew was not going to turn out good.... It is so hard because we want to tell them, we feel so bad for not letting know, even though we know it is best for them.....
You and yours will continue to be in my prayers Please keep us posted
We are here if you need

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