Comment

Comment by Concernedad on October 10, 2012 at 11:29am

Bunker, OK, I'm trying to bounce back and forth between posts and I feel I'm missing something. Is this 25 year old young man your son we're talking about? Sorry, but again this reading from bottom to top stuff keeps me confused.

If so and your asking me, well I'm still trying hard not to be the helicopter parent. I have gone from advising my kids to sending them poignant articles I read on the internet and hope they get the message. More likely, they smirk and delete them without reading.

If you're asking me then, I think he needs some space, but then a reminder from time to time you're there and a note to let him know you are always proud of him and there if he needs you. I don't know that I agree with the "leave him alone as he's an adult now" theory. We're all adults and we all need support from someone. And going the route of making everyone proud and then feeling as if you've failed has got to be tough on anyone. Leaving him to find his own way often leads him to the wrong sort of support. I guess there's a fine line between being supportive and a enabler, but he obviously needs a guiding light right now. It would be better if it's not a family member who provides it. However, desperate times....

Comment by DramaSoul on October 9, 2012 at 5:16pm

BQB,

I am not a Navy dad.  I am a Navy mom and I am now at a point where the separation between my son and me is very real.For the first time in his life he is really on his own. Oh his has lived and worked away from home, but not far.  We joked that he was always within matzo ball soup distance if he was sick. Now...that is not the case. I do not doubt for a minute that he loves me and that he knows I love him unconditionally. I am a single mom and a daughter of a single mom so male role models weren't easy to come by. I won't go into any details but I finally feel that he is on his own and he is coming to grips with his choices.  He has completed his training for now and is at his first duty station. He is 23.  We are not communicating very much. He has spoken in anger recently and I hear what he wants...to have his own space and live his life.  I don't know if he will come home for any holidays.  All I know right now is that he is working, working out and that his room mate is a guy who has been with him through boot camp, A school and FMTB.  So...he has a friend. 

As to male role models...there are his two great uncles. One of whom was in WWII in the Navy and the other was in the Army at that time. They never wanted to talk about the war, although his Navy great uncle shared some photos with me (not long before he died) he had taken at Iwo Jima.  His cousin, my nephew, is the one who just made Lt. Col. He is the CRNA and I know he has inspired my son.

I am proud of my son and my daughter and vowed that I would always support them, 'though their choices are very different from mine.  My son's choice to join the Navy terrified me, quite frankly.  It still does.  But that is my issue, not his.  Right now, I am giving him the space he desires. I have a lot of patients who are vets and war is not something any of them recommend, although one of them, a Marine Viet Nam War Vet, credits his 'devil doc' for saving his life and thanked me for my son's service!

Not sure if this is a part of the thread or what you asked.  I was really impressed with your photos and family history.

Comment by Dan on October 9, 2012 at 4:01pm

QB,

You have a really sharp looking group of men.  You must be very proud.  My wife's uncle did not come back from war, and my own uncles would not talk about it. They simply said never go to war.

I am so proud of my sailor, and yes he did take some time after arriving at Pensacola before he started to communicate with us more regularly.  I do think that it is a mind set that they go through.  I myself moved out on my own after high school and went to college, and fought to be independent holding two jobs and going to school. 

Finally my grandmother talked me into moving in with her until I graduated.  It was the best thing for me, but it was a tough pill to swallow.  I really valued being independant.

I really hope that all this works out for this young man also.  It is a really hard time in a young man's life.

Dan.

Comment by Concernedad on October 9, 2012 at 2:27pm

well we didn't see a battle. We saw a battlefield and fort. Just to be clear. It's not like we started a war or anything. Although I am very capable.

 

Comment by Concernedad on October 9, 2012 at 2:26pm

meh....that's not such a good story........OK, just kidding. I don't come from a military background, but I love studying the history. We went this summer to see a War of 1812 battle. Very cool stuff.

Bunker, it's families like yours that motivates my son. Thank you.

Comment by Denise - browns57 on October 9, 2012 at 1:42pm

I'm sorry Bunker I missed the comment too!  Like Jack I went back to look for it and can't find it.  Someone is alway miffed at me, if not my husband or one of my kids it's someone at work.

If you get a chance Bunker please repost, I would love to read what you have to say.

 

Comment by Concernedad on October 9, 2012 at 12:23pm

I knew it! It's all Jack's fault for not noticing. Now I'm miffed at this group as well! All liberty suspended!

Comment by JackFlash on October 9, 2012 at 12:05pm

I didn't see the post Bunker... And I don't see it now, after going looking for it. You can still be miffed though.... Men are used to not understanding why the women in our lives are miffed at us. Often it is for something we didn't do, or didn't notice. Ha! That's exactly why the Man Cave was invented. It's a big improvement on the original design known as the dog house.

Comment by Concernedad on October 9, 2012 at 9:53am

Bunker, I don't recall reading your post (I guess I should and that's a part of the problem, but most of the time, the format here totally throws me where I don't know whether I'm supposed to be going back a page or forward and read bottom to top or vice a versa.

Sorry to hear you're miffed. I guess I can add you to the getting longer list of people who are miffed at me around here.

For what it's worth, I have been trying not to hog up the pages around here in hopes someone else might start a thread.

Comment by Dan on October 9, 2012 at 7:56am

QB,
Men like your brother in law could never be properly repaid for such service. The price they paid is just to high. I'm certain that anyone that haunts this site would agree.

I did not see your post. But it sounds inspirational. Perhaps something did not post correctly? If you still have it repost and we will gladly give you positive affirmation and appreciation for your brother in laws sacrifice.

Dan.

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