Boot Camp Moms (and loved ones)

DiannaB - I’m so sorry to hear that your son is struggling. Those first few weeks really are the worst. My son graduated May 5 and he told me that he could barely eat those first couple of weeks because he was so miserable. It DOES get better. The first time he called me, he cried as soon as I picked up the phone. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. They definitely break them down to build them up in later weeks. My son looks back on his time at RTC with a lot of pride, now. I hope your son will do the same. Stay strong, Mom - send lots of letters and encouraging words. <3

DiannaB, I am also very sorry to hear how your son feels. My guy shipped out on the 6th as well. Perhaps they are in the same Division. The one thing I have constantly reminded my son is that from my experience having gone through Great Lakes myself is: "His life in the fleet will be NOTHING like boot camp. AT ALL". The Navy (in my experience) was fun and interesting with no one yelling like in BC. Please remind him of that and I hope it gives him comfort that if he can just get past these 10 weeks, he will have a very fun, interesting and rewarding lifestyle. I will pray for your son to find some relief and peace.

My heart goes out to you DiannaB and your son. Praying that he will find his place there and push through, knowing that BC will end soon. It just seems like an eternity sometimes.

Its so helpful to know I'm not alone in this as my son walks this path so thank you!  Im not 100% sure I am doing this right but...

@ Sandra, thank you for your words of encouragement.

@ Diahn - that is very helpful. My son also said he didn't eat the first few days. Thank you!

@ 3rdgenproud - my husband who was airforce told him the same thing but Im sure its hard to believe while going through it. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement

@ joe-mom - Thank you so much for your prayers!

@ belovedbyHim - Yes, that is exactly what I did! He already got one and said that helped him a bit. I've written daily since then and will continue to. Thank you for that!

DiannaB - I echo all the others who have replied, especially sending Sandboxx letters, for this case. 

My son told me that the one thing they kept asking him over and over was - Are you homesick?? My son is a lot like me, in that sense of knowing I am just a phone call away usually - so that did not bother him much, he was more scared of doing something wrong and screwing up. 

But the yelling and screaming was getting to him. Mind you, this momma let off steam a lot, unfortunately with my kids - but as he say it, unnecessary yelling and especially the cussing was hard for him. They are trying to break him and get him to buckle - Keep sending him lots of encouragement and support. This first phone call is often one of the hardest for us moms to hear and for them to make. 

*as he saw it, unnecessary. 

Chipmunk - Yes I think the yelling/cussing will be or is a lot for him too. Do they normally call home around the 2nd or 3rd week? I'm hoping it will encourage him if we can talk to him longer. Was your son glad he stuck it out and does he like the Navy now?  Thanks for your input :)

Be sure to join your PIR group.  Here are the links:

PIR SEPTEMBER 2023

 PIR AUGUST 2023

 PIR JULY 2023

DiannaB -- You did it Perfectly!!  Yes they usually get the first "Social" call around week 3 or 4 (depending on if they "earn" it)  Those calls are usually 30 min to 1 hour (Plan on the shorter time) and tears are not unexpected! Try and keep your tears to a minimum... You can cry later and come here and vent!  You want to reassure them that this is NOT personal and it IS temporary!! Usually by week 5 things are looking better and by week 6 they are getting the hang of the whole thing!  By the end Nearly every person who had come back and shared has said their Sailor thought that BC wasn't really so bad.  My Sailor has been in for 10 years and he makes fun of me... He says I was more traumatized by BC than he was and I didn't go there! (It was rough going for a while but I am well over it and only stick around to encourage those who are feeling as lost as I was. )  Encourage him to take the long term view, to master the Million mile stare and to become a duck!! (Calm on the outside but furiously working to get his S*^t together underneath!! {do what he's told and do it as fast and as good as he can!})  Hopefully he doesn't tell them he's homesick and he's able to finish!

Chiming in with a me too.. my sailor sounded awful that first phone call. later called with a ASMOed. another sad one.. didn't get a good one until the end. but he got through. said he was glad he did it.. we wrote uplifting letters full of encouragement every day.. used Sandboxx.. gotta remind him it isn't that long and he can do it.. 

Boot Camp Mom's, I know  that going through this training sometimes seem exhausting. Trying to stay supportive and encouraging through your recruits tears and doubts while your dealing with your own fears and questioning ( is this really the best thing for them?)  I just want you all to know after 3+ years my son has no doubts about his decision, he absolutely loves what he is doing. He was one of the recruits that also had the added stress of Covid, not being allowed to have his family there or even able to leave bases for over a year.  Yet after everything he went through he will tell you this is the best decision for him. 10 + months might seem like a life time going through RTC but it is actually only a moment to achieve their dream. My son now works on the electronic systems on Super Hornet Jets.  He is proud of his achievements and as his Mom  watching those jets take off I too shared in all that hard work and was so proud!

Hi everyone.  Brand new Navy Mom here.  Grateful to have found this group and have been soaking in all of your wisdom and knowledge!  Great tips and advice.  Thank you!

hi babysharkmom.. now I'll be humming that tune for the next 24 hours lol...  Welcome.. feel free to ask away/vent/etc.. we are here with you through it all...

Welcome BabySharkMom -- (Yep... Earworm activated!!) I left a message on your page with a link to my blog that will provide some helpful Information to you.

BabySharkMom - Welcome Aboard!! This is the best place to post, and ask your questions and share your concerns. More of our members will see your posts here. There is a lot of information on this group page. If you are viewing on your mobile device, we generally recommend that you put your phone into desktop mode. 

There are pages on the upper right side of this page which Lemonelephant put together  - be sure to click View All.  Directly above are discussions, as well as the welcome information. On the upper left side we have links to videos, Navy Speak and OPSEC information.  

DiannaB - My apologies for my delayed reply, I had some other meetings. 

My son has actually just recently completed his 6 years of enlistment as a Navy Nuke. As I recall he had a phone call around week 3 and week 6 or 7 and then his "I'm a sailor" phone call the Wednesday afternoon before his PIR that Friday.  (That timing is different now, but it was how things worked 6 years ago.)

My son never went into the Navy with any plans for making this a career choice, so I am not really sure how to respond to your question of was he glad he stuck it out. He did realize that most of the yelling and cussing was just the way they did things, he just saw no point in the why of it. 

He served his time well, accomplished an advancement, dealt with all of his ship's progress towards deployment, even in the middle of COVID. Met his future wife on his ship, got married and has changed what he thought he would study with his GI Bill to something totally different because of his experiences, and relationships that he had during these last 6 years. Was it always easy, NO, it was hard, many long hard hours of studying and working, not to mention being halfway across the country from family. But I can't imagine what things would have been like, if that was not what he had done. And I have a wonderful DIL as well!

I don't have as much time to spend on this site as I used to, so I am sharing this while I am thinking about it, not as a message directed to any single person.

Sending our kids off to BC is not easy, but neither is having one of them come home from BC or later on down the road. Through the course of time that my son was in the Navy and I have been a part of this group, he knew of many people who were separated, including a very good friend of his. I have had private conversations with members about their sailors separating out. B'sNukeMom likes to say, "It is not the end of the world."  But it can feel like it, and it can be hard to know how to best support your loved one. I don't have any magic words to say, but you are not alone and neither are they - it can just seem like that. 

We are proud of every young man and woman who offer to serve their country and enlist in the military or become an officer. But sometimes things don't work the way we planned, and life takes a different direction. Offer encouragement, but mostly just be there to listen if they need to talk, or silent if they don't want to talk, and let them know you love them!  

Sandra - He was hard to spot even though he was in the back row (tallest in back, shorter in front).

He is now in Groton, CT for 2 months. He is coming home this Saturday (just for the day). How exciting!

Shebamom-

We are all so proud! 

Be sure to join your PIR group.  Here are the links:

PIR SEPTEMBER 2023

 PIR AUGUST 2023

 PIR JULY 2023

Good Morning / Afternoon - I know we have some newer members that joined and I or BelovedbyHim may not have had a chance to post a hello on your profile page. We are glad you have joined us. 

I just want to remind everyone, this area on our group page, - Comment Wall - is the best place to please post your questions about anything related to BC. The way the notifications work, more members are likely to see your question here, than in some of the other random pages or discussions. 

And if we miss answering a question for you. Do not hesitate to ask again. We all volunteer our time here and some days we may have more able to reply than others. 

Phone Card Question that was posted elsewhere - 

6 years ago, I found my son's calling card at a CVS pharmacy - 

Where have people found them lately? And I know that someone asked or shared about a Virtual or Digital phone card? 

Remember they can purchase their phone cards at RTC as well. 

Please share your replies here as well as on our Phone Cards and Phone Calls page with any updated newer information. Thanks!!

Hi!! Well it is getting close and their recruiter requested her to take 6 pairs of athletic shorts 6 t shirts and 3 sports bras.  He did not specify colors or styles. Should she bring traditional short sleeve t shirts, or traditional short sleeve and colors. Any help is appreciated.  She leaves Monday.  She has texted her recruiter but he has not responded.  Thanks for any help!

Happynurse - I think they will let her keep her sports bras but I don't think they'll let her keep the shorts and t-shirts. The boxes are no longer sent home - they keep them there until PIR.  She could always take them but with the understanding they may get put back in her box and stored.  She's also able to bring her own running shoes.

@Happynurse In the START guide she should have received from the recruiter, they should have all the info you need there and the truth of it is, they are allowed to keep very little - no clothing. Probably the sports bras though. Things like a wallet with the phone card if you're sending her with one (can be bought on site as well), very little cash like $20 and their ID for flying in it. A small booklet with contacts/addresses she'd like to write (and my suggestion would be any contact info on any references that may have been needed for her job, if any.) My boy took his shoes as he has a large foot which is wide and we weren't sure. They still issued him shoes but allowed him to keep the tennis shoes he came with. After P Week (first week there), he decided the issued shoes weren't going to work for him so he was able to switch back to his familiar tennis shoes. They were grey but that's what he happened to have. Everything is packed up in a box when they arrive except for these very few key items so I have no idea why a recruiter would say what they did. If you can reach someone else in the recruitment office that's probably your best bet.

@Chipmunk - CVS was the only place I could find those. The kind at the grocery store weren't the right type and expired if you didn't use them in 30 days - read the fine print for sure! I had to ask where they were in CVS, too, they weren't up front. Turns out they put them with the greeting cards.

I would like to remind everyone and let the new people know especially, that questionnaires seem to be appreciated amongst the recruits! My son doesn't love to write but he really has enjoyed me making questionnaires to send him. I started with one on this site and edited it. For one thing, they don't do "sharks" anymore so you can leave that off! My son was confused at that question - haha - he was like, "yes I like sharks, what do you mean?" (We're scuba divers - I was asking about the exercise!) I send one nearly weekly now. He actually complained that one was too short last time I spoke to him! He apparently prefers them to be 2 page, or one front and back. (I have found that you really need to send these snail mail. Sandboxx counts a line break (or a return) as a LOT of character and you won't be able to get much of a survey to them.

HappyNurse - I just got off the phone with my DIL. She said 5 years ago, she was not even allowed to keep her sports bra that she had worn to BC. - This recruiter sounds more like he is joking with you honestly, because when I read your list - it sounded like you were sending your daughter to Cheer Camp!!

Honestly, my DIL said the boxes are small and even though they are keeping them, there is still very little room. They strip naked and are issued underware to put on, then their PT shorts and t-shirt, their sweatpants and hoodies, they put on over that. Then they pack their seabags (I think she said.) 

I do know they are now able to keep a pair of regulation running shoes. I think there was a post on the RTC FB site, a few months back. She can wear those shoes but will still be issued others. 

My DIL said, they will be spending the night in the hotel before MEPS and so will have those clothes to go in the box, as well as cell phone and charger. 

She can take a small sized religious text. A small breast pocket sized memo book. I believe my son was able to keep his disposable BIC pencil. That has the pencil lead in it. They can take some stuff to put their hair up. They were not even allowed to keep their socks. 

Also, she said, she can double check and get her haircut into a regulation haircut, but she does not have to. My DIL tried to do that, but they did not think it was regulation and as she shares and has shown us pictures, it was a botched up haircut for her!

Oh she said they are able to take tampons and pads, but they are also issued a $250.00 gift card from the NEX that is taken out of their first paycheck. So, shampoo and conditioner etc. can be purchased there. Just remember that if they are flying out, they can not have any of that in their carry on bags and they really do not want to put stuff like that in their seabag that is checked. My son had to leave a big bottle with TSA because he forgot about that when he was boarding. 

Thanks all for your replies, I did not stop to read so I could remember what my DIL said. 

@travelinmom  Thank you for the advice...can you tell me where you got the questionaires on this site?  also what a great idea for our kids who are not chatty!!

TravlinMom - as I recall, the cards were in an odd spot in our CVS as well. We are in a metro area and I went all over the place looking for them. - And yes, definitely read the fine print before you buy the cards! And see how much is used up with a call as well. 

G'sNukeMom & Eds Mom Danielle - Welcome to the BC Mom and Loved ones group. - This is the spot to post your hellos, ask your questions, if you haven't already and get to know others. 

I am just trying to post - so the other members know who all has joined. 

Eds Mom Danielle - there is a lot of information in the pages on the upper right side of this group page. Be sure to click View All 

At least one of the questionnaires should be found in this post - Letter writing and fun stuff/questionnaire - We use hyperlinks a lot on this site so click on the blue letters and it will take you to that page directly. 

Long post. I'm sorry. Just need some support, I guess. Has anyone else been made to feel ashamed because of missing their kid on occasion, especially when said kid is in bootcamp? I'm doing everything I know to do: praying, journaling, reading regular books, exercising, reading my Bible daily, taking classes, writing daily to my recruit, talking with friends and loved ones about a variety of topics; I give myself tasks to do every day, including a special project I'm working on with another Navy Mom. I fill my days as much as possible, I focus on the positives, I spend time with my husband and my son who is still at home, and YET there are still moments when I miss my son and wish with everything in me that I could just get a letter. I KNOW he has very limited time to write back, and I would MUCH rather he spend his "free" time studying, sleeping, or just building relationships. I don't pine for a phone call, or spend my days crying. I just wish the letters said he had written during our Week 3 call would arrive. When I posted that on my personal Facebook page I got a comment, and even a few messages about maybe God doing a work in me to make me a better person and how electronic communication has ruined people's ability to wait and write letters. This is not the first time I've been made to feel like even occasionally missing my son is wrong, and that I need to just let him go "because he's grown and it's time." My son is one who graduated high school, turned 18, and left for bootcamp all within a month, and we were very close. It seems as if I say anything other than how excited I am, or how proud I am, that I'm wrong for how I feel. Has anyone else encountered this? I'm not looking to get beat down anymore, please. Just wondering if missing my son is wrong, and if maybe I just need to stop talking about him. For reference, I've made three posts on my personal page since my son left. One mentioned my phone call with him and how he was struggling a bit. (Apparently that was wrong, because I was reminded that he's not in the Marines or the Army, so he's fine.) My second post was me reflecting and asking if anyone would be willing to write him to support him. (Apparently THAT was wrong, because he's in bootcamp and I need to let him go and do my own growing.) My third post was about me wishing I could get a letter. I just don't understand some people's responses, and wonder if others have encountered this, or if I just need to stop saying anything. If you read all of this, I'm sorry for the length, but thank you for reading it all.

@Rebecca - sounds to me like you have the wrong friends on Facebook and it's time to do a cleanout! If people can't be supportive, you don't need them, they aren't your people. You aren't wrong for missing him. It's tough, for sure! My youngest went in at 17 and is now recovering from an injury at boot camp and I don't get a phone call except every 2-3 weeks. Not saying that to scare you, just know you're not alone! I think about him constantly and I write to him often, as well as make questionnaires to send him. Getting those back is GOLDEN and so much easier for them than writing out thoughts. Always keep your letters upbeat and don't mention any diagnoses of any mental illnesses etc - assume everything is being read by someone else. It is training for us as much as them, in a way, but that doesn't make it easier for sure. Just know that you're not alone. And again, just edit your tribe!

shoot.. accident deleted my post.

what total shitty people.. FB is a dumpster fire on the best of days.  I have a hidden private account just for Navy related groups.

I miss my homeschooled, only child every day. We were numb after dropping him off for the trip to BC. Now two years later he started his fleet job today having finished two years of school.. I miss being a 'home' mom so much at times.. most times I'm okay. other times not so much.. still shower cry occasionally.  How we deal with this situation is unique to all of us but shared,, we are here for you and we lived for the few letters and calls we got.. still do kinda lol..  sometimes you need to take that personal time and grieve for the changes. and it will be on your personal timeline.. heck with those others.. they don't get it..

Eds Mom Danielle -- Welcome.   I'm pretty sure that the question has been answered but I'd not make my self crazy trying to chase down a calling card.  They can buy them at RTC and that may be easier than running all over town looking for a payphone calling card instead of a Cell phone minutes card.

Rebecca, no one has the right to tell you how you should feel. Everyone deals with things differently, you may have to remove yourself from people who make you feel like that. A mom and her children have a bond like no other.

Sandra

Rebecca - thank you so much for your vulnerability in your post.  I totally agree with TravelinMom and Trey - your FB "friends" who make those comments are not your friends.  I hope that we can be your tribe and can be a source of encouragement for you.  (And I hope that you can purge your friends list to be those who get you and who can hold your arms up during this difficult journey!)  

I'm trying to attach a picture from my FB post almost 2 years ago.  It's the day that USPS Informed Delivery told me that I was getting a letter from my son.  The flag is up on the mailbox because I had put all those letters I wrote him in the box, and I was waiting for my postman Carl to deliver my son's letter.

I did all those things you mentioned to occupy my time, and I still cried often.  I would ask my husband, "Do you think Joseph remembers that he has a momma?"

Please come here and share anything you are feeling.  We have been there and we will support you in this journey.  Big hugs to you!

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travelinmom  I got the questionaires!  Thankyou so much!

Chipmunk..thank you for your help...questions found and downloaded xoxo

I did not realize how valuable the calling cards were when I volunteer at the USO...now I know!

Rebecca  I read your long post and fully support your feelings about your son.  I would follow the advice to "clean out" your facebook group.  You need positive people in your life!  

Rebecca, I don't post anything about my feelings on Facebook unless it is to a Navy Mom. I am so grateful for these sites and the  ability to join with other compassionate kind Moms that understand exactly all the emotions we are going through!

Rebecca -- OH MY!!! NO  YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!!!!! Please go back and read that again!!!  YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!!!!  I seriously want to Smack some of these people!!! It doesn't matter that you are proud or that he's not in the Marines or Army -- What does that have to do with anything??!!! (They have more communications than Navy in BC)  Electronic Communications have made our lives easier but how many of these "People" have had their child leave and had NO Communications at all with them??  College, you can pick up the phone and call, or go see them so those moms need to be quiet or supportive.  Other Military moms....They should be supporting you not tearing you down!

I just wanted to encourage you all! It's normal to have ALL the feelings!! When my Sailor left I was a HOT MESS!! He had gone to MEPS a year before and was in DEP his entire Senior Year so it wasn't like I didn't know it was coming but when the time came I just melted down! I couldn't stop crying when we took him out to dinner the night before. My DH Found this site and I DEVOURED everything I could find. The ladies were AMAZING and they were the ones who let me know I could go to MEPS and see him swear in and go to the Airport to wait till he flew out. They told me what milestones to look for and that NO News was Good news. They also showed me that it's ok to not be ok with this path your kid has chosen but that WE (parents) Don't get to make the choice. My DH was Navy when we got married and I understood the lifestyle and the emotions that went with that too and that was part of why I didn't want my kids to serve. 
One day I just needed to get it out! The KIB (Kid In a Box-- All the stuff they took to BC-- They don't do this anymore) Had arrived but there was no letter, no phone call and no communications. So I went to his room, put his Senior Picture on his bed and LET IT GO!!! I Yelled, I Cried, I Beat the bed, I Punched the Pillows, I said ugly things and fearful things and Loving things..... What I forgot was to make sure the house was empty... After a while I looked up and my Dear Husband (DH) was standing in the door with our shaking pup... He asked if he needed to call someone to get me some help! I Burst out laughing!! It was cathartic and I felt a million times better for having said out loud all the things that had been running through my head but my poor husband, pup and youngest were sure I had just had a complete mental break from reality and they were concerned! If you choose this route (I Do Recommend it!!) Just make sure you warn your loved ones or better still make sure you are alone!
We are 9 years in with at least 3 more to go. He's planning to go career (20 years) so I expect many more years. It's not always Sunshine and roses. It was Brutal that his first duty station was overseas but on the positive side it motivated us to go to Italy! He has made stupid choices that had real consequences but he has learned and matured from them. He has cried about being lonely and he has had times when he struggled to make friends but overall the Navy has been good for him and he has finally figured out how to keep those friends even when they are time zones apart. (Covid was a positive in that respect!)

It's ok to not be sure how you feel right now. Just know that this is a Safe place to express all those feelings whatever they may be! We will not judge or reject anyone. We are here to help you navigate the Navy waters!! If you need a safe Harbor we will be that! IF you need someone to help you chart your course, we are here for that too! If you are lost in a storm of emotions, We will light your way to calmer waters!! And if you just need an Anchor to hold fast to we are here for that too!!
We haven't lost a mom to Boot Camp yet, we aren't going to start with any of You!!

Oh and I forgot to add that my sailor left for Bootcamp the day before his brother's birthday! That was a really crappy day for my youngest!!

MomofJoseph -- I remember that photo and when you first came and shared!!! You were so excited!!

MomofJoseph - BelovedbyHim beat me to it, but I was going to say the same thing!! I was checking my messages in my email feed and I saw your picture, and I thought - "I remember when you posted that!!!" 

I am jumping in without reading all of the comments, but we are family here, and this is your training ground and where you learn the ropes, and what it is like to be a Navy Mom or loved one. We are here to help you and encourage you - not every place on the internet is the same way. 

Shebamom - I am glad to hear that things are going well for your SR and you are gaining your Navy Mom sea legs!!

Rebecca - People post comments like they do, because they really don't have any way to relate and they don't stop to think or evaluate their comments. (I finally had a chance to read all the way through your post.) 

I remember coming back from PIR and sharing my son's BC picture with a friend of mine. I was at a group situation for my youngest son and another mom came and looked over my shoulder and said, "it is such a shame that we send our young people off to the military.!" - Needless to say, I came crawling back to this group with my head down and may "tail" between my legs!  - How could someone have said that to me?  The ladies all reaffirmed me and reminded me that most people just don't understand. 

My son graduated HS in May, and left for BC a month later on his father's birthday. I reacted a lot differently with my son leaving, because I expected him to be coming back home in 6 years and we would pick up where we left off. That is so not true. - It was sort of for my two older girls who had gone off to college, they both came back home and lived for a year at home. Needless to say, after 6 years and my son completing his enlistment period, as much as he wants to come home, he is also now married and his sailor gal has her own enlistment orders. So, my son is still gone and this time it hit me a lot harder than it did when he first left home. 

As B'sNukeMom shares, - It doesn't get easier, but we get stronger!!

And Partyofseven is not on as much but she would often share about those darn "Navy allergies!"  We all have them and you are not alone.