Advice...

[just a girl with a broken heart]

I had someone ask me this on my blog today. While I do not feel I am qualified enough to answer it I felt bad not answering it. I do not think I am an expert on love and relationships, or the military, but I do feel I gave some pretty valid advice. If I left anything out or if you think you can add anything to this please tell me..... 

 

How do I convince my girlfriend that it's a good choice for the both of us that I join the military?I have wanted to Join the Navy for as long as I can remember. I am 27 now and the things that prevented me from going before are gone. I would join for the experience ,health benefits, education benefits, traveling, defending my country...just need some help or should I just flat out say I am joining...stay with me or sadly goodbye?

 

Well hello! I must say I am a bit flattered you have decided to ask me for advice. While I am not sure on all the details of your relationship I cannot answer this question for you, I can however give you some advice…

The bottom line is this: How much do you love each other? It takes great love and sacrifice on both ends of a relationship to include the Military and the US government into your lives like that.

Things  I don’t know about you:
1. How long you have been together +  if you are ever planning on getting married.
2. Why she does not want you to join

1 – In my opinion love and marriage in the military is about LOVE, TRUST, SACRIFICE, GIVING, and COMPROMISE. Without one of these things it isn’t going to work.  I don’t know how long the two of you have been together but do you see yourselves ever getting married? If not then your relationship might not make it through your enlistment.  The military does not recognize a girlfriend. They will not move her when you get relocated, she will not get health benefits or separation pay, and you will not get the BAH with dependents pay.  If you do want to get married or are planning on it/have talked about it, it will be a bit easier on the both of you.

You also have to remember if you plan on making this your career that means she has to give up on having one herself. She will never be able to work the same job for 20+ years, she will always be looking for new work every time you move. It means leaving friends and family behind and having to always make new relationships just to know in 2-3 years you will be saying goodbye to them as well. It means if you ever have children they will go through the same things, always changing schools, making new friends, and trying to “fit in” again. This is the sacrifice she will have to make and may not be willing to. It is not an easy one to make. You have to be each other’s BEST FRIEND through this.

 

2 – Also you have to find out WHY your girlfriend is having a problem with the decision.

Does it make her nervous?  If so what is it that makes her nervous?  This is a normal feeling, and if you take the time to research this together it will ease both of your nerves. My I recommend www.navyformoms.com. This site is not just for moms, I am a wife and I am on there all the time. There are tons of other wives, siblings, grandparents, girlfriends, dads, and moms on there that are more than willing to answer any questions she has from boot camp to “A” school to deployments.

Is she afraid she won’t see you again? This would be a very valid fear, especially if you are not planning on or are married.  Boot camp is 9 weeks, then you have “A” school which can be anywhere from 9 week up to a year depending on your rate. Then some go on to “C” school.  Unless you are married, the Navy will not move your girlfriend to your schooling locations, and even if you are there are, the only time they will move your family is if your schooling is 22 weeks or longer. Otherwise they won’t move the family until you get orders to your first duty station. This is where the love, trust and sacrifice come in. If you love is strong enough and both of you trust each other 100% then the distance is only physical.  Yes it’s hard. Yes it causes pain. And Yes it feels like forever. This is the sacrifice she must make if she is willing to support you and your new career. But it makes it so much easier if there is a strong, trusting and loving bond between the two of you.

Does she not trust you? If trust is lacking in your relationship it will make deployments and temporary separations that much harder on the two of you, married or not.

 

As you can see there are many factors that go into making this type of decision, I could probably go on and on, but only the two of you can decide if it is right for you.

For me, when this came up in my household I supported it 100%. Not only because joining the Navy was something I always wanted to do, but because a marriage is all about compromise. I was a bit nervous, I did have a lot of questions, and I was scared as well. But when it came down to it, this was something my husband had become so adamant about I couldn’t say no. I was not going to tell him he could not follow his dreams because I wanted to be selfish and have him home with me all the time. I came to him with a compromise. I said “you can do the first 6 years. If in that time we decide this is not the lifestyle for us, or it is affecting our relationship then you don’t re-enlist.” I was not going to be the one he held a grudge against because I told him no. I didn’t want to be the reason he looked back on his life in 50 years and asked himself “What would it have been like if I had joined?” “What did I miss out on?”

 

You have to weigh the pros and cons. You have to work together on this. Open communication between the two of you is key at this point. You both have to sit down and have a serious chat. This is a life changing decision not only for your life but hers as well.  And well if it comes down to it and this is truly your dream, and she is still adamant on you not going you have to ask yourself, is she really the one for me?  

I really hope I helped at least a little, as I said before there is not a clear cut answer for this it is something you have to work on together.  I appreciate you wanting to serve our country and I hope the two of you can work out all the kinks. I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

 

[BunkerQB]

My God! You need to start a "Dear Heather" column.

[just a girl with a broken heart]

hahaha.... when the question came through to me I had to ask myself "does my blog say "Dear Heather" anywhere?" I was like "I am in no way qualified to answer this...." but judging from your response I am thinking I did pretty well.... ♥

[BunkerQB]

Sweetie, you did great. My sailor son has been going w this girl for 6+ year (two year break in between). They broke up after college when my son joined the Navy and she was unhappy with that. My son said it was important to get going on a career (regardless of whether the Navy was a life long career or not). Two years later, she had gotten a job (she has been working for two years now) and he is heading towards the last 1/4 of his commitment. It has worked just fine for them. I am pretty sure they'll get married.

[just a girl with a broken heart]

aww... I am so happy to hear that their relationship is that strong and there is the possibility of marriage! ♥

 

At first I was excited, then once the papers were signed I got nervous. When he left for BC I got scared and I wondered if we had done the right thing.... But this is his dream and I could never imagine telling the man I love he cant follow his dream. I told him I would be his biggest supporter and will ALWAYS be waiting for him! he has great plans to make this his career, and at 29 I can understand this. He came from a Navy family, his dad is retired, He has grown up living the life, me... I didnt know the first thing about being part of a military family, so I had to offer that initial compromise. I truly feel we have that "forever kinda love" and we can make it through anything.  

 

I want to thank your son for his commitment to our country and also thank you, his family and gf, for being there to support him! ♥

 

[just a girl with a broken heart]

I HAD to refer them to this site! This is the reason I am getting through BC! I LOVE this site!

Link to my blog:

http://lifeasanavywife.tumblr.com/

[just a girl with a broken heart]

i found it on Etsy.com, here is the link:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/66008214/navy-purse-with-pockets-and-belt