Deployment. The Good. The Bad. The...Beauty...

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Hey N4M,

 

I haven't written in a while. I have been so caught up in life lately I have hardly had time to think straight. So here is a little catch up. My husband is now on deployment, (our first one) and it has been one hell of a ride and we are not even through the first half! There has been so many changes in myself and in my husband that we have been noticing everytime we talk. Of course deployment SUCKS, we all know that. And there has been a few tiffs that always seem worse when you can't call them back and work things out right then and there. But somehow, we always seem to work past the bad and become stronger and more in love. Never did I think that I would actually sort of enjoy deployment. Don't get me wrong, I miss my husband dearly. But when we talk, it is always so awesome to hear how much he misses me. I was feeling slightly unappriciated for a while before he left. And I think he was feeling the same way, and now that we are apart we are realizing all of the beautiful things about marriage that we took for granted.  It is really scary how quickly you can get caught up in life and how easy it is to focus on the negative about a person. But now that he is gone, I feel like all I want to do is build him up and tell him how awesome he is. They say it is really important to give you husband extra support when he is on deployment. I thought this would be something I would have to work at, and remember to do, I thought I would be too caught up in my own feelings to focus on him. In reality, focusing on him and supporting him seems nothing more then natural. I nearly fiend to hear his voice so I can tell him that I am so proud of him and how glad I am to have such an awesome husband. And I have my bad days sometimes...my mom calls everyday a day of grace she tells me "There are no good days, or bad days, just days of grace. Somedays he gives us the grace to enjoy, and somedays he gives us the grace to endure."  And the days I endure, are hard, and sometimes quite ugly...I cry, I complain, I am lazy and sometimes down right grumpy at everyone. But inexplicably, I always seem to find beauty in the breakdown. And the beauty is the breakdown itself. It is the pain and hurt, the lonesome heart...People always say you need to stay strong, but I truly believe that when you reach your breaking point, is when you are the strongest. You are letting yourself feel the truth. The truth that you love another being to the point of no return. Admitting that kind of weakness, strength, dependancy, and independace, is the hardest thing you could do. Because love truly is all of those things. It has to be all of those things to survive life. You have to be weak, to let eachother inside, to see the real you. Strong enough to endure the flaws of eachother, dependant on that person to be your everything, and independant enough to be true to yourself in the process of living your life with another person.  Love is a more complex and beautiful thing then I ever imagined it to be. And in the process of grieving my husbands absence, and the realization of how strong our bond is, I have somehow found the strength to carry on and see the beautiful things that deployment can do for a marriage. I am so thrilled to see what our future has in store. And getting through these next 5 months, I am sure I will be faced with some hard times and bouts of loneliness. But I do believe that it will get easier from here on out. Deployment is hard, but dwelling on it, is harder.

 

Mothers, Wives, Fiances, Girlfriends, and any others out there: If your sailor is on deployment, stationed internationally or just fresh in bootcamp. Please remember that your bond will never be broken by the land or the ocean. You all have the strength to get through each and everyday. The days of Grace are with us all. <3

 

Love,

Rachelle.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Thanks Judy <3

[NJNavy (IC,CS)]

 Hi Bella,

 

Enjoyable read! We Stand Tall,Stand Proud and Stand Together!

[navy25]

Beautiful Letter Bella, You should Frame it with a foto of you and hubby. Hang in there Strong Navy Wifes Rock and when you feel a bit blue you know you have this website to lean on and our prayers are with you and your Sailor as the same to all Our Navy Family.