Every mom deals with it differently

[Arwen]

When I joined N4M (just before my son left for boot camp in Dec. 2009) I kept hearing complaints from moms who were told by friends and co-workers "Why so upset, it's just like sending them off to college."

Hmmm, I thought. I couldn't imagine being terribly upset. Yes, I sent my son off to college the year before, and I couldn't see any difference myself, and I told the moms that.

Six months later I got a message from one of the moms who was part of that conversation asking if I still felt the same way.

I had to answer "yes."

He wasn't here. Okay. No problem. He wasn't here in college, either. The only difference was in college I wasn't forced to hand-write letters. I had more communications from Chris in boot camp than I ever got when he was in college. If anything, boot camp was easier because I knew he was being monitored, under control, and not out doing something stupid like skipping class or playing video games all night before an exam. I could relax because he was in good hands.

Do I love him? Of course! Do I miss him? Not really. He calls home, a lot. Again, more than he did when he was in college. And I know he's safer than he was in college. We used to live on a college campus, I know what goes on there. The Navy is a LOT safer, and more conducive to helping a young man mature and grow.

Mostly I'm curious about his adventures, about how the Navy has changed since I was in 20 years ago. I want to know as much as I can, as much
as OPSEC allows.Soon he will be going to sea. He's headed for Japan, and I'll only see him once a year. That's not bad. My husband sees his parents about once a decade, and its been that way since he was in the Navy.

Chris is coming home for leave next month before he goes to Japan. While I look forward to his visit, I also dread it, because, like all long visits from relatives, it's a change in my routine. It's exhausting having someone in the house who is not part of the routine. We no longer have a bedroom for him, he has to sleep in the living room on the couch, and we've moved since he left us, he has no friends here. So he will be home all the time. But I won't be there much. I work strange, long hours.

Parents complain that their kids come home, then disappear. I wish Chris had friends here, peers he could share his experience with, to show off his uniforms and brag to how awesome he is with a pistol, and be the "toast of the town" while he visits. But there will be no parties, no hanging out. Just laying around at home, reading and probably a lot of sleeping.

It will be a relief when he leaves for Japan. It's not that I want to get rid of him, or don't love him. He's an adult now. I didn't raise him to be a momma's boy, to hang around home forever. If he did, I feel I would have failed at my job as a parent. I raised him to be an independent adult, to go out into the world and find his way. I supported him in his transition from young adulthood while he tried college, passed through boot camp, struggled in A school. Now its time to cut what threads remain on my apron strings. It's up to him now. All I ask for is some basic updates once in a while.

Now I await the chance for his younger brother to fly, too. And soon, I hope.

[Arwen]

There are good and bad things about everything. I'm not a PR person for the Navy, I simply tell it like I see it. I don't gloss over what I don't like just because I like the Navy. I'm the first to laud the good - and criticize the bad.

The Navy isn't perfect, nothing is. I'm not going to hide the bad parts. Do they good parts outweigh the bad? Definitely, otherwise I wouldn't be here, I would have done my best to talk him out of joining and certainly wouldn't be encouraging my other son to join as well.

I have amazing memories of my time in the Navy, but I find some of the changes in Navy tradition to be a bit shocking to me and I have heard other "old time" sailors say the same. Some *are* for the better. Hazing ceremonies we cherished really did become hazardous to the health and safety of sailors. I knew a guy who had his arm broken getting his crow "tacked on" and my husband's best friend developed a severe infection after his dolphins were tacked on and the pins deeply punctured the skin on his chest. As an old sailor I'm sad to lose the traditions, but it was definitely a good choice for the Navy to do that they needed to do. People were getting hurt.

I know most ships still do mess cranking. My cousin said that it's only the newest ships and they're designed for it. I fully expect my son to crank, his ship is one of the oldest in the Navy and probably still has the oar rows for when the engines fail. =~P

[SM312]

too many of our young men have no direction, either they try college and can not handle the freedom, or they just hang out, live at home, make a little spending money and have no plan for their future. Yes, the separation hurts, but it is such an important step to their independence, that I have to get over it. By the time graduation comes, I will be fine.

[Kacey(1109M)]

I agree, I was sad at first and do miss him- but know he had to leave the nest sometime. he was really getting antsy to move on with his life and do something! My friends and neighbors are being very supportive, but after the first few days I feel fine! Reading some of the comments on the forums and chats make me feel like a bad mom, for not missing him terribly and mourning his departure. I have 2 other children who went to college and I cried like crazy when they left also but knew they were making their own way in the world...they do return all grown up but still your child!

[Orca (Sailor's Mom)]

My son is in BC The first letter I got from him said that he loved me but didn't misss me. My response was love you too and don't miss you either...hasn't been long enough to miss you. Some history: son is an eagle scout an this past summer is the first one he spent home in six years. He was always gone during the summer scouting _jambories-national & world, working at scout camp or volunteering with OA at high adventure camps. This year was the first time we celebrated his birthday with him home since he was 10. Back to the present: we have grown to be apart and for him to start his new life in the Navy and he is soooooo excited he's on his way. We'll keep in contact and see each other when we can. After all isn't that what we as parents have been doing for the past 17 or 18 years----raising our children to be able to start their new chapters of their lives as best as they can.