For the girlfriends...

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Dear N4M,

I have recently had a run in with a few girlfriends who are young and in love and very new to the navy lifestyle and have tons of questions about jumping into the ropes of marriage, and even bigger, the Navy life as a wife.  So here is for you Navy Girlfriends, here is my advice, my honesty, my love, my support and my story. Enjoy.

 

Two years ago, when I first logged onto N4M and created my profile as a proud Navy Girlfriend, I was at a complete loss as to what I was doing. I was you, I was scared, nervous, excited, full of questions and very much in love. I was 20 years old and ready to take life by the horns and be a Navy Wife. At this point I had been with my beloved for 2 years. We had been attached at the hip since day one. And it had taken me one of those 2 years to actually come to terms with the fact that he wanted, more then anything to join the Navy. I had come to the conclusion that his selflessness to join the military should be an example of who I should grow to be as well. I should put my fears aside and support him in his goals. Before he left for boot camp we had talked about marriage, yet thinking logically, we decided to wait until after bootcamp to further our steps into the life of a married couple. The day he left for bootcamp, I had decided then and there that my heart would never heal from the betrayal I felt when he walked away from me and to the cab to catch his plane to Great Lakes, Illinois. I was angry. I cussed and screamed and cried the whole way home. HOW COULD HE LEAVE ME? HOW COULD HE JUST WALK AWAY FROM ME??? Again, I reminded myself of the selflessness he was going to show for his country, and took a step back to look at the situation from a different perspective...In the following weeks I found myself on the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime. I felt as though I was grieving his death. I was up and down, there were days when I couldnt keep my eyes free from salty liquid. And there were days when I felt on top of the world and "proud" couldnt even begin to describe how I felt about MY BOYFRIEND being in bootcamp. As time went on, I felt myself growing stronger, more indpendant. And before I knew it, I was on a plane to Great Lakes to watch him graduate. PIR was the most rewarding and gratifying experiance, if you are a girlfriend and you do not plan on going to see graduation, I suggest you find a way to get there, because it is a very important moment for both of you. I can't explain why, that is something you have to experiance for yourself. My love proposed to me on the shore of Lake Michigan that weekend. We had the most wonderful weekend being in eachothers company again. The dynamics of your relationship with start to shift at this moment. There is an unspoken promise between you two, it is almost as though from that moment on, you know that no matter what, you will never let that person go. But this promise, this oath that each of you will sillently take, will only be valid as long as you both choose to feed your love over your insecurties. Because in the life of the military, there is so many "what ifs", so many times you will be apart, so many times you will wonder if your love is true or faithful. There will be many "see ya laters" many "welcome homes" but more then anything there will be times when you are very much alone. Here is reality, if you are from a state that has a Navy base where your boyfriend or husbands rate is. You might get lucky enough that he gets orders there. Or he could get stationed in Japan for 3 years. Or you can get married and you will be stationed on the other side of the country, away from everything and everyone you have ever known and the week after you move into your new home, he will go on an 8 month deployment on a ship where you get an email once a week if you are lucky. The outcomes are endless...But whatever happens, whatever the Navy throws your way, you must take it with Grace, dignity, strength and understanding. Because though the Navy may tell you where you have to live for a few years, when your loved one has to be at work and if he can go home for christmas, the ONE thing in your life that will be constant, is your love for eachother. While everything around you constantly changes, you MUST be eachothers rock, eachothers convenant. When the storm comes raging against your loved one, you must be his barrier. You will become eachothers shield from hurt, evil, temptation, and sadness. To survive this lifestyle, to survive marriage in general, you have to learn to look at things from more the one perspective. I will say personally, boot camp is the hardest part. For a few reasons. One is that you have NO idea what is going on and do not know what to expect. Secondly, is because whether you see the growth or not, you will be much stronger by the time deployment rolls around then you first were when your loved one went to bootcamp. One thing that has helped me through the passed two years, and I am sure will continue to help me through the rest of my husbands time in the Navy, is this website. It has been full of support, advice, and hugs when I needed it most. Do not ever be afraid to ask a question or come on here for support. That is what we are here for. There is two things that have also helped me through this time as a military girlfriend, fiancee and wife. My dad always told me "Expect the worst, hope for the best, close your eyes and jump." And my mom always told me "Everyday is a day of Grace. Sometimes He gives us the Grace to enjoy, and sometimes He gives us the Grace to endure." Both of these I have taken to heart and they are very useful peices of advice to anyone. But especially to us navy sweethearts.

I pray that each and every one of you make the choice that best suits you and your loved ones needs and wants for the future. And I pray that whatever the outcome of your future, that you are happy. Walking down the path of a military wife is a bumpy one but if you choose to embrace the good and the bad for what it is, pick yourself up and move on; If you choose love over all, you will get to experiance a really beautiful life that is full of love and support.

I wish you all the best.

Honor, Courage, Commitment.

This is what it takes to be a sailor.

And to love one.

 

Xoxo,

Rachelle

[jackiequeen/ship09div076]

Racelle, I am going to share this with my sons girlfriend...she is only 16 so who knows what the future will hold for them but I think she will get some strength from this...you wrote it beautifully! I think she is struggling with his leaving for bootcamp more than his father or me - he leaves in January.  We told her that she will go to every event we do, feel it is important to her to see the same things we do. They have been together "officially" for a little over a year. Thank you!

[flipflops91]

Thank you. I needed to see this. My fiance left for boot camp on October 26th and we have never been this far apart with no contact in our entire 3 year relationship. He and I have been through soo much and this is by far the hardest thing yet. I have been all over the place from being supportive and loving to worrying why he would want to leave me. This helps me understand things a little better.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Ladies I love to see how much my stories and advice touch your lives and help you make it through one more day! Your support is inspiring! Keep it comin!! <3

[Katiee]

That is exactly the advice that i needed! Thank you so much bella:)

[Roslyn]

Thank you so much! This is what I needed. My fiance left for bootcamp Nov. 16th and I'm struggling. I know that I need to be strong because I know this is what he wanted to do. I will support him through it all. I just needed the encouragement to stay strong.

[Justinsgirl]

Thank you so much =) I'm pretty new to the whole Navy life, I'm lucky in the fact that I just recently moved in with my boyfriend. Couldn't be happier I'm just learning the ropes to it, we've talked about Marriage and everything in between =)

[roses.lifee]

Thank you SO much! I am honestly terrified at what will come out of this navy girlfriend relationship. I know I love my sailor more than anything in this lifetime but distance is not my strong suite. It would help to have other navy girlfriends or experienced fiances/wives share their stories such as you did.