Getting the hang of doing things - the Navy way.

[BunkerQB]

Recently, a mom wrote expressing her frustration regarding members of her daughter's division who were uncooperative and as a result, the entire division had to suffer the consequences. That blog has been deleted. I would like to offer just a bit of advice to everyone with a loved one going through boot camp. ___________________________________________________________________________________________

We understand your frustration and it's OK to vent here (one purpose of social websites); however, your opinion is of no consequence to the Navy. The Navy has been running boot camps for eons. They know what works and what does not work. If your daughter exhibits the same degree of frustration as you are demonstrating at this time, she may find that the Navy is not her cup of tea. And that is OK. My son chose not to re-up (loves the Navy, just ready for civilian life) despite of the Navy's best efforts to retain him (bonus, choice of shore duty location, etc). As a parent, you should look upon this as your initiation into learning to do things the Navy way.  The division (as a whole) is being observed - they may be looking for leaders to emerge who can facilitate cooperation. It's a test for all of them. There will be the similar situations with more meaningful (or drastic depending upon your point of view) consequences. For example, there might a time in the future when a group of sailors who can not keep their mouths shut - and the scheduled homecoming for the ship is changed/cancelled at the last second for security reasons. More than likely the cause of the breach will be some parent, wife, girlfriend who failed to observe the OPSEC rules- who should monitor that? The Navy does not care if you have purchased airline tickets, made hotel reservations, taken time off from work. Or that your sailor is getting married, haven't seen his loved ones for months, missed the birth of his child, etc. The safety of the ship and the safety of the crew is their only concerned. Personally, as a tax payer, I have no problem with that whatsoever. That is what the officers in charge are expected to do. There will always be a few individuals who will stupidly & arrogantly ignore following the rules. At some point, others on the boat (fellow sailors, officers and right on down the line) will make their lives so miserable that they'll never act stupid again. Remember, some recruits are very, very young and are not used to being part of a big (BIG) organization yet. This IS boot camp - be patient.

Best of luck to all our sailor recruits. We thank you for wanting to serve our country.

We understand this is an emotional time for all. To all "seasoned"/"veteran" supporters - feel free to post other suggestions.

[cinder]

Remember that parent could be reading your post and by the time you get the letter everything will have changed.  

[Anti M]

Having been through boot camp, I know one thing... we ALL thought we were the worst division ever.  Every division gets told how terrible they are, yes, while being rewarded for what they do right as a group.  Actually, we were pretty awful at marching and drill, and personal inspections.  At the third or fourth week, most divisions don't have it together completely.   But we found our way pulled together, and made everyone proud.

Personal accomplishment is important, but so is teamwork.  Sailors learn to lead other sailors, how to work with other sailors, and how to cover butts to get the goal accomplished.  This is always an ongoing task, even when they get to the fleet.  Recruits and the sailors they become, are expected to resolve as many issues as possible on their own, using initiative and pulling their shipmates up to meet and excel Navy standards.

Sailors complain, sailors always complain.  The trick is to know when and where it will be most effective, and accomplish something.   Complaining is a double-edged sword which can turn back on the sailor, I'd advise caution in airing too much "dirty laundry" here or anywhere.  How can they stand as a unit when a parent is moaning about the other recruits?  It undermines morale.   And morale is a key component of OPSEC, important later in the fleet.   Venting frustrations is one thing, finger pointing at your sailor's shipmates, not so helpful.  

[Anna Aviation Mom]

Wow, for moms who are new to the Navy life it takes a lot of getting used too. I know all the divisions will pull it together and be like family... So stay positive New Navy Moms. 

[ebigirl]

As a mom it is very hard not to want to swoop in and "fix" every little problem that our kids write about. I had a very hard time during the 8 weeks that my son was in bc, but we both made it to the end. The Navy has 8 short weeks to train and drill every SR to work, march, and operate as a "team".

When my son's division went through battlestations, he was very sick with the crud almost all SR's end up with. He almost fell asleep during battlestations, and could have been sent home on the spot! His division brothers made sure that he stayed awake and performed his duties just as they had been trained. He didn't fall asleep again, did very well, and passed battlestations, as did ALL of his division brothers!!

I am very proud of not only my son, but all of his division brothers for making sure that they ALL passed and became Sailors. This experience will stay with my son forever. One other note, I was not there to swoop in and help...Imagine that!!! I also learned a very valuable lesson.

As judy r posted above, Teamwork is the most important part of bc. If our Sailors don't learn and understand this, disaster could strike at any time.

[modaPIR5/11Ship12Div147]

To you all...I want to clear something up. Yes I deleted it because someone very nice, advised me to do so. I did not write the comment to make anyone mad or get reprimanded. I wrote it out of pure concern, not only for my SR, but for others as well. If I have offended anyone, in anyway, I sincerely apologize. I never thought that expressing my concerns would cause such carnage. In one post I read that a moms SR said her SR's team wasn't working together and because of it, the whole division had to do IT, while the person that caused it just sat and watched, which confused me greatly. He apparently got so upset by having to watch his division be punished. I just have no clue what goes on and I was only looking for answers. The whole thing is much more than confusing to me! Yes, I know the Navy doesn't care about anything but the Navy! I know they don't care that I or anyone else is going through a rough time. I know they don't care what else is going on in my or anyone's life. But as a mother i was concerned and thought by asking what I thought was a simple question I would get answers that didn't try to rip me apart for expressing an opinion. I am not in the Navy, so you're right I am not Navy material. BC is not the only stressor some people have going on. Once again, I am genuinely sorry for stepping on anyones toes and ask for your forgiveness. I see that some things should be left unsaid. I will keep them to myself from now on. Thanks to the very nice lady that so lovingly helped me understand!

[BunkerQB]

WhitsMom,

There is NOTHING to apologize for. You need not ask for forgiveness. You are new and just learning to deal with thing the Navy way. I didn't notice any toes being stomped on. Again my first line - "We understand your frustration and it's OK to vent here." We truly understand how you are feeling. My son was an officer on a sub - he saw plenty of those situations. Believe me it was tough on everyone when one person (mostly, it's the same one guy) screws up all the time. And because this one guys screws up, another has to be assigned to baby sit and the sailor who draws the assignment doesn't get the sleep his needs or the "personal" time he earned. During my son's last deployment, being the most senior jo, he had to backup all the newer junior officers in addition to enlisted guys who were under his direction. There were days and days that he functioned on less than 3 hours of sleep. He had broken his ankle. There was no time to recover. The CO had runners getting stuff to his little cubicle set up next to the sub just for him so he could continue to work. They tried to hoist him down to the boat. The situation is actually worst during deployment. It's taken a lot longer for his ankle to heal than expected - he was on his feet way too early. I am not sure that it will be 100%. He was needed on his boat - that was that. Do you think I am happy about it?

You expressed frustration with the situation and ask why can't anything be done about it. What we know is that if something could be done, then it's being done. Sometimes, there is NOTHING that can be done until the situation passes (BC, deployment). We just have to deal with it. It is what it is.

Sailors who are competent get more work - often, the incompetent ones sloughs off - you would think the Navy can summarily toss these incompetents out out (or overboard) - WRONG - there are rules and regulations - the "i's" and "t's" all have to be dotted and crossed before it can be done. It's easier to make the competent ones do double duty. What your daughter is going thru in BC will train her well.

The guy who had to watch his division get punish will never, ever do anything that would cause him to go thru that again.

No one is trying to rip you apart. We are here trying to help; otherwise, why would we take the time and energy to post comments. You are here for information, presumably so you can understand the situation better. Often the information is not what we want to hear. That does not mean the messenger is mean or nasty - just the answers are simply not to your liking. Unfortunately, it happens often in the Navy.

[Anti M]

Perfectly put... and the problem with the internet is we can't see each other or hear tones of voice.  Very easy to take things harshly when they aren't meant that way.  I know my writing style is more abrupt than my chatty face to face style!  No need to apologize to me, and I didn't mean to come off like I was tearing you a new one!  No worries, yeah?

And yes, group IT is very common in boot camp.  If that's her only complaint, she is doing very, very well!  Teamwork doesn't happen by accident, it is forged by putting the recruits into tough situations.  Make 'em mad at their RDCs and they start preforming in an outstanding manner just to show that they can!

[ebigirl]

I'll 4th that!! I never saw the original post but I'm sure it wasn't written in anger, only frustration, which ALL of us moms feel at times. You know the motto of the Military....hurry up and wait. We Navy moms seem to do a lot of that!!

[sailorwifenmom]

There's no reason to feel bad about being frustrated or not understanding!

Having been through boot camp, and having heard my husband's stories about it as well as all those of our friends, and, more recently, having had to go through it from the "mom seat" as our son was in boot camp, I do understand how hard and sometimes frustrating it can be.

Something that might help though is this - keep in mind that while yes, our loved one is going through boot camp, so is every one else in their unit.  They are ALL needing to learn how to be Sailors, and how to work together as a team, and that your team is going to be made up of all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds and abilities.  They are also learning that, while yes, this is also true in the civilian world, it's even more true for the military one - but your actions affect way more than just yourself. 

As unfair as it might seem, there really is a reason for what they do, and the way they do it.  For example, when you get out into the fleet, what you (as a Sailor) do (or don't do), or what you only do half way, could literally end up costing the live of a shipmate.  It doesn't matter if you're tired, and that's why you forgot to do it, or if you think it's stupid (because the person over you may or may not have the time to explain to you WHY they need you to do something, they just told you to do it) - failure to do your job properly could mean that someone dies.

That's why, when someone doesn't do something right in boot camp, they all get punished, because, when they are out there on that ship, when someone doesn't do something right, they could all very well end up suffering for it in one way or another.  They do it to teach this lesson both to those who are screwing up (that your actions affect others, and it might not be YOU that gets hurt, but your BUDDY, and you will have to live with that forever), and also to teach those who didn't that we have to watch out for our buddies, and when we see that they missed something, to point it out to them or help them with it, because we're only as strong as our weakest link.

Now, this is hard - it's hard to go through, it's hard to watch our loved ones go through it.  But, as painful as it is, it really is a good thing that they have this happen and they learn this lesson this way, because to learn it out in the fleet, where there's more at stake than push ups and phone privileges, could be much harder...

I hope this helps make it a bit easier to understand, and make it a bit easier to go through - and keep in mind, it DOES get better after boot camp :-)

[MattsMom (Division 212)]

I am a Mom from 12/147 and seen the original post, and I can tell you I didn't read any anger or ill intent in it, I knew you were just venting, the way we all do! No worries here either! See ya in 25 days!!