Looking back at how we got here.................

[GennyMac]

My step-son has been training for over 4 years to make his dream come true.  He was 90lbs soaking wet, couldn't hardly lift anything heavier than a skateboard back then, and was afraid of everything.  Like many families, his mom and dad divorced a long time ago, and he stayed with his mom.  She has never been supportive of anything he ever wanted to do, and discouraged anything except staying at home with her.  I met him when he was barely 8 years old............in my family kids go to work at 14, never ever get grades below a B, participate in sports of some sort, participate in the community regularly with organizations like Habitat for Humanity, Bread for Life, and give blood on a regular basis.  No traffic tickets for our kids, they have to work and pay for their own cars and insurance. This kid couldn't decide if he wanted breakfast or to go back to sleep every weekend. This was not what I was accustomed to seeing in an 8 year old.  Ours were up and out at soccer or band practice, having sleepovers or going to sleepovers, writing plays, songs, wanting to go see and do all kinds of fun neat things.  This little fella hadn't even been roller skating, walked in the rain, played in mud puddles, or gone to the carnival, couldn't even ride a skateboard. 

Needles to say, his Dad's life changed drastically when he and I met, and by changed, I mean flipped on its ear and rolled over several times.  By association, so did his - I've pushed, pulled, flown, drove, walked, run, crawled, and hid to ensure that every single thing our boy was interested in he got a taste of in order for him to find his 'joy'.  Skateboard lessons, tennis lessons, swimming lessons, football, soccer, live theater, New York, San Francisco, LA, Richmond, Washington DC, mud puddles, long walk in the rain without umbrellas, painting, rock climbing, roller skating, ice skating, skiing, sailing, fishing, camping, firing ranges, zip lines, hiking, running, anything and everything I could introduce to him. 

We never saw this coming, but 4 years ago, he announced this was what he wanted more than anything else in the world. He was met with huge obstacles at home, to the point of refusal to even acknowledge his dream. He knew where his support would come from, knew he would not get it from his mom, and made the decision to stay anyway so he could graduate with his high school class.  That became a goal we would all have to fight to achieve.

I will never forget that conversation.  His eyes sparkling with a fire I had not seen before, the draft plan he and I worked out, his exercise plan, nutrition and dietary plans, and his excitement over being a part of something bigger than just him.  We have ensured he had every single bit of support we could throw his way, a local gym membership, finding local mentors to help guide him, even attending SEAL Reunions every single year, all the way to taking him to Coronado to see where he was ultimately headed. He took advantage of every bit of it, even to the point of walking to the gym before 4 am to train before walking home to get ready for school (5 miles), running every other night, even when he caught all kinds of flack over it at home.  Even being grounded when he had to fess up about the gym membership and who was paying for it, being forbidden to ever go back.

Sadly, his biological mother's inability to be an actively supportive parent turned into something entirely unhealthy and he asked us to come and get him so he could focus on graduation, training, and getting through the process of becoming a recruit. So many times we had discussed this as an option, all of us realizing the sacrifice for each of us if we chose that route. We closed our house in central NC, I moved to where he is attending high school in coastal NC as his dad headed to GA to take a better job in order for us to survive on 1 income until we could join him.  I rented a temporary home to provide our boy with a loving, supportive, clean, and healthy environment in which to study, train, and prepare for his future.  We spend every single day hitting the pool and gym on base so he can continue his training, he has blossomed in so many ways and even has a girlfriend - has had his first date, first kiss, first 'guys' outing, and for the first time gets to spend time with his friends without stress or worrying about what will happen when he gets home - so many more firsts he had to miss for so long as he was being held back in every way possible.

Our first task after swinging by and grabbing him the day we moved, was to get in touch with his recruiter and get the wheels turning - he needed to take the ASVAB, PST, MEPS, CSORT, and more.  He hadn't been allowed to do anything other than talk to his recruiter before that - we had asked he make sure one of us was with him, and his mother refused to even allow the recruiter to stop by her home.  We were in a whirlwind of activity those first 2 weeks - getting acquainted with the area, me figuring out what I could take care of on my own on base and what I needed his Dad's creds to get done (I am such a newbie).  Finding the gyms, pools, talking to people here to find a mentor for him, getting school stuff straight, getting him set up for the ASVAB, helping him study for it, working out a training plan, setting house rules for he and I to live by, division of duties at home, and setting expectations for what he must accomplish (grades, chores, demeanor, attitude).  Setting up a job chart for us, travel schedule for Dad to be here every single weekend, trying to make plans for him to be a part of as much of this as possible with his son.

And helping our boy to navigate the hurt and disappointment while coming to the realization that his mom will never be able to give this to him herself.  Making sure he always hears how much she loves him and that he can have a relationship with her, he'll just need to decide what that relationship will look like.

I helped raise 5 nieces and nephews, raised 2 of my own, and it has been like cramming 10 years worth of parenting into 5 months, without having the kid run away from home !  It has been a joy, a pain, and a thrill - I've taken more long walks, read more books, and talked to more parents about raising boys than I ever did before.  But it really is a thrill  - especially when the Chief called to discuss our boy's future plans with the Navy.  I was shocked - why call me - I expected his Dad to take care of that end.  Evidently my info was provided as the 'parent contact' .............

We've gotten through all the steps everyone here now knows about - PST, MEPS, CSORT for some, and we now go to PST regularly, check in weekly with the recruiter, are studying the STARTER booklet, pop quizzes at breakfast, on the way to school, on the way home, and even right before bed.  Walking through the house, yelling ATTENTION and then CREED and having him pop it off like its second nature to him already.  I am so very proud of my given boy - he may not have been mine to bear, but I'm blessed to be a part of this journey right beside him all the way to Oct 1, then he's on his own. My prayer for him is an exciting future, the feeling of pride in what he accomplishes, and the realization that he has no idea what his best is yet and that it will change every single day in ways he cannot yet comprehend.  He is a fine young man and will grow into a fine man,  just like his father did.  I am so blessed to be a part of that growth.

Having this place to join other Mom's who are making this journey too is also a blessing for me.  My family has never had the experience we are having - we raised scientists, doctors, and lawyers.  They are very supportive - 25 of our closest are coming to my given boy's high school graduation, (lord please let me find enough tickets) but they do not know what this journey is and cannot understand the experience.

My sincerest thanks for having this place and these other mothers to share this journey as I do my very best to make sure my given boy has the best possible path to follow to his success.

[RayaProudNavyMom]

He is really lucky to have you in his life. This is a true blessing for him.. Good Job from One step mom to another. God Bless you all.

[GennyMac]

Thank you so much - we never know until they are out and on their own if we did it right............and since I only had a few years with him, I am more anxious  for him than the others.  He is a fine young man and I have all the faith in the world he will succeed and get that Tident.

[GennyMac]

Judy - thank you for the lovely comments.  I may just do that - he has come such a long way since I first met him.  I wish we'd taken more pictures - the ones of him and me splashing in mud puddles were lost when we had a minor flood in our home (my mom left the water running in an upstairs faucet overnight).  He was so tiny and thin and scared of everything.  The first time he cut his hand (Christmas, peeling chestnuts) he went white as a sheet, began shaking, and asked me in a whisper "what will happen to me".  I put both arms around him and told him he'd grow up to be a big strong man with a little tiny scratch mark on his palm.  We had to give him orange juice to keep him from shocking on us he was so freaked out at seeing his own blood.  He was 9 and hadn't even had skinned up knees.  I think the journal might be a good idea - I'll have loads of time on my hands once he's off to RTC

[Hello2u]

wow, this is so beautiful! :)

[Lauriebelle]

I too am a mother with both children of my heart and children of my body, all of them being mine and loved. You are his mom, his guiding spirit, his friend and he is one lucky guy to have you. Write the journal not only for him but for you, you need to be able to look back and see how far you have come in his journey as well. Take pictures now, don't worry about how many or of what they will all be special. All the sacrifices you and your husband have done are appreciated by your son's future wife and children for he will be a man of substance. Best wishes for your entire family.