This site is for mothers of kids in the U.S. Navy and for Moms who have questions about Navy life for their kids.

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Choose your Username.  For the privacy and safety of you and/or your sailor, NO LAST NAMES ARE ALLOWED, even if your last name differs from that of your sailor (please make sure your URL address does not include your last name either).  Also, please do not include your email address in your user name. Go to "Settings" above to set your Username.  While there, complete your Profile so you can post and share photos and videos of your Sailor and share stories with other moms!

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Link to Navy Speak - Navy Terms & Acronyms: Navy Speak

All Hands Magazine's full length documentary "Making a Sailor": This video follows four recruits through Boot Camp in the spring of 2018 who were assigned to DIV 229, an integrated division, which had PIR on 05/25/2018. 

Boot Camp: Making a Sailor (Full Length Documentary - 2018)

Boot Camp: Behind the Scenes at RTC

...and visit Navy.com - America's Navy and Navy.mil also Navy Live - The Official Blog of the Navy to learn more.

OPSEC - Navy Operations Security

Always keep Navy Operations Security in mind.  In the Navy, it's essential to remember that "loose lips sink ships."  OPSEC is everyone's responsibility. 

DON'T post critical information including future destinations or ports of call; future operations, exercises or missions; deployment or homecoming dates.  

DO be smart, use your head, always think OPSEC when using texts, email, phone, and social media, and watch this video: "Importance of Navy OPSEC."

Follow this link for OPSEC Guidelines:

OPSEC GUIDELINES

Events

**UPDATE 4/26/2022** Effective with the May 6, 2022 PIR 4 guests will be allowed.  Still must be fully vaccinated to attend.

**UPDATE as of 11/10/2022 PIR vaccination is no longer required.

**UPDATE 7/29/2021** You now must be fully vaccinated in order to attend PIR:

In light of observed changes and impact of the Coronavirus Delta Variant and out of an abundance of caution for our recruits, Sailors, staff, and guests, Recruit Training Command is restricting Pass-in-Review (recruit graduation) to ONLY fully immunized guests (14-days post final COVID vaccination dose).  

FOLLOW THIS LINK FOR UP TO DATE INFO:

RTC Graduation

**UPDATE 8/25/2022 - MASK MANDATE IS LIFTED.  Vaccinations still required.

**UPDATE 11/10/22 PIR - Vaccinations no longer required.

RESUMING LIVE PIR - 8/13/2021

Please note! Changes to this guide happened in October 2017. Tickets are now issued for all guests, and all guests must have a ticket to enter base. A separate parking pass is no longer needed to drive on to base for parking.

Please see changes to attending PIR in the PAGES column. The PAGES are located under the member icons on the right side.

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Navy Speak

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Navy.com Para Familias

Visite esta página para explorar en su idioma las oportunidades de educación y carreras para sus hijos en el Navy. Navy.com

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I signed up on this website because my daughter is married to a sailor.  They were married when he graduated from boot camp and she is pregnant with his child.  He is attending A school and she was all set to join him.  After many delays, he just told her that he did not want her to join him, that he was too young to be a husband and father and they were done.  Naturally, she is heartbroken.  I don't know what to do for her and I don't know what her rights are.  He is getting extra pay because he is married, but he will not send her any money.  She had to resign from her job due to the pregnancy so is not working.  Is there any legal advocate that she can access through the Navy?  Would they encourage him to provide some support for his wife?   We have a National Guard office here and she is going to see them for some advice, if any, but does anyone know if there is another recourse?  Should she call his base?  We are looking for any kind advice.  Thanks so much.

Views: 515

Comment by MIL2JRP4 on November 21, 2011 at 12:43pm

Craig and Anti M:  Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to help.  She is due Feb 9.  This is a most bewildering situation for her.  They are both very young and have gone through a lot in their young lives.  He really has her to thank for bringing him to the Navy.  For the last year, I have supported them both and helped him financially to get his life in order.  His background is very different from hers but, like many women, she thought she could make him into her perfect man.  This was their dream, I thought, but he has (for the first time in his life) got some money in his pocket and is surrounded by young men, mostly single I suppose, and has decided he does not want the responsibility.  

Comment by MIL2JRP4 on November 21, 2011 at 2:21pm

Denise: Thanks your response.  You are right - can't blame the others - everyone is responsible for their own behaviour.  And I guess we believe in "prince charming" - to our detriment! She is 18, he is 19.  Too young but neither of them willing to listen while they were "living their own lives".  He has parents but....

Comment by abbyblue on November 21, 2011 at 2:55pm

someone should have got them both a box of covers......NOW look there is child going to be born without a dad and a very young mother..... sad

Comment by MIL2JRP4 on November 21, 2011 at 4:39pm

Anti M, she is giving it a period of time to see if he reconsiders but in case he does not and if it is not inconvenient, I would appreciate some direction as to whom/how to contact his command.  Thank you!

Comment by TexasMomof2 on November 21, 2011 at 6:41pm

I'm sorry to hear of this.......you have a lot of great advice on here!  This website is awesome!

Comment by Craig on November 21, 2011 at 9:47pm

Denise - You are right that he is getting money on her behalf now, however, he will have to pay that money back once she notifies base legal. It's not like he's going to get away with it.  

 

Maybe I'm out of line on this, but it seems like most of statements here is about getting money.  Geez, what happened to the idea of working out this problem?  Too many people now-a-days just want to file for divorce.  Give both of these kids the respect and guidance they need to solve this problem.  Cut out the bs about money just for a couple months.  Don't let money, or the thought of money, drive this marriage.  

 

If the marriage is non repairable, then so be it.  Be if there is even the slighted glimmer of hope, then work towards that.  Too many people now-a-days only look at the here and now.  They don't look towards the future.  Money and items are replaceable.  Yes, the gal will need to suck it up for a couple months, but she will survive.  Hopefully this soon to be father will come around.  Sometimes it requires a break up to see the problem.  

 

I guess the piece I'm missing from you ladies is, why is money so important to you?  Why can't you look beyond that?   It's not like this sailor is at some strip club getting a lap dance every night. If this guy wasn't in the Navy then what would this gal do?  Geez, give both of these kids a break.  Teaching them by guiding them is the answer.  Money plays no part into it at the moment.  Two months from now, it will.

 

Example:

According to the story, a middle school was faced with an unique problem. 

A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. 

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirrors.

Comment by Crystal1951 on November 21, 2011 at 11:50pm

I agree with everyone but suggest resorting to his command as the last option. I understand he is being a complete jerk but it can set his Navy career back when his command gets involved. If they end up working it out it would be bad for them if he can't get promotions because his command knows of his personal life.

I've seen this first hand with my own parents and my Dad didn't make Chief for 6 years based on the politics you now see in the Navy.  Even those my mother was a liar and none of what she told the command was true how were they suppose to know that. All they looked at was the fact she called my dad's command constantly with issues. 

I wish the best for your daughter and how they can work it out for the baby. After bootcamp the men are completely different and want to be on their own. My husband, then boyfriend after bootcamp, was the same way and now we are so happily married it makes people sick. Blessings and best wishes to you and your daughter.  

Comment by MIL2JRP4 on November 22, 2011 at 9:42am

Thank you all for the encouragement.  Craig, you must be one of the nicest guys in the world.  Unfortunately, sometimes it seems that nice guys are the minority.  Funny that you mention lap dances because the first indication of trouble was that she found he was "speed dating" on several websites and setting up meetings, etc.  He told her yesterday that the Navy had taught him he needed to make himself happy so is done with her.  Why Facebook is the "be all and end all" to so many people, I don't know, but he is telling all of his family/friends that he is getting rid of her...  She is now realizing that the responsibility for this child is 100% hers while, in her eyes, he will live a carefree life.  In my opinion, there is no hope.  I can't believe that someone could do such a 180, but he has and is not the person I thought he was.

Comment by Craig on November 22, 2011 at 11:59am

With that said, now is the time that she puts the hammer down.  Up until this, I say everyone deserves a chance.  But he just put the nail in the coffin with that statement.  I was the last stand out for this guy, and I truly think people use divorce as the easy way out.  

 

Now let me provide you some more information, so you can logically figure out what your next step is.

1. He is only required to "provide adequate support" to his family.  While regulations may require that he pay you the difference between BAH w/o dependents and BAH w/ dependents, his command cannot legally force him to pay such support against his will. There are laws that specifically prohibit this.  So, in other words, his CO cannot order him to start an allotment, nor could his CO even order him to pay. The CO could punish (NJP), reduction in rank, reprimand, withdrawal recommendation for advancement, even discharge him, if he continually refused to provide "adequate support", but cannot involuntarily take money away from him and give it to her. Without a court order, he isn't obligated to pay one penny.  The command can highly suggest that he helps her out but legally he doesn't have too.  


A lot of spouses want to contact a member's command, usually after being told to do so from places like N4M's.  I strongly advise you to NOT do so. Most CO's would rather not get involved in family matters. And worst case scenario, the member does get in trouble and gets discharged and she is now left with no benefits whatsoever. Exhaust all other means first!


 2.  If they are not divorced then she is still covered until Tricare medical, including the pregnancy.  If she moves to another location then she need to change PCM (Primary Care Managers). It will cover the whole pregnancy, the birth of the child and afterwards with both her and the child. When she gets a divorced there will be no coverage for her but for the child will be till 21 (or 23 if still in school). However, the father MUST be on the birth certificate.  She will also keep all other benefits of a spouse until the divorce is final

 

3. He CAN, legally, stop paying for her dental insurance. but remember, he CANNOT disenroll her from Tricare and she will keep her ID and all base access until the divorce is final.


4.  All he is required to give you is the difference between BAH w/o dependents and BAH w/dependents no more than that (ie this is "provide adequate support") which is food, clothing, housing. She can go to court and get court ordered support and then submit the paperwork to his command for payments to her. When the child is born you can go back and get child support ordered.  You best ask for a paternity test because he will say that she was screwing around on him and that is not his child.  I've seen it 1000's times.

 

5.  Actual alimony would be set by the courts, and each state has different laws.  However, not to many states will grant alimony

 

6.  As I said before "Kill him with kindness".  The only thing she can do is be nice to the husband and maybe he would pay you something.  I've had to counselled many sailors on this subject.   According to the military lawyers the Sailor doesn't have to pay the future ex-spouse without a court order in your hand.

 

7.  Remember, there are always two sides to every story.  So now that he has gave h

Comment by Craig on November 22, 2011 at 11:59am

Guess my post was too long, here is the rest...

 

7.  Remember, there are always two sides to every story.  So now that he has gave her those words, my suggestion is to get a lawyer quickly.  So let me make this perfectly clear NO SUPPORT unless he gives it willingly or if it is court ordered, the command can only stress to him how important it is to support.   It always seems like the 1st person that files usually makes out, so she needs to get this thing going.

 

8.  Let me again stress, you don't want this guy to just say "Screw it, I want out of the Navy".  Then she will get nothing.  It is so easy to get out now, and a lot of sailor just would rather get out than to pay the spouse any money.  Personally, I have had many sailors just get tired of the military.  What most of these sailor did was the "Food for Freedom" program.  Which is a the term us sailors use to mean "start eating food to get fat".  Get a weight control discharge.  Society can accept a person getting discharged for being overweight, they cannot accept someone that tries to get discharged for drug use (for an example).  So she need to be very careful that he just doesn't give up.  Yea, she'll get probably 6 months of payment, then it's all gone, forever.

 

Now it is her time up to bat.  She needs to find a good divorce lawyer.  Have him order a paternity test immediately.  DNA is a wonderful thing when needed.  This piece of the puzzle can already be in the works.

 

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