Time...and God's will...

[Jolene2Sailors]

On July 31, I knew that September 28 was a lifetime away. That first week with Justin gone to Great Lakes was a nightmare of no information from him, strange medical emergencies here at home, and the most unimaginable fear of unknown boot camp dread. I hope someday to be a support for those enduring that, because...wow.

I had senseless, unfounded (I hope) worries about what was being done to him and what his reaction would be. In a way, I believe I may have felt worse pain than he did...but...that's okay. I would take that for him. I mean...I hope I did.

The call from him telling us he was in RCU set me back some more -- as if this is all about me, I know. My prayer life has reached new levels. Now more than ever, I see how God is in charge: how He protects, how He loves, how He heals, how He guides, how He accomplishes His will. Will these feelings last forever? I'm decidedly human, so I doubt it...but I WILL relish the feelings of His love and protection as long as it lasts.

His will is perfect. God is deciding which moms I will meet at PIR. God is deciding who will be behind the rental car ticket counter. God is deciding who will sit next to us on the plane. God is deciding not only what is best for Justin, but what is best for the guy at the convenience store, the guy at the hotel, and the guy at the front gate of the Navy RTC. Wow...He has a pretty big job...with a lot of consequences...I'm glad He didn't see fit to let me run it like I thought I needed to on July 31...or August 1...or August 30...or...hmmm...now.

Justin MAY graduate in a week or so...or he might not. The phone calls and letters from RCU are definitely helping me deal with his being gone. He sounds happy and like he is dealing with everything very well.

Surprisingly, I was so worried about the gas chamber test that when we received a letter from him telling us he had passed it and that it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be (although he never wants to do it again), I felt the weight of I don't know how many worlds lift off my shoulders. Logically, I knew that many recruits had passed that test (and all had survived), but it was really hard knowing that my child would face something akin to torture. But he did...and it wasn't that bad. *WHEW*

Now, we're waiting for the FFD paperwork to go through and the final evaluations to be completed so he can graduate and "get on with his life." I cannot wait to see his beautiful blue eyes; I cannot wait to hug my firstborn child. :) 

I've had panic nightmares...dreams that make me wake up panting and confused. He is helping me save the family from tornadoes, he is needing me to help him and I cannot...those kinds of dreams. But, in the daylight, I get letters. Letters that tell me he is seeing hope in his future. He is making plans. He is questioning our decision to spend a lot of money to be there -- even for a private capping ceremony we probably cannot attend. He is thanking me for letters. He is asking me to ask questions. He is becoming a man.

Oh dear...here come the tears.

[brunner2]

What wonderful words by Jolene which feed my spirit man. And wonderful words of encouragement and strenght from Judy. Thanks to both of you. I too sent my firstborn and I too want to stay in control. But there is ONE in complete control, Our God Almighty and HE alone instructs their leaders to lead them safely and bodly not only as our becoming adult children, but the sailors who protect us and so many others. I love this website, even before I joined I read comments. Thanks ladies for easing me at times.