prior service needing advice to comfort mom

[vhampd7]

Hey I'm currently in the Army NG and I plan on transitioning to the Navy asap.  I finally broke the news to my mom once again that I'm considering "reenlisting" but this time into an active component.  Every time I have mentioned the military its almost like stabbing her in the heart.  What are some ways I can comfort her so that she will be as excited as I am about this?

[BunkerQB]

It is just hard sometimes for any mom to imagine her boy going to war, doing dangerous things, getting in harm's way. Ask her to join this group and meet some of the other moms who have felt the way she is feeling right now. When she can bond with other who understand instantaneously how she feels, she'll adjust better. At least she'll know she is not alone. Sit down with her. First find a few groups where you think she may find others in the same situation. For starters: Safe Harbor, New Moms Stop Here are good groups to join. Then after you have signed up: Bootcamp group or the Depper group.

I want to thank you for your service to our country. We don't say it enough but you play an important role in preserving our way of life.

Regards, BQB

[Pat]

What BQB says below is right on the money...I could not have said it better.
Something else to consider would be to find mom's that have sailors doing what you are planning to do in the Navy...What rate are you going for / are you interested in? You may want to do a little research on what the Navy offers, what service in that rate is like, and you may find that this knowledge may be your and your mom's best friend.

[vhampd7]

Sorry about the late reply, thanks for the response :)

@BunkerQueenBee Thanks for the advice, I've spent some time searching out groups that she will possibly fall into or that career path that I want to take.

@Pat I am interested in doing Mass Communications or Air Rescue, She will love for me to do Mass Communications since I will be going to Fort Meade MD and basically studying graphics,photography etc. For the army my AIT was at Fort Meade and I did multimedia illustration so its the only "comfort" that I can give her right now. She doesnt like the Air Rescue idea at all. According to the recruiter the only jobs that might be available to get as prior service will be something in the special warefare/special operations career field ...

[Kimberly]

Speaking from just a little experience. Are you the only child, is your mom alone, is she older? These were all things I thought about when my son joined the Navy. That empty nest thing will feel like a knife going thru the heart. That is not for you to fix but it may help you understand some of the feelings your mom may have. It is important for her to join some of the support groups that were previously recommended. Typically they are the most understanding supportive positive people I have had the fortune to blog with.(you will find an occasional blog with hormonal responses) but not for the most part. Blessings upon you and your mom for raising a great patriot who is willing to serve his country

[vhampd7]

I am actually not the only child I have a little brother (9) and a sister (12) and she is "younger" i guess (45) If i can get her to join the site then I will show her some of the groups I have picked out.

[fly 2]

The Navy is pretty overmanned right now. Just think twice before taking just anything.

[Helen, T-man's mom]

It's just hard on moms, plain and simple. I cried for two months before my son left. He's now in school for at least a year and a half because of his rate. He LOVES the Navy. I've seen such a change in him. He hasn't even been in a year and there's such a difference in him. He's 21 and has become the man I always knew he could be. He's very proud of what he is doing, which in turn, makes me a very proud mom. I have two other children and he's the oldest.

Yes, she'll miss you and not want you to go. If this is something you really want to do then go for it. She will adjust and it really isn't your job to make sure she's happy. The groups her are fantastic. They helped me out alot. Get her to read "The Top 10 Lines From Bootcamp". She'll be laughing so hard she'll be crying.

Good luck and thank you for your service.

[vhampd7]

In my own little world I just imagine myself saying "hey! Ive already left for 3 months then 8, a year later left for 12, grow up and let go" but I know its hard for her and she will never let go. I guess whats different from then and now is that I always came back home, this time i wont be coming home until my time is up and if i decide to move back then (which I doubt) I think your house hold is a lot like mine I'm 21 and have 2 younger (I'm the oldest)

I read "The Top 10 Lines From Bootcamp" and I enjoyed it. I decided to take my favorite ones and leave them around the house for her to find. One day when she really seems to be missing me I will send her the quote via letter, text, email. I think it would be something nice to do, it would help me when I'm gone.

[Kimberly]

I know it is so hard for moms. My baby boy(he is 21) he certainly would not like to be called a baby but.. I miss him a lot he is growing into a person he is proud of and someone I am so proud of just like Tannersmom said. Your mom will find a treasure in these sites. I am a member of my sons PIR website and the support those women offer is priceless. I can empathize with your mom but I hope you remember to follow your dreams and it is not the responsibility of the children to "fix" parents. Show her the way and she will do what is prudent for her after all she raised you didn't she??

[AngieFromWA:BUDS Mom/ HM alumnus]

vhampd7, these ladies have given you good advise and feedback about the emotional part of enlisting for your family, as well as guidance about the N4Ms site. With proper information, and enough time, your Mom will probably come around and learn to support you well. For one thing, she'll need to learn "Navy Speak", a whole new language! LOL She'll find great camaraderie and support for her here too. I see this happen all the time in our DEPper Groups where I am a Mom mentor and Co Admin. Knowledge dispels fear. Your Mom is probably just scared of you enlisting during a time of war. (Reserves somehow seems more "safe", even though in reality you could get called up anytime, to anywhere) Understandable, Sailors get sent to "the sandbox" too, they don't just stay on ships and even then, a ship and it's escorts are always potential targets! Where you go, and the possible danger you may be in, will obviously depend on what Rating you choose. It's higher risk if you choose a Spec Ops Rating, including Air Rescue, but they are exciting and amazing paths to choose! :-)

As the Mom of a NAVET (Navy Veteran), who went from Reserves to Active Duty, I want to commend you for also wanting to step up into a "both feet on the same side of the fence" role now. If you have a heart to fully serve your country, then I applaud you for taking steps to make that happen. It isn't an easy, (but then neither is juggling being military part time and civie part time) the transition could take some time, so be patient with the process!

As fly2 said, the Navy is overmanned. They can afford to be choosy. My son took a Spec Ops contract (it was something he really wanted though) under a relatively new program for NAVETS and OSVETS (Other Service Vets, like yourself). As far as I can tell, all these Recruits gave up a lot, such as former Rank and Paygrade, to come and serve in this capacity, (they all had to agree to be E-3 or lower. My son was an E-4, PO3) all because they wanted to serve the Active Navy and follow a dream they had, just like you. :) My son is training with a former Marine Gunnery Sergeant who is being treated just like any other fresh from Navy Boot Camp new Sailor. Their maturity and experiance though is a benefit to their teammates. I'm sure your positive attitude and patriotism will be a blessing and inspiration to your new Shipmates. :)

You should know that the training for those Spec Ops Ratings is very intense! They have high drop out and medical/performance drop stats. You have to really want that life and be willing to do whatever it takes, physically-and have the mental strength too- to make it through. Here's where I also must warn you...those who have come through as first time service guys, if they DOR (Drop on Request) sometimes get to choose another Spec Ops rating, although many right now are just being sent to the Fleet as an "Undesignated" Airman or Seaman. They have to go "Undes" for a time, then strike later for a Rating that interests them and that they are qualified for. It can take a while for that to happen and it would be about 2 years before they could try for the Spec Ops Rating again.

HOWEVER, it seems that the NAVETS and OSVETS (as you would probably be considered) are NOT being given that option. My son has a good friend who DOR'd recently and is fighting now just to stay in the Navy. He had just moved his family to where he was training! They told him they don't want some prior service guy serving the rest of his time as "Undes" on a ship. Guess they figure by the time they finish training him in another Rating, his time would be almost up and/or he'd be "too old". I know guys make 20 year careers out of this, so I don't pretend to understand the line of thinking here, just telling you what we have been told and observed.

Your Recruiter may or may not tell you all this. His job is to get you to sign on the dotted line, then raise your right hand, then he moves on to the next Recruit. This is your career, your life, your choice. Do your research, bide your time, get good advise and choose your job wisely. It may be that the Mass Comm Rating is the better option for you, if you can get it. The new fiscal year started Oct 01, so there could be more slots available right now. Still, be prepared to wait if you want to hold out for the "right" job. In the end, you have to do what is right for you. Your Mom will worry regardless, because that's what Moms do. :) All a loving Mom really wants is to see her child happy and thriving, in whatever life path they have chosen. All the best to you. God Bless and thanks for your service! :-)

[vhampd7]

@Kimberly
Your exactly right on so many levels, as that son I want to make sure she is ok when I leave and that she will not be depressed when I leave

@AngieFromWA
Honestly I dont even understand this "Navy Talk" lol for the longest I didnt even know what a "Rating" was. My mom says its my uncles jeans for me to say I want to go over seas and be on the ground. Knowing we all do important work overseas and everything is vital. Unless I was on the ground I dont think I could hold my head up the same way? I want to be doing the stressful job in the dirt and mud. play with the guys (no homo.)

With my talk with the recruiter I was told since I was prior service I would only be able to sign up for either a Special Operations job or talk to an officer recruiter and go for the BDCP and hopefully in a year mass communications will be open by then. Or try and get masscomm now if there are slots open. He told me the navy prior service was nothing like basic training for the army in fact neither are the new recruits training? (when he told me about 80% was indoors my jaw dropped and I was filled with envy lol) I'm an e4 now and will be demoted to an e3 unless I can pull something during meps processing since i will hopefully be going into a career I already have experience in, and im working on my BA for it.

For the special ops I am ready for it, I bike a lot and run too. I definitely dont want to be the weakest person in my field. If you know what he possibly has gone through or stories of training for BUDS could you share that with me in a private message?

[AngieFromWA:BUDS Mom/ HM alumnus]

vhampd7 sent you a friend request so we can discuss Spec Ops training details. :) As far as the Boot Camp side of things, maybe this link to some videos we have on our main DEP (delayed entry program) Group will help, and make your jaw drop more! :
http://www.navyformoms.com/group/deppersinbutnotyet/forum/topics/bo...

Actually, I think a few of our featured discussions there in that Group would be of benefit to you. As far as basic training...indoors is a necessity. Chicago winters can be brutally cold, (and snowy), summers blazing hot! :P The newer barracks and facilities are truly state of the art and as close to actually being on a ship as Future Sailors can get. (Of course, some will never serve on ships) RTC Great Lakes is the only place Navy Enlisted Recruits are trained; prior service, new/Spec Ops candidates etc.

Officers are trained at OCS or the Academy and after reading your Profile (esp your "what I learned") I am thinking that you may want to explore that option some more and talk to an Officer Recruiter too. Looks/sounds like you have a heart to inspire and lead others. (That may just be in your genes as well!) I'm sure that will happen regardless of which path you choose! (So can finishing that degree, on the Navy's dime.)

Btw: My son was told he could reclaim his E-4 paygrade, and PO3 status, once he finishes his BUDS and SEAL (SQT) training. That will be awhile! If they drop him for any reason, he may get a chance to also reclaim his former Rating. MEPS "pulled one" on him at the last minute, informing him-on the day he went to ship out-that his current Rating would be dropped/sacrificed as well, in order to sign his new contract! Of course, he doesn't really care about all that now, his mind is set, and his eye is only on finishing his training, accomplishing his goal and reaching his dream! =]

Also, I would be sure you are including plenty of push-ups, sit-ups and chin-ups/pull-ups in your routine. Cardio endurance is important, as are strong swimming skills! However, successfully completing any Spec Ops path often comes down more to mental fortitude than physical aptitude. Bodies can be trained, whipped into amazing shape, but mental toughness can only be honed to a point, inspiring courage and excellent character come from within. :-) I can tell you are willing to work hard to shore up any weaknesses you have, draw from your array of strengths and be a great teammate. :) I look forward to chatting with you more, and maybe your Mom too. =)