HELP! I leave for BC in less than two weeks- but I'm reconsidering my decision...

[navygal88]

Okay, I'm aware this seems crazy and may not be very smart... But here's my situation.

 

I joined the Navy in May of 2010. A few reasons I joined were: to travel, to serve my country, to have structure/discipline/focus in my life, and because I always dreamed of being in the service. Also, I had a relationship go very wrong and I had become a very independent person, happy and comfortable in my 'single' life- didn't have to worry about being tied down or having a relationship to be responsible of; no one to worry about / no one to worry about me, I could just do my own thing. I've always been an independent person, but after my last break up, I found that I've become excited to start thinking about myself...

Anyway, in June, I met a man. And I'm using the word 'man' purposely, not just a boy or a guy, but a mature, strong, loving man. I know it all sounds cliche and romantic, but I knew after a couple weeks that he is 'the one'. And I'm happy to know he feels the same about me. We are confident we both want to have a future together. We are not very confident of HOW that is going to happen though, or just how 'easy' it's going to be. (Yes, I know, all relationships are work, and definitely not 'easy.)

He recently joined the Navy Reserves. He always wanted to go active, but feels he will benefit more from the Reserves at this point in his life (so he could study and still pursue a career, while enjoying the benefits as a Reservist). He also did this with me in mind, our relationship. Knowing that I am an active duty sailor, he was confident that with the extra income he will make as a reservist, he'd be able to move around from place to place with me (I obviously do not know where, when, or for how long any of these relocations will be). But he figured it would make the moving a lot easier on him.

We've been talking, and he brought up the idea that it may be smart for me to go Reserves instead. I understand why he'd bring this up. We'd be able to physically be together, live together, see each other as much as we wanted, etc... We wouldn't have to deal with distance or deployments or orders of relocation. My every move would not be dictated by the Navy, and I would have more freedom, thus WE would have more freedom. We've been living apart since I met him- on opposite sides of the country. The whole long distance thing has proven to be stressful and harder than we anticipated. We find ourselves sick to our stomachs with how much we miss each other after a few weeks. We've managed to be able to travel from coast to coast quite often. I lived with him for two months this winter. Overall, we have a good relationship and we are happy with each other- the distance just makes things difficult for us.

I never graduated college. I don't have a steady job. The Reserves would provide me with an income, benefits, and I'd be able to go to school. And, if I decided I wanted to go active at some point, the option is available.

So basically, there are pros to changing my mind and going into the Reserves instead (mostly the fact I'd be able to be with him, we wouldn't have to deal with distance, I'd have more freedom, and I'd enjoy the benefits of being a Reservist). The cons are, in short: Not going active means not traveling, not being able to experience 'sea life' on a ship, not getting the whole 'active' experience I was looking for when I first joined. And, I'd probably be perceived as a quitter, letting some people down.

 

So here I am... Leaving in just a couple weeks. I know I can choose not to go, or I can go through with it. I have not said a word of this to my recruiters yet, because I know how pissed they will be and how biased they tend to get sometimes.

 

I guess I'm just asking for some honest advice. Pros and cons of Active vs. Reserves. Insight on doing the long distance thing in the military. Anything.

 

Thanks!

[skell456 (AO wife)]

Hello,  I am a soon to be Navy wife.  My husband leaves in just 60 days for bootcamp.  We have also had our second thoughts about this, but in the end we always go back to it being the best thing for us.  I totally understand your confusion.  It is awesome to fall in love and find a new man one that is not your ex and who is strong and mature.  My advice would be to go with what you wanted to do in the first place.  There are so many people that would give up everything to be in the very lucky postion you are in now.  We would give up everything if he could leave tomorrow.  I was 17 and signed up and ready to go, but before I graduated High School I "fell in love" and changed my mind and I regret it everyday.  Back then they had two year programs and I would have been set.  Now I am 27 married with a 3 year old struggling to get through college that is costing us a fourtune that in all honesty we do not have.  I would never change getting married and having my son because they are the very best thing, but had I went before I would not have to worry about the finacial burdens of school, daycare, and the stress of working going to school and being a full time mommy (the best job ever), but it does not bring in money LOL!!!!  If you two were ment to be he will be there for you through it all.  Go live your dream and be who you want to be.  Do not give up this experience.  Later when you do have children you will have the best stories to tell them ever. Plus you never know what the future will hold. This is purely my advice.  Do what is best for you!!!  Good Luck!!!!

[AshleyK's mom]

dont give it up for some guy, especially someone you havent know for to long. and also i dont know what he tells you but reserves DO NOT make alot of money!! your going to feel like crap if you miss your chance and going for all the reasons you listed above and for some reason this relationship doesnt work out.

[VW]

Dont give up the active. Its the best thing my son has done. He has a steady girl since high school and they work around it. You are first. Do this for yourself or you will always wonder.

[katydids61]

You are not married to this "man." Your number one priority should be to take care of yourself. If you are as independent as you say you are, then why would you go reserves and then have to depend on him to help support you? Think about it. It sounds like you are wanting to be taken care of and are talking yourself into being dependent on someone else. You will regret the decision and then feel like he was partially responsible for it.