Animosity, what a shame.

[ronspatricia]

You know, I came on this forum very soon after my fiancee went into the Navy which was December 2009.  From my first "uneducated" posts I've gotten no friendly hellos or welcome to the family, I posted reasonable questions considering my military background (which I'll get to in a minute) and I have been nothing but polite to the people here.

 

And yet every reply is snide, everyone seems to be the "Almighty" when it comes to answering the poor stupid patricia's questions, I'm looked down on because I'm unconventional i.e., don't know what the hell I'm talking about on this forum.

 

My grandfather served during the War.  He saved up his money and built a beautiful wonderful home for his family, a home that my mother rejected to live with my father who is anti-military.  Unfortunately I never got to meet my grandfather.  He died before I was born.  My parents hated not only the Navy and every other branch, they treated their children horribly (all SEVEN of them) and I left home and went out on my own from the time I was 15 years old.  No grandparents, no caring anybody.  I have made a choice to marry someone in the Navy whom I met and was in a relationship with BEFORE he enlisted, (we've been together since 2007) and any hope I have of salvaging my family relationship dies with the fact that I'm marrying a military person.

 

It's very discouraging to be a 23 year old single teacher who is struggling and trying to get across the country to be with her soon-to-be husband, and have no support from my blood parents, move away from my pets and friends and home to take care of my elderly aunt and figure out this whole "married military" thing and in looking for support from the very people who KNOW the struggles of military life and SHOULD be supportive as well, animosity and utter hostility in some cases are thrown in my direction and no one can get off their pedestal long enough to be friendly, or even hospitable.  I've felt unwelcome here since joining.  

 

No, my "beloved child" hasn't been sent on his or her merry way to boot camp.

No, my husband and I aren't conventional. 

No, I don't have a large support group in my life willing to help me in this marriage.

It's like that's been held against me on this group.

 

Elvis Presley once said, "Don't criticize what you don't understand."  Is a little kindness or at least decency too much to ask for?  No wonder so many Navy wives and moms have dramatic circles that'd make reality TV look tame.  I see it firsthand, here.  

 

 

[Mom B]

 am sorry you have had such a difficult time but remember God only gives us what he thinks we can handle and it does make us stronger even if we don't see how it possibly could.  Remember that there is always someone worse of then we are

 

Yeah I know that you have heard all of that before but it is true.

[BigDaddyJames-Ship 14 Div 273]

ronspatricia, I have not posted here for a long time, but seeing this, I had to say something. 

 

I didn't read all the posts in your group, but it does seem you have a chip on your shoulder,  I recognize the brand.  I left home early, without any support from my family. It made me angry for a long time, still does.  But it poisoned a good deal of my prime years.  You are only 23, even if you've been out in the world for eight years.  Your expectations may be out of line with reality.  It is also clear you are transferring your anger towards your family onto your new Navy family, and I bet your family has heard the same sort of thing as you posted here, only about them. 

 

When it starts to be everyone but you to blame, that generally really means it's nobody but you to blame.  Why not concentrate on today, just what needs to be done today.  Living in the now is the key.   

 

You want support, you've got mine.  So turn that anger into something positive, and know that pretty much every word written by these women is golden advice.

 

Best of luck to you and your sailor, and thanks for the sacrafices that you both are making for the country.

 

And if you think you've been mistreated, try being a Dad here, with a screen name like mine.  When you go to Great Lakes and meet some of these people in your PIR group, you will certainly change your mind about how things really are.  NavyForMoms was the best source of information, period.  NavyForDads does not have the participation level this site does.

 

Life is hard for everyone, it's not all about ourselves all the time.  I took the time to write all this, because I hope you will consider for a moment what part you play in the feelings you are having.  We do have a choice about how we feel.  Nobody can "make" us feel a certain way unless we allow it. 

 

 

[jacqueline-rn]

Hey BigDaddyJames as far as I'm concerned you can hang with us Moms anytime!  If anyone gives you grief about it just let us know and we'll take care of it for ya!  Right, girls?  Real men support their kids.  Period.

[J/J Mom]

Amen!!

[jguzan]

count me in on that

 

[BigDaddyJames-Ship 14 Div 273]

Ahhh, shucks.  You are too kind, ladies.  Thanks so much!  

[RWG (ship 09, div. 206)]

Im with ya too big daddy. If your like me (raising a son by myself) you have a great deal of respect for what women do. Would be so easy to hang out with the guys and worry about nothing, but my son always comes first. You are a real man. Your SR appreciates you.

[BR549]

I'm in, You can hang with us Big DADDY!

 

[ebigirl]

I'm right there with you too Big Daddy. I don't care what gender, color or ethnic background your from, we are all here to support our sr's and that really all that matters, IMHO!

Welcome.

[BigDaddyJames-Ship 14 Div 273]

Thanks again, everyone!  Best of luck to you and your SRs and SAs!!!