HELP!!! I think my future recruit is in denial!

[Invisible12]

I don't know where to turn. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that my son will be leaving for bootcamp in September, but now I'm starting to realize that maybe he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into. For instance, last nite we were talking about selling his car before he leaves and he said he'd like to buy a car from a guy that we know maybe next year. I asked him if he realizes that once he leaves, he's gone for 4 years, with the exception of the times he does get to come home for visits (which I'm sure are not often.) His answer was "I don't know." Of course, I started to cry. My question is - are most kids (I call him a kid even though he's 22) naive about what they're getting into? I'm so panicked that he's going to think he made a mistake and will be miserable when reality sets in. If anyone has any advice - PLEASE SHARE! I'm so sad that my first born is leaving and to think of him being "there" and regretting his decision just makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if I sound like an overbearing mother - I'm just so worried for him. Thanks for listening!

[Invisible12]

bhebert, I'm sorry to hear how unhappy your son is.  That is my BIGGEST fear.  It must be very difficult for you and for him, of course. I will keep my fingers crossed for you too that things will get better.  Thanks for sharing.

[Sandy's_sailor son]

bhebert, In a way (A)school is like an extension of boot camp. It is where they week out the bad apples. That is how things have to be. Tell your son that once he gets to (C)school or his permanent duty station things will be different. He will be treated as an adult.  Once your son gets his orders to (C)school or his duty station he should be able to come home on leave.

If you like you can add me as a friend we can talk via personal message.

[suzmazrn]

Eight weeks ago I was in your exact spot. My son was leaving for navy boot camp.He was talking about being home for Halloween (his favorite holiday). I did not think he got what was happening to him and how much the Navy was going to rule his life. Before he left he slept all day and was up all night.  We all survived the first eight weeks. I cried alot the first few days but as the letters came in I felt a little better. We are leaving in two days to see his graduation. I am very proud but nervous because he just called to tell me his orders are for him to go to Japan. All you can do is encourage him to write. They can tell you everything that he is doing and it almost makes you feel like you are there. He will come home for a few weeks then go to A1 school for two weeks then off to Japan. Expect no more than 3 phone calls while he is gone but my understanding is when he is on the ship he will be able to skype. Good luck the more brave you are the better he will feel about leaving you.

[Invisible12]

Suzmazrn, I'm glad to hear that there are others like my son.  It eases my mind a bit.  Japan??? I know that must be hard on you.  I wish the best for you and your son.  Thank you for the advice.

[MountainMama(ship3 div081)]

Believe me, if he's anything like my son, he will definately be miserable...at least for awhile.  The letters from Boot Camp were torturous to read.  He sounded so lost, so pathetic that all I did was cry until I got the next letter.  I kept thinking it would get better, but they really didn't....UNTIL I got the "I'm a Sailor call."  He was so proud.  Then I went to PIR and saw what a strong, confident young man I had.  He absolutely loved A school and he started at his first duty station this week.  I just got off the phone with him.  He's very, very happy.  You would never have convinced me he would be this way back in January or February. Oh and when he was home for two weeks, he was able to buy a car all on his own. 

He waited to see where he would be stationed as to whether to buy a car or not.  It turns out he got stationed about a day's drive from home, so he took the plunge and was very happy he did as there is not a lot of public transportation where he is.

Boot Camp will be hard on the both of you.  I thought I would lose my mind and I drove everyone around me crazy...but you both will make it through and you will see what a good decision it was. 

Best of luck to the both of you!

 

[Invisible12]

MountainMama, OMG I'm going to be just like you - crying at reading those "torturous" letters.  Hopefully the letters I receive won't be that bad.  I'm so scared.  Thank goodness everything turned out great.  I've been making everyone around me crazy as well.  Sometimes I can't even talk about it because I just start crying.  I don't do that to my son, but it's hard.  Thank you so much for your kinds words and easing my mind a little bit.

[Sandy's_sailor son]

MountainMama,  I am glad to hear that was not the only one who drove everyone crazy. LoL

[Nukette]

Invisible,

 

As a future sailor, set to leave in August, I figured I'd give you a little bit of insight from someone who's exactly where your son is at the moment. I'm almost 22, so we're just about the same age too!

 

I've been in DEP since July 2010. As of today, I have exactly 14 weeks until I ship out (Aug 17). July to April dragged on and on, and I felt llke it was never going to be time for me to go. Because of that I procrastinated. I did zero preparation physically, and only learned my sailor's creed so I wouldn't have to do push ups at the DEP meetings. I didn't even go to all of those like I was supposed to. I kept saying "I've still go time, I'll get to it later." I was still planning out things for the holidays and whatnot, pretty much ignoring the fact that I didn't know if I'd get to come home or not. In short, I probably seemed like I was in denial too. There have been some issues in my recruiting zone with kids getting to boot camp and failing out because they didn't really want to be there and were too afraid to say so while in DEP. So at the end of March they brought everyone in one at a time to talk to Chief. The meeting consisted of one question: Do you still want to be in the Navy? Of course, like everyone else, I said yes.

 

Somewheres about mid-April I got to thinking about that conversation. I stopped and really asked myself, "Is this what I want to do?" The answer was still yes. I took a good hard look at the calendar, and realized that the ship date, which had felt like forever away, was now coming up in only 4 months. Talk about an "oh s**t" moment! I realized that if I was really going to go through with this and join the Navy then I had to be 100% committed. It was time for me to actually start acting like I'm going somewhere. That night I memorized my 11 General Orders and started working out. I've been to a DEP meeting every other week since, and I just joined the local gym, since my own self workouts aren't going so great (I live in Florida, it's gets pretty hot outside this time of the year and I'm not a fan of heatstroke).

 

I say all that to say this: He'll wake up one day soon and realize it's almost go time. If he's willing, stick him on your computer and let him read the information here. I had a bunch of vague questions floating around in the back of my mind, but didn't think my recruiter would be able to answer them, so I just kept going along. Reading all the information here, and having answers to those questions that I wasn't quite sure how to ask has helped motivate me trememdously! Most kids don't really want to leave their family and friends for 9 weeks! Having something to look forward to afterwards will give him motivation to get prepared, and a reason to try to make RTC as smooth as possible so it will go by fast!

[Anti M]

Actually, boot camp is the easiest part of the Navy.  You show up and do what you're told.  Not to say it isn't demanding in all aspects, it is, but the potential to make decisions is next to nil.  Being prepared is a definite plus.  I had a week of DEP and went in cold.  I made it, but the physical part was tough on me.  Fortunately I can memorize quickly! Emotionally, I was fine, I'd been raised Navy and separations from family and familiar places was my way of life.  That part really hits some kids hard, and is a likely source of emotional distance.

 

Can you do your General orders in random order, while doing push ups and being yelled at?  If your recruiter runs you through that, you should thank him.  They're even more fun in the gas chamber.

[Invisible12]

I'm definately going to tell my son to make sure he can do his general orders while doing push-ups and getting yelled at.  That is awesome advice.  Thank you!!!

[Anti M]

In random order!

[Invisible12]

Yes, absolutely.