HELP!!! I think my future recruit is in denial!

[Invisible12]

I don't know where to turn. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that my son will be leaving for bootcamp in September, but now I'm starting to realize that maybe he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into. For instance, last nite we were talking about selling his car before he leaves and he said he'd like to buy a car from a guy that we know maybe next year. I asked him if he realizes that once he leaves, he's gone for 4 years, with the exception of the times he does get to come home for visits (which I'm sure are not often.) His answer was "I don't know." Of course, I started to cry. My question is - are most kids (I call him a kid even though he's 22) naive about what they're getting into? I'm so panicked that he's going to think he made a mistake and will be miserable when reality sets in. If anyone has any advice - PLEASE SHARE! I'm so sad that my first born is leaving and to think of him being "there" and regretting his decision just makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if I sound like an overbearing mother - I'm just so worried for him. Thanks for listening!

[jacketfan24 (corpsman mom)]

He will like going someplace different, but his papers said Great Lakes (the ones he signed when he enlisted).  I guess it's changed since then.  We are driving rather than flying so we can leave when he does. 

[Maria ( 9/132 - HM- 04-2011)]

That is great that you can drive there gives you flexibility. We are from TX so it was too far. We had our flight set up for Sunday so it worked out. Have a great day.

[Invisible12]

mtmomma, that makes me feel so much better.  My son seems more and more excited as it gets closer so I'm feeling a little more at ease.  I guess what it really comes down to is that I love him and am going to miss him.  Us as moms just worry.

[Invisible12]

I'm so afraid of breaking down when I have to say goodbye.  As it is, when we start talking about it I just start welling up for no reason.  I laugh, he laughs, I apologize and we move on. 

[ladyayp]

You will break down, but that is ok. You are his mom. He probably will to.

[Sandy's_sailor son]

Invisible, don't be afraid of crying. Every mom does!! (and lots of dads too)  We have all been there. My son's recruiter says he sees moms cry every time their child leaves for boot. They are used to it.

Yes, son's don't like to see their moms cry only because they don't want their moms to be upset and worry about them. It is not because they are embarrassed by it.

[ladyayp]

Ladies, I am reading all the post and reminds me so much as to when my sailors left. I have two in the navy. the first one in 13 yeaars and OMG, I cried and thought my whole world ended. The youngest has been in the navy for little over a year. He is on his first deployment of 7 months. Driving me crazy!!!! As a parent I did not want to let go. Now that he is in the navy, and loving it, I sometimes feel like afool for worrying soooo much. The time will past quickly ladies. I promise you will look back and say to yourself, "What was I thinking". I hope all learn to deal with their children, growing up.

[karen p]

he could be stationed in the states my daughter was for 2 years before she was deployed. they dont tell them all that they will be
getting into but they will grow up fast and know that they have to depend on themselves. my daughter is my firstborn and it hurts your heart to see them going off with a stranger when they come to the house and you are so anxious to hear their voice when they are at bootcamp. my daughter was 25 when she left and i always talked to her everyday that is the hardest part. if they go overseas that is hard but with emails cellphones and skype they are wonderful ways to keep in touch instead of waiting weeks and months to see or talk or hear from them when she was in bahrain i talked to her everyday. not that it makes you feel much better but with technology the way it is today it is some comfort

[jacqueline-rn]

I gave my son a hug just before he left for MEPS.  I thought I was doing a pretty good impression of being calm, cool mom but perhaps the hug was a little more cling-y than I thought.  My son patted me on the back and said, "It's okay, Mom.  I don't think they have live fire exercises at MEPS."  Oh.  Then one day at work I got a call, "Mom!  The Navy popped for a job!  The school [he just graduated from high school last Sunday] needs to have your permission for me to go."  So he was gone for two days without me even being able to give him the cling-y hug while he signed his contract and all.  I'm not going to tell you how I functioned those 48 hours and my coworkers are sworn to silence.  I just keep telling myself that this was what his dad and I were hoping for.  Not that he'd join the Navy necessarily, but that he'd become an independent, productive human being.  Some days I even believe it.  No, I guess I believe it every day.  It's feeling it that doesn't always come easy.

[karen p]

it is not easy on us moms they are us

but being in the navy does not make them neat if they are neat before they went in they are only neat for navy

when my daughter comes home my house explodes hope that makes you feel better

i didnt cry in front of my daughter at all when they came to pick her up but when they turned the corner off my street i was a mess my husband had to hold me up i do understand as all us other navy moms so you are fortunate to have the other moms to chat with i am very proud of my daughter also but wish it was something else she was doing in the states or at least stationed all the time in the states . good luck to him and you it is a worthy road i am a navy brat myself so i can understand from both perspectives.

[Sandy's_sailor son]

Hi Invisible. I know I am a bit late to join this conversation. I hope I can help you.  My son went into the Navy when he was 20. He had his 21st Birthday in the middle of boot camp, LoL   This June 15th, he will have been in the Navy for a year. 

When my son signed his name on the dotted line, he was prepared to make the commitment to serve as a US Sailor. Once my son made this decision, he was determined to succeed.   However, he was not prepared for what it was going to be like in boot camp. No one is.  Every Recruit finds something there that is challenging, a hurdle to cross. For some, it is being yelled at, for others it is the academics. For my son it was the 1.5 mile run. My son went through a lot. He got severe blisters on his feet, failed his second PFA = Personal Fitness Assessment. (and got a bad cold) 

However, through all the good and bad times Invisible12, never once has my son said that he regretted enlisting in the Navy.

I asked my son if he would do it all again. He said yes, only I would be more prepared now then I was before.

Invisible12, my son kind of sounds like your son. Before he left for boot camp he would give me sort of vague answers to my questions. I asked him why he did not have concrete answers to my questions. He said, Mom, I want to focus on getting through boot camp first. Then I will cross other hurdles when I get to them. 

Invisible12, Maybe this is where your son is now?

Invisible12, I miss my son very much. He is my firstborn. He graduated from (A)school 5/6/11 and is waiting for his orders to (C)school. He was able to come home this Christmas for two weeks. We had a great time.

Try not to worry. Your son is still your son and he is not gone forever. He knows where home is and will be back to visit.

Sandy:)

 

 

 

 

 

[Invisible12]

Sandy and Lori - I'm crying as I read your posts.  I can't tell you how much it helps to know there are others out there that feel the same way and their children are similar. 

 

Sandy, it's the simple things you mentioned (like the blisters and getting a cold) that make me cry.  To think of him being there, maybe feeling alone and homesick, just breaks my heart.  Congratulations to you and your son for graduating A School.  It must've been awesome to have 2 weeks with him.  I keep trying to convince myself that he will not be gone forever - I know he won't, but my head won't get through to my heart yet.  My heart just hurts.

 

Lorie, what you've had to go through is just awful.  I'm so sorry about your son.  It's devasating.  You are very strong.  I can only imagine right now how you felt when you got the "box."  I'm dreading that day.  But I know he's alot stronger than I give him credit for (as you with your son) so that's the only thing that keeps me going.  I hate to sound so morbid but it's just hard.  The waiting is really killing me.  Plus now I'm trying to plan his going away party and I'm putting together pictures and I just start crying.  UGH - I hate crying.  I don't do it in front of him though.

 

Thank you all so much for helping me out.  I so appreciate it.