HELP!!! I think my future recruit is in denial!

[Invisible12]

I don't know where to turn. I'm having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that my son will be leaving for bootcamp in September, but now I'm starting to realize that maybe he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into. For instance, last nite we were talking about selling his car before he leaves and he said he'd like to buy a car from a guy that we know maybe next year. I asked him if he realizes that once he leaves, he's gone for 4 years, with the exception of the times he does get to come home for visits (which I'm sure are not often.) His answer was "I don't know." Of course, I started to cry. My question is - are most kids (I call him a kid even though he's 22) naive about what they're getting into? I'm so panicked that he's going to think he made a mistake and will be miserable when reality sets in. If anyone has any advice - PLEASE SHARE! I'm so sad that my first born is leaving and to think of him being "there" and regretting his decision just makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if I sound like an overbearing mother - I'm just so worried for him. Thanks for listening!

[Sandy's_sailor son]

Invisible12,

The day my son left for boot camp I cried, my husband cried, we all did. My son's recruiter was very understanding and told my son that it is always very hard on the Moms.

When your son leaves for boot camp. Stay by the phone because when he arrives there at Great Lakes you will get a phone call from him. About a week after that, you will get a box with his civilian clothes. The box is loving referred to as "The Kid Box."  A week after receiving the box you will get a form Letter with your son's Ship, Division Number and address to send mail too. It will also give you his PIR date and code for access to his PIR. Make sure you keep this letter. 

After you get your letter, keep checking NavyForMoms for your son's PIR group. There you will meet lots of Mom/wives/girlfriends of sailors who are in your son's division. Sometimes a Mom from your son's division will start up a group. The PIR group and your division group will be your lifeline.

I don't know how I made it through my son's boot camp but I did.

Please enjoy your time with your son. Have the best going away party ever for him. When you see your son at his PIR, you are going to be so proud. It will be all worth it.

Please feel free to ask me questions. I just sent you a friend request.

by the way. What is your son's job going to be?

Sandy.

 

 

[Invisible12]

Sandy, I can't thank you enough for spelling these things out for me.  Sometimes I really feel ignorant.  My son is IT and I have joined the IT for Moms group.  I'm on this site every chance I get, trying to learn everything.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on overload!!!!

[Lorie]

Hi... I (sort of) understand where you are coming from.  My son left for bc almost 2 weeks ago.  He enlisted in March, so I, like you had time to sit and ponder and wonder and think about all of his answers to my questions.  I felt that my son joined more for the education and money and wasn't quite looking at things as realistically as I thought he should.  He is my oldest (21) and his younger brother died of a drug overdose at 16,so I have had alot of worries of losing the only child I have left.  But, when I watched him swear in at the MEPS center, I could see how nervous he was, but I also saw how nervous the other young men and women were too.  My worries turned into pride for him being determined to do something on his own.  I wonder and worry what he is doing right now (I have only received the "box" and a form letter with his address) but he said not to worry that he was fine.  I think--no I know--he is alot stronger than I have ever gave him credit for and I did not realize it until he joined the Navy.  I'm sure you will get over alot of your anxiety in the coming months.

[Sandy's_sailor son]

Hi Lori, It is a roller-coaster ride for sure. Joining my son's PIR group on NFMs was my lifeline.

When the UPS placed the box on my door step, that is when reality set in. I opened up the box to find my son's shoes and the clothes he wore the day we said good-bye. I cried. I have heard that many parents do too. This is when the reality set in for me. I was not able to see my son swear in at the MEPS center.

I think your son has an advantage in joining at his age. He will be able to deal with things better in boot camp. It is really hard for 17 and 18 year olds because they don't have the maturity needed to figure out what the RDCs expect and ask of them. (at first) They have to learn it.

The first week of boot is called "P" days ie, Processing Days. This is where they get their shots and more blood tests. Boot Camp really starts the second week.  If you have got the form letter, then he is in his permanent ship where he will remain for boot camp. It takes them 3-4 weeks to receive their mail. You might even get another phone call, it is up to the RDC.

 

I am so sorry about your 16 year old son.

You are a very courageous woman

 

 

[jacketfan24 (corpsman mom)]

Reading these helps so much...my son is not leaving until Sept. 6, and he is very aware and ready for what he will go through (although I'm sure that something will take him by surprise).  His dad was in the military and described the Air Force basic training to him, which is very similar to the Navy boot camp.  I, however, am not ready to lose my baby boy, even though I still have one at home.  This whole webiste has helped so much. 

My son is just 18 but is very mature for his age, so he made his choices based on the right things, but he's still my little boy!

Good luck to everyone else.

 

[Sandy's_sailor son]

jacketfan24. Your son will have an advantage because his Dad was in the military. Your husband has probably been preparing your son for the military from birth. (without even realizing it).

My husband's Dad was in the Army so he has raised our sons with the idea that they might want to join too.  I think this has made our sons more mature for their age. We also have retired Army and Navy friends. They told my son what to expect in boot camp. I think this helped my Sailor son a great deal.

I think your son will do great.

When you see your son at his PIR you are going to be so proud of him.

[jacketfan24 (corpsman mom)]

Thanks.  My son spent the weekend at the beach with my husband's family (two of whom are former Air Force) and he came back feeling lke they felt sorry for him that he is joining the Navy.  I have to admit that I got really mad...he turned down a college scholarship to join, and the military is really picky these days.  He gets this reaction a lot.  He knows what he is doing and is proud to be doing it.  I am so proud of him.  He has turned into a wonderful young man, and I am so looking forward to seeing him at PIR!

[Invisible12]

Jan - I'm trying to learn everything I can about the military and of course the NAVY!!!  My son is the first in our family to join the service so I'm really not familiar with any of this.  I've been doing my homework - every minute!  My son and I have been spending some nice time together lately and I'm already thinking of things to gather (articles and pictures) so I can send them to him while he's at bootcamp.  Thanks for the love......and the support.  I sooooo need it.

[jvptxmom]

I'm new to N4Ms and I have been reading everything I can get my hands on. This sounds alot like my child. He has all these great plans for when he gets out of bc. I'm just trying to imagine him getting out at all. He is somewhat immature and I can just see him being the target of alot of yelling. He is also kind of touchy...sometimes things don't bother him but other times his face turns red and he gets so mad he could spit. Not a good thing in bc environment. I keep trying to read him stuff about what other recruits would do differently before bc and he won't listen. He just keeps telling me he knows and he's in good shape (not) and how he'll be fine. Well, he may be fine but it will be a hard row to hoe! I just hope he doesn't get frustrated and shut down. He gets that defeated attitude and you just can't get through to him. But on the upside, whenever I think he isn't up for the task he has always managed to come through and surprise me. This is what keeps me going!

I know my friends are tired of hearing this story but here goes...When our dog had puppies and it was time to wean them she would turn on them and snap and growl until they would leave her alone. This is how I have felt for the last year. And oh how guilty I feel now that the time for him to actually leave is getting closer.This is how I know it is time for him to move on into his new adult life. As hard as it may seem he is doing what is best for him. I love my son very much and just pray about everything and know that God will help ME get through this! And in a way I'm kinda glad he is a bit naive because he will deal with whatever comes up and will be okay. Unlike me who is busy trying to prepare for everything in advance and I still won't have all the answers until things happen! LOL! I guess in reality it will probably be harder for me to stop being an overbearing mom than for him to become a sailor!

[Invisible12]

"I guess in reality it will probably be harder for me to stop being an overbearing mom than for him to become a sailor!" .....jvptxmom, I couldn't have said it better myself.  I agree with you 100%.  We'll always be a mom.  They are just becoming sailors.  I pray all the time too.  When does your son leave for bc?

[jvptxmom]

My son leaves June 21st. He's been a DEPper since 6/2010. I guess I should have had plenty of time to prepare for him leaving but time just gets by you and one day you wake up and realize it's here! He just graduated last Friday. I'm trying to get his room and corner of the garage cleaned out and still let him enjoy the last few weeks home. It's all a process. I'm trying to take it one day at a time. If I start thinking too far ahead I just want to cry. I'm trying to let it go and just deal with it the way he is and hope for the best! Thank God for this website. If I didn't have all these stories to read I would have already gone mad. My mind can get away from me sometimes and of course I always assume the worst. The hardest part of all of this is trying to stay positive and happy for him!

[Invisible12]

Me too.  I can't think or talk about it for more than 15 minutes or so.  After that I just start to cry.  I have to plan his party and I keep putting it off.  I wish you and your son the best.  I'm sure he'll be just fine and so will you.  Easy for me to say....LOL.  Good luck!