Single Mother Wanting to Enlist

[pld5zf]

Im not sure if anyone else has ever written about this before, but I am a 23y single mother and I am in the process of setting everything up so that I may enlist within the next few months. I was told that I would have to give up custody (guardianship) of my daughter before I am able to. Once I am done with training and recieve my orders, I would be able to regain custody and bring her with me. I am not too sure about this and wanted to see if I could get some help from someone. I also have questions about the housing. Seeing as though I am a single mother would I be in living grounds on base, ship, or qualify for off base. I really appreciate the help. I am really digging for all the information I can get, this is something I have finally made my decision about after thinking for a year now. :-)

[Kathy (AOMom)]

The custody of your daughter will be for the entire time of your enlistment. If you do it the way you say, its called fraudulent enlistment. There are many on here that know the exact rules, but so many have asked this before.  You wont need housing due to not having custody of your daughter. As a single sailor you could live in either barracks or even the ship. E5 and above qualify for BAH, sometime they give it to E4, depends on the command.

[pld5zf]

Thanks for that. My recruiter even advised me that I would be able to do this. Now I am a little confused on everything. If I can get in trouble for this then why would she advise me that this could be done?

[Kathy (AOMom)]

Honestly I dont know, and I dont know all the rules, and dont want to give you bad info. Hopefully maybe AntiM or someone who has more knowledge on the subject can guide you better.

[Kathy (AOMom)]

Relinquishing custody does not terminate dependency. Recruiting personnel are prohibited from having any involvement in your decision to relinquish custody of a minor dependent, or in acting upon this decision. Navy recruiting personnel must not advise, imply, or assist you with regard to the surrender of custody of a minor dependent. If you surrender physical custody of your dependents for personal reasons, the only transfer recognized by the Navy is a valid court order that transfers physical custody and does not show intent to return the custody back to you after a temporary period. Single parents that transfer physical custody of minor dependents must be advised that enlistment processing can not begin until 90 days has elapsed from the date of custody transfer and that they may not retain, nor have the minor dependents reside with them during the term of the first enlistment . I got this from Navy Enlistment Policy.

[Kathy (AOMom)]

If the recruiter says you can do it, have them show you the written rule on it. I would hate to see anyone get info that would make them think it was going to be one way, and its not true, especially when talking about your  child.

[pld5zf]

I have read some articles about it even some of the posts on this site. Some are saying if my state (MO) is a guardianship=custody state then I can file for guardianship with my parents or whomever. I also read on a post that I can retain custody if I had court documents stating that the person was only to have my child during bc and after that I have my child back. But the guardian or whomever were to be able to take my child in the case of deployment...etc.

[pld5zf]

This is the post I read:

 

I went to see a recruiter today. I have been thinking about (re) enlisting in the Navy. Wait, let me back up. When I was 18, I married my "high school sweetheart" and we both started the Naval enlistment process. He had medical set-backs, but I was good to go. However, after enlisting (but before bootcamp) I became pregnant and was medically discharged. I never re-enlisted. Now, we have 2 children, BUT we are divorced. I REALLY want to re-enlist and better my life, and my kids' lives. My ex and I currently have joint custody of the kids, but the recruiter said I would have to give primary custody to my ex and even then, there is a chance I wouldn't be eligible.

Any advice?

Thanks in advance

XoXoX

eBee

 

Permalink Reply by Vickyrun on December 14, 2010 at 12:10pm

Yeah, your recruiter is wrong. My daughter enlisted during her divorce (it was final while she was in BC) she has one child. Her recruiter told her the same thing but when she got to Great Lakes she found out she can have custody of her son if the father or a grandparent signs a paper stating they can pick up the child(ren) within 48 hours if she is deployed. Your children can come live with you while you are in A school and anyother shore duty and you can get family housing. Just make sure your custody arregment states that you will get custody back after you complete BC. My daughter has not gotten her son back cause hers does not say that and the father will not change it.   

Permalink Reply by eBee on December 14, 2010 at 1:22pm

thatnis some good news, but the one difference is, I am already divorced. I wonder if that changes anything .. and the recruiter told me that my custody stuff CAN'T say anything about the military .. I am scared that, although he and i usually get along really well, that if i was to give custody primarily to my ex, that he would fight me later on.

Permalink Reply by Vickyrun on December 14, 2010 at 4:08pm

 

 

Again your recruiter is wrong. Your custody agreement must say something about the miltary.  You have to go back to court and get it in writing that your ex is to give you the kids back after BC. Best of luck to you eBee. the miltary has many great oppurtunites for women but thier will be times you have to put the Navy before your family. When you are on a ship, who will take care of your kids? You need to have a family plan.

 

Yeah, your recruiter is wrong. My daughter enlisted during her divorce (it was final while she was in BC) she has one child. Her recruiter told her the same thing but when she got to Great Lakes she found out she can have custody of her son if the father or a grandparent signs a paper stating they can pick up the child(ren) within 48 hours if she is deployed. Your children can come live with you while you are in A school and anyother shore duty and you can get family housing. Just make sure your custody arregment states that you will get custody back after you complete BC. My daughter has not gotten her son back cause hers does not say that and the father will not change it.   

[eBee]

thatnis some good news, but the one difference is, I am already divorced. I wonder if that changes anything .. and the recruiter told me that my custody stuff CAN'T say anything about the military .. I am scared that, although he and i usually get along really well, that if i was to give custody primarily to my ex, that he would fight me later on.

Permalink Reply by Vickyrun on December 14, 2010 at 4:08pm

 

[Kathy (AOMom)]

Wow, lots of conflicting info. than what the enlistment Navy site says. I honestly hope you can get the correct story so you can move along with your plans. I wouldnt know what is right, some have experience and the Navy site says otherwise. Again make sure your recruiter is really clear and shows you the rules. Best of luck.

[pld5zf]

thank you for your help!!

[Angie]

Good luck with this...seems the recruiters are lieing to you!  You MUST give up custody 90 days PRIOR to a recruiter working with you.  Than you can NOT have custody back until AFTER your first enlistment (which is 4-6 years).  IF you do, you WILL be separated with NO benefits.  Also your child CAN NOT live with you your whole enlistment.  AFTER you give up custody, the recruiter will have to put in a waiver to see if you can even try to join as you where DEP discharged, yep that will still be on your record.

 

Go back to the recruiter and ask to see instruction.

Navy Recruiting Manual:
010103 Eligibility requirements:
(5) Have no more than one dependent (waivers may be granted for financially
responsible applicants with more dependents). If single, applicant must not have
custody of a dependent if processing for enlistment in the AC. See Chapter 2, Section 5 for additional guidance.

010104 Mandatory Rejection/Waivers Not Authorized
(11) Is unmarried with physical custody of minor children (see Chapter 2, Section 5 for exceptions for members processing for service in the RC).

Section 5 regarding custody: Single parents that transfer physical custody of minor dependents must be advised that they may not retain, nor have the minor dependents reside with them during the term of the first enlistment.

So, single parents may enlist IF they surrender custody of the child for the duration of the enlistment.

 

[Anti M]

Read this:

 

http://apps.americanbar.org/family/military/silent/singleparent_enl...

 

Especially:

 

DoD Insruction 1304.26 states the “The Military Services may not enlist …unmarried indivuals with custody of any dependents under the age of 18.”  The Navy regulation states “Single applicants who have custody of another person are ineligible for enlistment.  This is a non-waiverable requirement, so there is no such thing as a ‘custody waiver.’”

 

You may not take back custody during your first enlistment, this is indeed, fraudulent enlistment.  Your recruiter simply does NOT know their regulations.  

 

http://www.dtic.mil/whs/directives/corres/pdf/130426p.pdf

 

E1.2.6.2.  The Military Services may not enlist married individuals with more than two dependents under the age of 18 or unmarried individuals with custody of any dependents under the age of 18.

 

Sorry, but you must surrender custody for your entire first enlistment or you do not qualify. Your recruiter is WRONG. Show her this post, this regulation, and ask her why she told you that taking back custody was okay.  Because it is not.