Am I doing something wrong?

[Honey M.]

I was told by my SIL "it's time to cut the umbilical cord."

See I am a very proud and devoted mother of 5. I hardly ever worked outside of the home to be there for my children.

My oldest son (19 years old) is graduating form Submarine School next month March 2012. He went to boot-camp in March 2011. I spent hours with him after boot-camp graduation, as he flew out the next morning to Groton, CT. He came home for 10 days for Christmas. And may be able to return home for 20 days after Sub graduation.

I was joking around with my FIL when he was in the hospital, after reading a get well card from our Sailor. I jokingly told him "when is the Navy gonna let my son come home?" When my SIL law chimes in... with the above comment. She wasn't joking either.

Now, I am starting to wonder am I an overbearing mother? Am I not allowing my son to grow-up? Do I force myself on him?

I still tell him "I love you, baby!" I am careful not to say it when I am on speaker or skyping with him.

I know that he was getting teased for still calling his mom and dad Mama and Daddy. And he just told them that "they will always be my mama and daddy."

In no time at all my son is going to be on a nuclear powered submarine and under for 6 months at a time. I will be on edge every time the phone rings and door bell chimes.

So do I really need to cut the umbilical cord, and am I an overbearing mother?

[BunkerQB]

LOL. This is the best laugh I have had all day. My son is 27. He is a lieutenant. He is a nuclear officer on a sub. He has anywhere from 12 to 20 enlisted guys who are under his command at any given time. He probably is about as tough as they come - he went toe-to-toe with a Navy Seal who was giving a shit to one of his very young, scrawny, pimply face nukes with coke-bottle glasses.  He calls us whenever he can, We have gone as long as 7 weeks without communications.  We will end the calls with, "We are proud of you, son. We love you."  You can hear guys in the background. My son will reply back, "Love you too." unless he see something he has to attend to asap then it's a quick, "Gotta go. Bye." I don't believe anyone ever gives me son a hard time for saying those words.

Madame, you have our permission to kindly tell your SIL to zip it - feel free to use stronger language.

[sunshine73]

Haha! Loved those responses and I totally agree. While my son has gained so much independence since he left for BC over a year ago, I think we are closer than we have ever been. Our sailors need our love and support as much as we need to give it to them. This is from a mother who was also her sons teacher in high school (small rural town where everyone knows each other). I tried to back off as much as I could and give him space but that only happens so much in a small town. Only military parents understand that emptiness of seeing your kids off and really not knowing when you will see them again. They always need their Mamas.

[judy r]

Like Bunker and Sunshine I laughed too...because I still tell my sons I love them and my youngest is a Chief warrant Officer and the oldest is retired from spec ops..Tell sil till you've walked in my shoes dry up.

[BR549]

Your SIL has absolutely no idea what we all go thru not seeing and not talking to our son's, and frankly in my opinion it's none of her darn business.  I'm in a miss my sailor terribly mood this morning and this really ticked me off.  Tell him you love and miss him as much you can.  "outsiders" have no idea what we go thru. 

[Jo1]

HoneyM,

You sound like a wonderful mother.  Your sister-in-law is the one with the problem not you.  Keep telling your son you love him.  You know he loves it.  I say it to my son all the time and always tells us he loves us too. 

[momof4]

My daughter left for BC on 2/14. Although we had been preparing for her impending departure, when it finally was here it still didnt make it easier. And she is our 3rd child. She asked us not to go to MEPS and say our goodbyes here in town. Wow, that one hurt! But after talking to my husband, I understood that I needed to respect her decision. We have a wonderful relationship and maybe this was her way of saying "I'm grown" or it would make this transition easier for her. I tell my kids I love at the end of every call and they recipricate. So, I know they aren't embarassed. Your SIL just doesn't understand or she is envious of your connection with your children. Don't let those comments keep you down.

[Honey M.]

Thank you, I guess I just needed to hear from others in my place that I was not doing anything wrong when it came to my son. I went into a terrible funk after she said that, I didn't want to bother my son over it (as I wasn't sure if I was "bothering" him). I miss having all my children under one roof, and still make him a plate for dinner at times. I just wished that others would keep their two cents to themselves, when it comes to dealing with the separation. It's not like we can just pick up a phone and talk whenever we want, nor get in the car and see them in ten minutes. I have a 8 hour flight in between us.

Thank you, all for your encouraging words and insight. I am truly grateful!

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

Mine is 24 and married for 2 years.  About to finish up Prototype in 7 weeks.  He calls me Mama or Mom.  She calls me Mama.  He always tells us "I Love You".  His schedule is so stressful right now that we may go 2 weeks without speaking, just a quick text.  We were texting last night, a band he had heard on the radio he thought me and dad would like.  When we finished texting, I typed "Have Sweeties".  That's been our goodnight since he was a child.  Tell dear SIL to ZIP IT - STAT!!!  You've cut the umbilical cord, he's in the military, but the heart strings are made of elastic and can stretch as far as his boat can sail!!!!