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PIR Etiquette with Mother in Law
Hi Guys,
I was wondering if it would be rude to spend the whole day with my spouse without his Mom and Dad and Sister at PIR. I mean I know they flew out for the graduation, but I won't see him again for 4 months and it would be nice to just get the whole day alone.
Is there a nice way to say that to them?
Views: 811
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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No, not really. Suck it up and be gracious to his family. They won't see him for four months either. I'm assuming you want intimate time. Face it, might not happen. Sucks for you, but it sucks more to alienate the family in the long run. Either say it flat out, or don't make it an issue. No nice way to say, "You flew out to see your beloved son in a proud moment, now take a hike so we can get busy".
Is he flying out Saturday morning?
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Permalink Reply by NavySpouse02 on
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Hmm I'm sensing some animosity. I think I'll join a navy spouse website instead, to get a little bit better advice. I realize asking mothers probably won't give me the best response. Thanks for the response though.
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I'm no mother, I'm an aunt and an ex-sailor. I did not keep the peace with his mom, and it is ugly even now. I totally get not liking the MIL, I can barely tolerate a meal with mine. Best of luck, it isn't fun....
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Permalink Reply by ebigirl on
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We were in this position at this time last year. The difference was that my son was not yet married to his then girlfriend, whom we had made sure she got to PIR by having her ride with us (we drove to PIR). We also had our son's Grandmother with us. There are only about 7 hours after PIR that any of you will have with him, unless he is staying in Great Lakes for his A school.
My opinion is YES, it would be very rude to expect to "be alone" for the entire afternoon of PIR, but that's from a mom's perspective. Maybe if you approached it as, "would it be o.k. with you if we spent 2 hours alone after we all have lunch together somewhere"? That approach would be fine with me. But I'm NOT his mom or sister. They most likely will know "why" you want to be alone, and spending 2 hours together alone will probably go over better than the his entire liberty time. It will also be better than no time at all AND keeping the peace with the in-laws.
You will be able to visit him while he's in A school...at least that is what I've been told and have heard. If his mom and sister are traveling all the way to Great Lakes for PIR, the very last thing they will want to hear is, "see you guys later, we're going back to a hotel for the afternoon". Put yourself in his mom's shoes. How would you react if she tried to do something like that to you? Remember...you will be a part of his family for a very loooong time. Keeping the waters calm will help now and down the road.
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I guess that is the difference in perspective. When I got married I formed my own family with my husband and children not joined his. So I feel that his mom should put herself in my shoes really. Hmm, guess it's different for every person. Thank you for the response however!
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Hmmmm. I guess I'll take the high road and just won't go. I really dislike the in-laws, so to keep the peace I'll let them have time with him and I'll stay home with the kiddos.
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Permalink Reply by lemonelephant on
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I'm sorry that you dislike your in-laws. I had several years of that with my in-laws and I have found that being considered almost a daughter is much better than being the outlaw. That took lots of just loving them even though I didn't agree with what was happening and also really listening to them. I am now an ex-wife, but I still visit my former mother-in-law at least once a month and she seems happy that I do and she has hugs for me when I arrive and leave. I hope that you can get to a good point with your in-laws because it is better on your "kiddos" if there is no animosity among those they love. When/if your husband is deployed, it will also be better if you are able to support each other and share information with each other.
I hope you do choose to go to PIR because this is such a milestone for your husband and I hope he wants to share it with you more than any other person in his world.
There is a group on here, Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors (clickable link), and others there may have had a similar situation and can give you some insight from their experiences.
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Wow! I understand that you are his wife and want that alone time, but if they are flying in, don't you think they want some time as well? I'm sure your soon-to-be-Sailor is also looking forward to that alone time with you. As a mom, I know that I would want more than a few minutes, but I do understand that you need some time as well and I think your in-laws will understand as well. It would speak well of you if you spoke to your in-laws and asked for a few hours alone with your husband rather than the whole day, especially if he flies out.
Where will your Sailor be going for A School? If he is flying out, then you will most likely have the day of PIR and some time at the airport. If he stays at GL, then that will give you more time to figure out how to divide up and perhaps they could leave on Saturday evening and give you Sunday alone with him.
Will you be able to go visit him while he is in A School?
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No we won't be able to visit in A School because money is tight and we are trying very hard to get out of debt. I have a very bad relationship with his mother, and I've been so anxious for the past 2 weeks that I really just can't go. I desperately want to see my husband in this proud moment, but I can't spend this time being on the defensive around my in-laws. I need some time away from my kids too to re-charge because it's been difficult without my husband around.
I realize they won't see him for four months as well, but the day to day really takes a toll more so on me because he is my spouse.
He flies out saturday morning, so we only get one day. I understand they are his family, but I need time to re-charge too. I'm only one person trying to hold down the fort and it's just too much to be around her. I really wish I could share this proud moment with my husband though. Oh my husband is a bit older too, if that adds anything to the discussion. So it's not like he's a 19 yo boy going into the service. He's closer to 30.
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I am not a mother-in-law yet, so I only know how I hope I will handle things like this. Your husband's first love is you, but you both must honor his parents and respect their love for him. You will have from 10:30 until evening with him. Perhaps you can suggest that you and your husband spend until 2 or 3 with his family and he spend the rest of the day with you. He will know his flight itinerary and perhaps he can set up that you arrive earlier at the airport if they are also to see him off.
When is PIR? I noticed that you have not joined the PIR group.
If you don't have a good rapport with your in-laws, perhaps it would be better if your husband presented how the time will be divided to your in-laws. Make sure that you have an escape plan in place so you are not stuck--you drive separately so that he can leave with you at the appointed time.
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This is obviously more complicated than the original question that was asked. I just answered your question with answers of how I might handle the situation. Sorry my answer and/or suggestions didn't sit well with you. I do hope you will go to PIR. It is an amazing ceremony and your husband would be disappointed if you didn't show up. Good luck.
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When is he graduating?
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