Oh boy.... I can do this, right?

[Colleen SHIP-13 DIV -309]

A few weeks ago my SR told me he was having second thoughts and didn't want to go. I was so upset and disappointed in that decision. He's a good kid, He has NO plans to attend college- he needs some discipline and a little insight about the real world as a grown up.... besides, there is nothing here in Niagara Falls NY and I want my kids out of here.  He changed his mind and decided to go through with it......Tonight he leaves for MEPS, he is sleeping in his room for the last time as my little boy....and oh my LORD my heart hurts.

I have already sent a kid to college out of State, my daughter...and I figured it couldn't be worse than the feeling I had when I drove away and saw her waving in my rearview mirror..... WRONG...LOL

How do you go from being a protective mama bear for 18 years to nothing in a day? You spend all this time protecting them, teaching them, nurturing them...and then one day- it's over? My baby sister was born when I was 12, at 19 I married in to an already made family... I have NEVER not had children to be responsible for.....now my nest will be big and empty...

I'm a big bawl bag this morning with a little bit of drama thrown in..and if one more person says to me "Remember the days you couldn't wait for him to move out?"... ARGH!

It get's better, right?

[bethr311]

He can do it. My son was the same way. He knew he needed the discipline.

You can do it, but I'll tell ya, I haven't gotten to the "easier" part yet. I pray for him, for all the recruits, and all of us moms. I keep saying NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. I read these emails like a second job.

Hugs to you,
Beth

[Colleen SHIP-13 DIV -309]

Thank you, Beth....

I will keep you and yours in my prayers...and thank God for this site- I have gotten 99.9% of my information from here and I feel I have been able to send him off pretty well informed.. this place is my new obsession! :)

[Tina (4/9/12)]

Well Colleen, welcome to our world.  It is a very difficult time for both of you.  I started keeping a journal/long letter when my son left and then I had a long letter to mail when I got his address.  Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy and take one day at a time and that will help get you to your son's PIR day.  Good luck to both of you

[Patrat-Ship04-Div223]

Colleenrn,

YES! It does get better! My son just graduated from boot camp on 7/20. When he left I was truly a mess. I am very close to my kids. My husband is always telling me that I need to cut the apron strings. When he first left I would have several times during the day where I would just start to cry. I couldn't go in his room, looking at our dog even made me sad cause I knew he was missing him as well! I got the box, hated that! then he had his birthday while at boot camp, didn't like that either! Things started to change once we received the form letter with his address, and then came his first letter on June 14th. I will never forget that day! Thursdays became the best day of the week for me because for me that was when his letters would arrive. Being part of this group really saved me! There are women on here who totally get it, and will never judge how you are feeling and there is never a stupid question. Once you receive your sons form letter, his PIR date will be on there and you can then look for others who have the same PIR date. Hopefully you can make it to his PIR. It is truly something that you do not want to miss! You will be amazed at the change in your son and will be soooooo proud! I get chills just thinking about that day. We got to spend the weekend with my son after PIR. He had to go back at night, but we got both Saturday and Sunday with him, and also from about 3:00 Friday after he checked into "A" school which for him is still at Great Lakes. He now at least can have his cell phone etc. so we can communicate which is great. Best advise - try to stay busy, start writing so that when you do get his address you can mail them right away, and stay on this site, it truly is a life saver!

[Worried Mama Ship14/Div300]

Aww Colleen, your post touched my heart. I too felt (feel) the same way. I dont know how NOT to be a mom to him, and your right - you are everything to them and then they climb that bus and BAM...thats it. I cant tell you it gets easier, but i can tell you the tears will slowly start to dry up and you will learn to adjust. There will always be that void in your heart and for a good while you will expect him to come bouncing in the door as he always did. but you will learn to adjust. Take time to deal with the hurt and emptiness, but dont dwell on it. Celebrate the strength your son had in making this choice and all the possibilities that lie ahead for him. Things that you could never provide for him easily like seeng the world or training him to have discipline). I dont say discipline as a punishment word, I say it as...take for example my son. He is mama's boy, wanted for nothing. I cleaned his room, did his laundry, he had it gooood!! Haha, its my fault that I spoiled him so, and he just knew he didnt need to do anything for himself because mom would do it! I knew he needed the discipline of caring for himself, and I know he will get it in the navy. I may not like that he has to learn it, but we all want healthy happy productive children to send out into the world and have the peace of mind knowing they can survive, dont we? Thats how Im trying to get myself through this time, believing he will learn the tools to be productive in life. He recently left, only just a week ago - and Im living proof that I thought the world would end the day he left...and it hasnt! You can do this, and being on this site is definitely the best tool you can use to help carry you through this time. This site is filled with informative, compassionate, and nurturing moms. You will be surprised how comforting their words will be. Hang in there, somehow, we will all get through this together.

[Tysmom]

Colleenrn, I understand just how you feel. Yes, it does get better. My son has been in bootcamp for 4 weeks. Some days, I still get weepy, because I know things will never be the same. However, I'm so proud and happy that he is doing something good with his life. That's what we have to remember. Just write a lot of letters and tell him to be sure to write to you. It helps so much just to know what is going on and how he is doing. Also, if you haven't already, watch the videos on the Recruit Training Command website  http://www.bootcamp.navy.mil/index.asp . It gives you a good idea of what he will be doing in boot camp.  Good luck to you and your son!!

[Mike's Mom (S-PACT/Yokosuka,JP)]

I swear it's more about us letting go than them leaving! You are right, he will mature and by the end of boot camp, he will feel so accomplished. As for yourself, this is a grieving process and the only way through it is through it. The good news? This site is chock full of moms who are feeling just like you. My son's been gone for 2 weeks now. I couldn't have made it this far without all these wonderful women!

Beth, ha! That's the truth," I read these emails like a second job."!!!

[durrichShip03/Div354]

Colleen, I'm right behind you or beside you as we all are. My son doesn't leave for BC until 9.4 so I'm on countdown now. I'm thrilled he made the decision and yet the next minute I begin to cry. Emotions are all over the map. The only thing is he doesn't see me cry - he doesn't need to worry about good old Mom.  My older son has been in the USCG for 9 years now, and when I think back on that time...I wonder how I made it through. Actually live within an hour of basic for the CG and used to drive to the base entrance and sit in the parking lot hoping to see him - basic for the CG is 12 weeks, and BOY was that a long time! What someone told me (a very smart Momma) - was that yes, some kids go to college, but you know they can come home whenever they want to - the Navy is different - you are really 'letting' go with prayers, and pride.... You'll forever be his Mom - nothing changes that, be as brave as you can - keep writing your thoughts here...it's a wonderful site, and know that you aren't alone..... to love a child so much that you want nothing but the best for him/her...what a gift!   (Checking this site has become my second job too....!!!)  Linda

 

[MichPad(STA21 Officer Mom)]

Yes, colleen is does get better.  Not always easy, but better.  My sailor is my oldest, and first to leave the house.  He's been gone since 1-3-11, PIR of 3-4-11.  He's in Goose Creek, SC on his last leg of Nuke school.  I miss him something fierce on some days.  In the school he's in now he's on 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week, then has a couple days off, so I don't get to talk to him very much.  Kind of like bootcamp!  I too started a letter the day he left for bc, and compiled everything until he sent his address.  I didn't find N4M's until he was about half way through bc, so you are ahead of the game, and you'll be so much better off that you are.  Hang tight, you and he will make it through.  This group, as well as the pages on facebook (easier to use in my opinion) have been a Godsend to me.  I have met some wonderful women, who know EXACTLY what you're feeling.  Once you know your sons division find his division group, or start it yourself, you will have some lasting relationships from that one too.  I still do, over a year later.  Best of luck!  and big <NMH> to you!

[Colleen SHIP-13 DIV -309]

Thank you everyone.. I know he will be fine...it's the BS of no communication when I want it! ..LOL...

It's nice to know I'm not alone.. :)

Thank you.

[rnterry 04/817 PIR 7/27 alumni]

Hi colleenrn, Let the tears rip girl!!!!  This is really, really hard, you think you are going insane.  This site proved me wrong and saved me a ton on therapy.  Everyone  here gets it, read last week where a Mom had to leave her exercise class because she started to cry.  Find other Mom's in your division, set up an email group with them so you can talk about your SR by their name.  Then when you get to PIR you will already know several people.  Half the fun was putting a face to the name's of the other Mom's. 

What will your SR be doing after basic?  Thank goodness he decided to go, it is such a wonderful thing to do for yourself.  I noticed the difference in my Son, he had better focus, carried himself with greater pride. Was respectful, he always was anyway but it was different now.  Close with his division mates.  Knew how to fold clothes and clean!  Bonus. 

Be kind to yourself, this is really, really hard on us Mom's.  It sucks actually.  Looks like you are an RN also.  I have been nursing for 20+ years, so that is what 140 dog years.  What area do you nurse in?  I was a bone marrow transplant nurse for 10 years before I burned out, now I work as a prison nurse and looking to leave that.  I graduated from Crouse Irving Memorial Hosp. School of Nsg in Syracuse, which is where my 2 Son's were born.   You ain't kiddin about nothing to do in Niagara Falls, remember driving through there, lot's of power lines. 

Welcome to the group, everything is safe to say here. If you need a shoulder to cry on, you have over 60,000 of them.  Think we are up to the task.  Have a good day.

[ModestoAngel (IT/ATF Pensacola)]

I know how you feel. But yes, you can do this. I am falling apart just the same. The worst thing to me is that we've spend 18 years raising them into what they are and then they go off to boot camp to be changed into something else. And we have no say in it anymore. Sometimes if for the better. But sometimes we love what our children have grown up to be. I have not sent a child off to college but I feel that sending one off to BC is worse being you have very little contact. I hate the unknowing especially where my kids are involved. To me, it's like a grieving process. I have to keep reminding myself that I will see my daughter again. She isn't GONE. Which is hard to do. With the support of all the moms here you can get thought this. This message board is my sole means of survival to get through this. Lean on the moms here. We will pull each other through.