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recruiter advising not to disclose adhd diagnosis
I know their are discussions regarding undisclosed medical diagnosis when joining the Navy. Does anyone have suggestion on how I can handle this?
I understand that this is a felony and in the long run could potentially ruin your life. My 17 year old son has wanted to join the Navy for many years. His goal is to become a Seal. This is his single focus in life. He does know this is a felony but is certain he wont be caught.
Just as a "quick" back ground on my sons issues - He was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade and has been on meds since. I'm not sure but he may also have a secondary diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder. He is able to hold things together on meds enough to get by. He tried going off his meds last summer for about 8 months. This didn't go very well he had some social issues and declining grades, none of this issues ended up in the legal system or in a suspension from school but they were boarder line. He was fired from his job at Dairy Queen. He requested to go back on his meds in Dec. and did better, (not great) but now is off them again because he plans on joining the Navy in Nov. when he turns 18.
He knows with an ADHD diagnosis he can not join. He has discussed this with the recruiter he has been in contact with since he was 15. My husband, my son, and I met with the recruiter last summer at which time the recruiter told him ( in our presence) If he doesn't disclose the ADHD they won't know because they ( the navy) can't see his medical history. The recruiter also went on to say that ADHD is over diagnosed and everybody has that diagnosis so they can drug kids to get them to sit still in school.
I was livid. We spent 2 years trying to decide to medicate our son, and a lot of time researching the subject before deciding to medicate him. It was not a decision we took lightly. I can't believe the recruiter had the nerve to say these things in our presence.
Now to the issue at hand. I refuse to sign papers for early entry to the Navy because of his issues. I know my son plans on omitting this info on this admission paper work. I also know he is being coached as to what to say when challenged on this issue. This issue has caused such a rift between us we are barely speaking, so don't bother suggesting a heart to heart talk with him we are years beyond that. He even had a psychologist tell him "if I had to do an eval on you for the Navy I would never recommend putting a gun in your hands." I think this is very important information that the Navy needs to know about, but who do I talk to or where do I go? What are my options? Obviously I can't talk to the recruiter, or my son. They all think I'm just being an overprotective mother. I feel like I have until Nov. ( because he turns 18 in Nov.) before I really have no options. I also realize my son will never speak to me again if I take this away from him. What does a person do when they know some one is falsifying info on their admission paperwork? I am for ever grateful for all our military veterans and their families have done for us. I would be very proud to be the mother of a Sailor under different circumstances. Thank you for any advise you can offer.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Angie on
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understand what you said...but if the son doesn't disclose it and it is found out after bootcamp...he will get an RE-4. Been there done that to people... RE4's are NOT good. He could even get a dishonrable discharge...seen that also for people who lied when they entered service and they found out in "A" School.
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Permalink Reply by Concernedad on
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Angie, I absolutely agree with you. However, this situation isn't only about the son's future in the Navy, but also the son's future with his mom. Like I said, tough situation.
Bottom line, her son needs to tell the truth at MEPS. Perhaps someone can post the rules regarding what happens if you lie at MEPS. At the very least, he'll be sent home from Boot Camp. Of course the worse situation is, he gets in then has an incident while off meds.
My son dealt with more than one recruiter while on DEP, and it was amazing how many answers were contradictory. Some seemingly on purpose, but some seemingly because the recruiter was clueless.
Leave this article for him to read
http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/joiningup/a/falsestatements.htm
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Concernedad
I absolutely understand what you are saying. I even agree with it. however, I have talked to my son about the consequences of lying, I have printed out information about what has happened to military who have been caught lying. He ripped it up and threw it on the ground, actually it was an article from the web site you suggested. He does know what can happen. He believes it won't happen to him. The thing to remember is he has some psych issues and does not necessarily think like the average person would. ( then add on your typical teenage logic) he is not a reasonable person.
My goal is simply to make sure the medical history is disclosed. If the Navy accepts him knowing all the information, I'm good with that. My goal isn't to get any one in trouble.
I am very much aware of how this could rip our family apart. It kills me all day everyday to think about what could happen, with either decision I make.
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Sorry to say this...but have you thought about admitting him to the hospital in the psych ward for 72 hour observerstion? I would guess by your writting that he has done something to warrent it (I am not in any means saying you are bad...or he is a bad kid) by doing that....than if he put in all the paper work to join...they wouldn't touch him.
Also when you find out he is joining, feel free to take all the paper work to MEPS (that the recruiter told you not to take) and make copies for the OFficer at MEPS.
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I just coud not do that. Put yourself in Jen's shoes. What sort of tailspin could come from her directly stopping her son's enlistment?
Unfortunately, the Navy treats these kids as adults and won't do anything without notifying them as to why. It's not like she could go to an officer at MEPS and work out a deal to disallow her son.
I wanted my son to go to college first, however, I determined it was his life to live.
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Angie, No need to be sorry,
I'm not sure that is the route to go. I am a Registered Nurse and two of my friends, also Rns have worked in the adolescent psych unit in our area. One of these nurses is also married to an adolescent counselor. They know my situation and my son first hand. Unless you are having a psychological break or are in danger of hurting yourself or others, it probably does more harm than good to be in a psych unit. I definitely have my concerns with my son, and watch him closely, but don't feel he is to that point yet.
Last night he told me his recruiter wants to come to our home to talk to us. I am mulling this over in my mind.
My plan ( for today any way) is to continue to encourage him to do the right thing on his own, while letting him know that if he doesn't I am not above reporting him. I think he knows me well enough to know it's not an idle threat. At least then if he does decide to go through with this he will not be blindsided when he finds out what I've done.
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Permalink Reply by BunkerQB on
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Just give your son this link to a site created just for deppers
Craig the dad who created and runs the site is former Navy himself. There are times when as his MOTHER, you have to let him find out for himself. This may be one of those times. However, he is probably open to "talking" to others (most likely another guy) about this. Tell him, he'll meet other recruits, get the straight scoop - the moms aren't on that site (at least I am not). Based on the information you have provided, I think your son and the Navy are not a match - in this time and place.
I know how frustrating this must be for you. It's really too bad because obviously your son wants this more than anything. There are people who "outgrow" their ADHD tendencies. But if he was taking meds 8 months ago, the condition is not going away. Good luck.
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Depressing read from an ex recruiter....
Doctors at MEPS are hit and miss. Some of them want patient records on every illness out there, some of them could care less. That is why recruiters tell you to lie. They want you in, especially if they spend lots of time helping you get in, and then you get denied. I can't tell you how many I lost during my tenure due to surgeries, ADD and ADHD, phsych visit's when they were younger and so on. Then after you lose the person, this is what you hear from you RINC (recruiter in charge) and Zone Supervisor, "Shipmate, what you got for me now? You're sitting on a donut...Make it happen" Next thing you know, you're working 16 to 17 hours a day, making phone calls for probably 6 to 8 of those hours. Nobody wants to go through that month in and month out for 3 years. The job is very hard, and so telling people to say they are in perfect health and always have been is the norm.
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Permalink Reply by ebigirl on
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Something needs to be re-vamped regarding the "norm zone" that Recruiters have fallen into. I'm not saying all, but there are many. Advising someone to LIE is against all regulations of the Military, not just the Navy. If a Recruiter feels they need to advise a recruit to lie from the start, where does it stop???? Also, when the recruit is caught or finally tells the truth, the recruiter faces NO type of punishment for advising someone to lie.
Recruiters lie to recruits everyday about different things. This needs to STOP ASAP!!!
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It seems to me like being up front with a kid from the start about the real chances to get into the navy with a ADHD history, and having an open and honest discussion about what will happen if you lie on MEPS, would save the recruiter a lot of time. and weed out a lot of people up front before the recruiter invests all the time in them freeing up time to deal with kids who can actually get in. Sorry I don't intend it to sound judgmental, its just that that makes sense in my mind.
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You are absolutely right. The recruiter was encouraging him, feeding his fantasy, his dreams. What young man doesn't like that. Jen, you will probably end up being the bad guy - might not be able to help that. Let us know how everything goes.
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Not trying to be rude...but alot of parents feed into the fantasy also...WHY would someone even think their child could join the military with a lot of the things I have seen happen over in Ship 5?
YES the recrutiers are jacked up! I belive that 100%...but most parents just go along with it also, just like the child does...thinking it will be all good.
It takes a strong person to go againts what their child wants and do what they know is right!
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