How to deal with your loved ones leaving for the first time?

[Michelle]

Hello Ladies,

So that dreaded moment has finally hit home, my Husband officially went to boot camp yesterday, I received his last phone call last night and he was only allowed to tell me three things 1. that he landed safely 2. that I should be getting a package with all of his things and 3. that I would hear from him again in about 4 weeks. 

My question is HOW do I deal with the reality of him leaving?? So far its just been non stop crying, everyone keeps telling me to keep myself busy but its like I don't have the energy to even do anything to begin with. I think things would be a little better if I was at least happy with the idea of the Navy but it was extremely hard for me to just except the fact that he was even joining. We have an 11 month old and I guess she can sense my sadness because she's been acting different lately too she doesn't want to eat much and keeps calling for her dad.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with your loved ones being gone and how I could stay strong for my daughter?

[Anti M]

Do join some of the groups here, there are others going through the same thing who can help you.

Do read this about the cycle of emotions of a Navy SO:

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/girlfriendsfianceswivesofsailors/f...

It is a good group to start with!

[Michelle]

Thank you so much for the links, they really do help

[Knittycat10]

Stay busy I guess. I feel so bad for you, my boyfriend (who I've been with for 3 and a half years, spent every day of that together, live together) left on the night of the 2nd for BC. I cried nonstop that night, most of the next day as well. I haven't hardly eaten. The only thing that's helped for me is listening to music. I feel like you though, I can't sleep but I'm too tired to do stuff. I stared a journal that I'm going to mail him when he gets to A school. The one thing I found that helped a ton is writing him a letter. I don't have my boyfriends address yet, but I've written him one, wishing him well, bringing up some funny memories. It even made me laugh while I was writing it. This is what I try to tell myself: my boyfriend is 24, we're beyond the high school age, mostly set in our ways, he is just being fine tuned, not completely changed. You husband is probably doing the same thing my boyfriend is right now. They are most likely so busy they hardly have a second to think, but I bet when they do they're thinking of us.

So yeah, just write letters, try to keep them super upbeat, and you'll feel better too as you write. Soon you will be getting letters from your husband every week, and you'll have real written letters that you can hold and read over and over until you get to see him graduate. I feel a little better every day, and I hope you begin to as well.

[Michelle]

Thanks so much for sharing your story it helps knowing that your not alone. Letters do help alot he just left yesterday and I already written 3 letters and will most likely write another one tonight before I go to bed, its like now that he's gone I all of a sudden have so much to say. 

All I keep repeating in the back of my head is that he's doing this for us to better our future and our families future. We're both 22 so the future that the Navy will provide for us is something that we would never be able to have on our own. I was never a fan of anything that had to do with the Military, to me whenever I heard Military I automatically think war, guns, and bad thoughts but if this is his dream there's nothing more I can do then to support him. I'm so anxious to get that first letter and to hear from him that he's ok and that this is what's right for us.

[Anti M]

I saw a good suggestion, keep a journal where you can put the negative stuff so it has an outlet other than to him.  He can read it later if you choose.

[Michelle]

That actually sounds like a great idea, thanks so much!

[Knittycat10]

I saw that you live in New York, I'm right next to you, in western Mass. Where is he going for his A school?

[Michelle]

He's staying right in Great Lakes for his A school, he's going in for Advance Electronics Technician.

[Knittycat10]

Oh, my boyfriend is going to Mississippi for logistics specialist then to Groton Ct for sub school. Good luck. I hope it's getting easier for you.

[BunkerQB]

Michelle and Knittycat,

The fact that you here and seeking information is a start. You know you are not alone. You know there are resources out there. Don't forget to use Google. Don't forget that there is a "search" function for blogs and discussion forums. Input keywords for topics of interest and see what discussions have been posted in the past. You'll pick up a great deal of info. In the meantime, I would like to suggest that you learn the "ins and outs" of being the "support staff" for you future sailor. Right now you are still dealing w your emotions primarily. Soon, you should start a binder - a place to keep important reference material for moving, finding housing, mailing packages, insurance, power of attorney, credit scores, credit cards, leases, buying a car, forwarding mail, handling the phone services (cell and land line), critical family information (safe place to keep), inventory of household goods, communicating with families (his and yours), planning leaves, etc. etc.

Best of luck to both of you.

[Michelle]

Thank you so much for all of your advice. I have another question if you don't mind, I know that we are allowed to send them a TON of letters while they are in bootcamp but how many letters are they allowed to write to us and how fast do we received them? I know that we don't receive their first letter till about the 3rd week but after that do we only receive on letter a week or how does it work?