Is it hopeless for Girlfriends?

[Cassie]

My relationship with my sailor is quite new, however we have already discussed a life together, it's one of those "you just know" situations.  He just left for boot camp a week ago and will be going to A school in monterey immediately after.  I want to be with him and have a life with him but he and I wanted to take our time a bit more with marriage because we are very family oriented and want our families to be involved in these things.  Unfortunately the more research I do the more it seems that being together is next to impossible as long as I'm just a girlfriend.  I understand that the military doesn't pay for things unless you're married and I'm more than willing to travel I just graduated college and traveling has always been part of my plan, but it seems like even being willing and able to travel doesn't help at all.  Does ANYONE have any experience with this and been able to make it work without rushing into a courthouse wedding?  I would really appreciate the insight because all this bad news is started to drive me crazy.

[amandamomof4]

I don't think it is hopeless. How long have you been together? Where do you live in relation to monterey?

I met my husband 5 weeks before his ship left the town i lived in. We both felt our relationship was special and decided it was worth continuing. over the next year + we wrote letters and talked on the phone (this was late 80"s so no email,testing or skype). He was able to come visit a few weekends(liberty) and one week (leave). I also spent some time with him over the holidays meeting his family in another state (also leave for him). We got to know each other very well with the correspondence and calls and had a deep appreciation for any time we spent together. In the year before we got married we had only spent about 45-50 days together. We have been married almost 25 yrs now.

Take it slowly, if what you have is lasting it will work long distance. Dont worry about hurrying up and moving there, or getting married prematurely. I have often thought that i would have married him right after his ship left if he had asked me to, but I don't know if we would have been as strong a couple if we had done that.

[Cassie]

We've only been together for a short period of time, 3 months.  I live in Georgia but I am planning to move to Monterey, CA when he goes to A school because he will be there for almost a year and because I was already planning to move to either Florida or California for a year between undergrad and grad school anyway.  Ours sounds almost exactly like yours, we knew pretty much immediately that we had a very special and strong relationship.  

[Rickysgirl23]

My brother and his wife met while he was still in the military. He was stationed in California and also went overseas to Korea and Japan. When he was stateside he would visit her every weekend and they talked A LOT. They were able to make it work. It will be tough and I suggest surrounding yourself with people that understand and will lift you up during the difficult times. My sister in law told me there were lots of people that tried to discourage her but she stuck it out and they are happily married with 3 beautiful kids. This is your own beautiful love story and it will be what you two make it not what others think it should be. Stay strong and do what you think is best for both of you.

[sailorwifenmom]

It is NOT hopeless to be a dating Navy couple. There are MANY couples out there that do it, and do it successfully. Honestly, the biggest problem with it is when a couple is only dating (even if they are living together, as far as the military is concerned, not married means dating) but they want the same benefits that married couples have. (Why can't I have an ID and shop on base, I'm buying groceries he eats just like a wife... Why won't the Navy pay for our housing, even if we aren't married... that sort of thing...)

You would be surprised at the number of people who truly believe the Navy (or any military branch) should move girl or boy friends, or give them ID cards and base access and health insurance, because they love each other but aren't ready for marriage.

As long as you are happy together, and are ok with not being treated like a spouse, then there's nothing stopping you guys from dating and getting married when you're ready :-)

(If you think about it, this really isn't any different than any other corporation out there - their employees can date whoever they want. Once they get married, they get put on the company health plan so to speak....)

You CAN make it work - on YOUR schedule, if you want it to :-)

[Anti M]

It can be done.  Nothing wrong with a long engagement, or not moving intogether if he can't get permission to live offbase while in school.

I met my husband on Diego Garcia while we were both active duty.  I was arriving and he was leaving not too long after I got there.  I was taking over his job!  He went to a ship in Japan, one which deployed to the Persian Gulf often during Desert Shield.  All snail mail and the rare phone call.  I did get orders to Japan after a year, but it wasn't in the same end of the country!  We both managed to take leave at the same time, married in Vegas because we simply had no idea if we'd ever see each other again.  The first two years of our marriage, we saw each other a total of 28 days.  But next February is 26 years.

It can be done.  It isn't picture perfect, but I wouldn't trade my husband for anyone else in the world.  Hang in there, welcome to he Navy family... good luck!