talking about the future...and I'm young..

[csan214]

Hey ladies! So a little background on us: I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. he was a senior when I was a freshman, and we immediately clicked. We became best friends, then he asked me to be his girlfriend, and things have been smooth sailing ever since :) he graduated boot camp at the beginning of February, and is almost ready to graduate A school. It definitely was NOT easy but it was so worth it. I'm 16, he's 18. Not trying to sound rude or mean towards anyone, but if you are going to tell me that our relationship is "illegal" or destined to fail; please don't waste your breath. You don't know how many times I've heard it from people. Again, I don't want to sound like a snobby brat or anything, but it's just not what I'm asking about. But anyways, the majority of military couples I see online are very young and married. We have been talking about getting married once I graduate so I can stay on base with him. Honestly, I see myself being with him. He is everything and anything I could ask for in a partner. But my parents are pretty strict and I know they couldn't do anything since I'll be a month away from 19, but I just hate them being mad at me. They love him, and honestly I don't think they would mind us getting married (my mom and his mom want us to haha!), just not this young. I was either thinking about getting married and going to school in San Diego (his base) or just going to school out there and staying by him, then waiting to get married till his 5 years in the Navy is over. What would everyone recommend? I know it's a while away but I just want to take everything into consideration and hear everyone else's opinions and/or experiences. Thank you!!! :) god bless ♥

[csan214]

Awh! It's nice to have someone around my age going through the same thing :) Hope everything goes well for you. Thanks for replying! <3

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

I was 15 when my now husband and I started dating. He turned 19 about a week after he asked me to be his girlfriend (I honestly thought he was turning 18 and not 19 since he had just graduated high school). He did a year of college in Chicago and we dated long distance and then he joined the Navy. I was 16 when he left for bootcamp. He proposed a few weeks before my high school graduation... I'm pretty sure all of my teachers' jaws dropped when I walked into class with a 1 carat diamond ring on my left hand. We got married about a year later after he finished his first deployment. At that point, I was sick of the distance. So we got married at the courthouse when I was 19. My mom wasn't thrilled, but her and the whole family are okay with it now just because they see how happy I am. That and I'm not pregnant and still going to school full time. ;) 

One thing to remember is that just because he's stationed in San Diego, doesn't mean he'll be there the majority of the time he's stationed there. My husband left a month after I moved here for an 8 month deployment. By the time our first anniversary rolls around we'll have spent 5 weeks together... had I not moved here a month before he deployed, that would have only been a week. I don't regret it for a second because I'm happy to be here taking care of things and I'm happy that once he does get home we'll get to share our lives together again. But just something to keep in mind. :)

Do what makes you happy. Follow your heart, but be smart about it. 

On the marriage note, if you truly want to spend the rest of your life with him, then marriage is extremely beneficial when it comes to living with him. I'm not saying marry for hte benefits, but I'm saying if you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with him, then making it legal gives you the benefits. Amazing free healthcare, in state tuition even if you're not a resident of the state, scholarship opportunities, and BAH are some of the biggest. In my case, making the marriage legal was the only way to afford me moving out here and living out here and going to school out here. 

So just wanted to give you a little piece of hope :) If you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them :)

[csan214]

Thank you for your advice! We've been tossing the possibilities around and came down to the conclusion that the only way I could afford school out there (which is my biggest concern-my education is very important to me) and have the most time with him would be to get married. My main worries are my family. I know my parents will think that since he's my first pretty serious relationship, I'm not experienced enough. I haven't been interested in other guys, I haven't seen who else there is to offer...if that makes sense. They love him, but I just don't know how they would react. Did you bring up the possibility of getting married to your parents before you were engaged?

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

I did not. My husband and I talked about marriage for a few years though before he actually bought a ring and popped the question. He was brave enough to talk to my parents before he asked. He didn't really ask for permission, but he went over to my house when I wasn't home and he talked to them about our plans. Things that we had talked about, what kind of plans we had for the future, and basically just let them know what he/we were thinking. My dad was like cool, whatever. My mom was kind of upset, and made him promise not to push me into anything/to let me have my year of college like a normal person. She didn't want me to lose that college experience of living in a dorm, making new friends, etc. I think she just wanted me to get out there a little bit before I settled down so I knew for sure it's what I wanted. And it was a good idea. I met new friends and I gained new experience, but ultimately it showed me that what I really wanted was to be with him and that's when I was happiest was when I was with him. Because we waited that year, I think she took it a little better. 

Ultimately it is your decision. You have to do what's best for you, not what your parents want you to do. I know that can be hard when you're used to doing whatever makes them happy, but you have to put yourself first in this situation whether that makes your parents happy or upsets them. They'll still love you no matter what.

[Anti M]

Young couples can make it, they simply have very different challenges than older couples.  Military couples do tend to be young.  Some do grow apart, some grow together.  No way to tell which it will be.  I'm optimistic, if it doesn't work, they can part ways in a civil manner.  If the marriage works, then that's terrific. 

He won't be able to live offbase or off his ship until he's an E-5, which can take a few years.  So if you go to San Diego to be with him, it would be advantageous to be married.  And what if he loves the Navy and decides to re-enlist?  Many young people do not expect to take to the life so well, and he might love it in the fleet.  

There are a number of good community colleges in San Diego which are very affordable.  The larger universities are very crowded and difficult to get into.  As a military spouse, you would get in state tuition for one year.  After that you have to switch your residency, which is actually pretty simple. 

Good luck.

[Emily-aaronsgirl11]

Oh I didn't know in state tuition was only for one year!
Is that for every state or just California? Maybe I should look that up... My school has me listed as a resident again for next school year but I'd rather be safe than sorry. And I need to switch my residency over anyways, just haven't gotten around to it quite yet.

[Anti M]

It is state by state.  Most do allow it, but not every state.  Yes, be sure to follow up on your status, the rules can and do change!

[csan214]

Thank you. I'll be sure to take all of that into consideration!