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My SR decided to get married in secret and exclude the family
I figured if it could happen to me, it could happen to others. This wasn't unexpected, just disappointing and she wasn't as slick as she thought she was. I'm very sad to have been excluded from her plans and her the bright potential of her future.
Views: 549
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Saipan on
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I'm sorry that you are feeling sad because of this but just want to ask a few questions to better understand the story. Do you have a good relationship with her now-hubby or was it strained from the beginning? Is she stationed far from home and do you think she would have felt pressure to wait and plan a big wedding to please the family? Is there a deployment looming in the near future? For myself, we did not have anyone at our JOP wedding, just us. We both came from different parts of the country and we stationed together in an even further part of the country and there was never going to be a good time for us all to get together to celebrate so why should we have waited? We just up and did it and told our families that night over the phone. Everyone was fine, they were all reconciled to the fact that we would always be far from home. I truly hope that feel better soon and I'm sorry that she didn't feel like she could talk to you :(
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Permalink Reply by Janie (Navy Reserve recruit mom) on
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She's known him about two years, we tried to develop a good relationship with him, but he lied repeatedly and wasn't interested in trying to be a part of our lives because he knew we were aware of the lying and disapproved. He treated her poorly while they were dating. She'll be going to A school in South Carolina. We would never pressure her to have a big wedding as we don't have the ability to pay for that, but it would have been nice to at least have been included in her plans. She'll be in A school for a long time. Thank you Saipan, I'm sorry about it to. I just wanted to offer a point where others could discuss similar situations and not feel like they were so alone.
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I keep hoping I'll make it through the next hour without tears, but I keep missing it. Maybe I'll get through this next one.
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Permalink Reply by amandamomof4 on
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Aww janie that is disappointing. I am sorry you are so sad. It is hard when kids make decisions that we don't agree with. As hard as it will be you will have to accept that it is done and just give love and support from now on. It will take a while to build a real relationship with your son in law but you need to do everything you can to foster it. My oldest daughter got married while she was still in HS because her boyfriend was leaving for bootcamp. We did have a wedding when he finished his BC and A school. WE were not excited about the whole thing but we thought that acceptance would give us a better chance to have some influence than being disapproving would. They have been married for 3 yrs now and it has not always been easy for them or for me to hold my tounge. But I have been able to offer support and love when it was needed. Yes they have made mistakes but they have also grown and matured a lot these last few years.
My sailor son seems to be following in their footsteps as he and his gf are going to get married in DEC.I wish they would wait but again we can accept it and be included in their lives or we can be disaproving and get shut out.
Maybe you can plan a small reception party with them once she is done with A school? That could be a way to include the family in something.
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Thank you for the ideas. :)
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Permalink Reply by Proud mom of 2 sailors on
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I am so sorry that happened. My son became a sailor last year, when he arrived in San Antonio he married the girl he dated in high school. They have precious baby boy now and he is training with the Marines. She doesnt allow the family to see the baby..I truely understand what you are going through if you need to talk I am here. Again I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
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Thank you for your kindness, I'm sorry to hear of your situation also. I made through the day mostly without tears, so we have progress. I cannot imagine, for the life of me what these kids are thinking. *sigh*
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Thank you so much, I'm doing much better. Made it all the way through Friday without any tears and I've been too busy today with my little guy's birthday party to reflect on the situation much. I'm very concerned though because we got multiple calls from her bank's fraud department yesterday. Not knowing what is going on and not being able to help at all is quite daunting. Right now we're in "stand back & be patient" mode. It sucks, for the record. I love my daughter and wanted the best for her. I'm so disappointed in her behavior.
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I've discovered that there are several families going through similar situations, or further along in the process.
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Yes, and their mamas need some time & understanding friends to work through it.
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