Depression of husband

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

My husband has not been dealing, with our youngest leaving, well.   I thought I was going to be the basket case, but it looks like I will be spared - so to speak - because I will be distracted from the loss of our boy leaving and have to take care of keeping his dad moving forward. 

Anyone else dealing/dealt with this?

[Lovefuzzfaces]

I had the most difficult time for the first 2 months and then my husband seemed to catch up. My son is our one and only so it was a rapid change. Are your older kids male or female. He might need some extra attention from the others. A special dinner or movie.

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

he has two older half brothers.  He is the "spoiled" youngest.  Dad took him for a boys' weekend and I got him for a mom's weekend before he left. But it's my husband who is needing the attention - not our boy (who has been sounding better every time we hear from him).  

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

Funny you should post this now Vivian - just last week my hubby and I were sitting there watching tv - either football or baseball (always sports!) and I was on my kindle (on N4M) and hubby was on the laptop (probably EBay!) and he stopped and said "I really miss B and every time I think about him lately I just get so emotional, I just want to see him and hug him". I reminded him that we just saw him in July (he came home for 3 days leave) and we will be seeing him in December for power school graduation.....I think it had to do with his one year anniversary in the navy coming up (which is now today!).  I told him I feel like that most days - although it's a good feeling of missing him - not so much sad anymore but happy for what he is accomplishing.....Plus I talk about it more than hubby does - I'm on N4M every day and communicate with other moms.  Hubby doesn't really have anyone else that he talks to about our son being gone - I truly believe that N4M has helped me get through this - we can all relate to each other.  We have a son at college too but it's not the same.

Take time to acknowledge your feelings of missing your son - it's great that you can be distracted by taking care of your hubby but you need to allow time for yourself to process the change.....keep coming on N4M and know that we are all here for you too!  And tell your hubby there is also www.navydads.com.  It's the same type of thing as N4M but all the guys get together & talk.  I'm on there too - my hubby doesn't really do much with the computer (except Ebay) but I read up on Navy Dads & fill hubby in on what's going on over there too....and of course I pass on all the info I have learned here too.

Hang in there - it does get easier over time!

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

Thanks.  I sure hope so.  Been talking about finding someone for him to talk to!  

[Lovefuzzfaces]

Actually, I mean,t in the earlier post that the older siblings should take Dad out. If the other two are yours - that may be some of the issue. I have found that texting and face time have made a difference for me. Is your son stationed in a place he can text or do face time? Having a smart phone or I pad makes this easier. I am. Glad my son is doing so well but also sad as I know it will be years before he is around more than a few weeks at a time. I think it is easier in general for women who are comfortable sharing their feelings even with total strangers. Hope he uses the navy Dads site but it would be the rare man who will admit their feelings to someone they do not know.

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

Our boy is still an SR at GL.  PIR 11/27.  The older boys are his.  One is in Vegas and the other is Army Airborne in N. Carolina. 

I think I did better because I have had 19 years experience of sending his dad (USMC & USAF) out more times than I can count.  I just try to stay busy and you're right, women are willing to ask for help from those who have gone before. 

He has said he cruised through the N4D site.  I don't know if he joined it or not.  

Taking him out to a party tomorrow.  He's excited about getting dressed up (it's a costume party).  Keeping him busy making plans for the drive to PIR too.   I hope planning the route and the stops is helping him feel less out of control. 

[Lovefuzzfaces]

Good way to start the conversation. He is now the person at home. I wonder if he is starting to recognize what he had missed all the time he was away. I have had the opportunity to work with military or former military families. I have been amazed how well- adjusted the children are. They often moved multiple times in their lives but most said they had a happy childhood. Most were more tolerant and flexible than the average person.

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

I think you are right about that.  Our boy adapts very well to new places even though he's not much of a people person. 

Talked a bit with my husband and you are right - he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.  Says he feels like he no longer has a purpose.  No one "needs" him.  Wow - been going through that myself but my job is a great distraction.  I told him he needs to volunteer for a group he wants to support.  Keep your fingers crossed.  He is considering it.  

[Lovefuzzfaces]

Volunteering is wonderful . There is so much need out there. I am looking forward to retirement so I can volunteer. I know the Red Cross has a military division. If you or he need other volunteer ideas you can message me. I am a social worker.
PS I don't know how far you are from Lackland. My son is there.

[vivian (Ship 03, Div 021)]

thanks!  

We are in Athens.  2 hours East of Dallas.  Lackland is a ways off.  Is your boy there for school or is stationed there?

[Lovefuzzfaces]

He is at A school for a few more weeks. Then he goes to WA state.

[B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet)]

Hi Texasnavymom - this thread is pretty old but if you look through the comments you might get some ideas to help your husband. Also, he might want to join the Navy Dads website.  Here's the link (and of course he's also welcome to join Navy for Moms if he wants!):

Navy Dads