Not fitting in

[29junkie]

I really think this site is a great resource, but I don't think I'm fitting in well. My son left for BC yesterday and we had know since November he was. I'm not heartbroke, I'm not crying at the slightest thing, not sleeping with his pillow/shirt/stuffed animal, etc.

Not saying it wasn't hard to walk away. I cried. I worry. I'm concerned & hoping things go well, but also knowing he's going to have hard times. This is his journey though, not mine. I'm here to be strong for him & support him.

I guess seeing everyone's post make me wonder if I'm heartless. I would love to comment on posts, but I think my posts won't really feed into the tears & loneliness.....

Any others out there like me just looking for information & friends that are on the same page I am?

[29junkie]

Thanks!

[msmomma]

I went thru a tough couple of weeks but after BC was over. I could relax a bit. When he first left for BC I couldn't even change his sheets. I guess I was struggling with the "what ifs". I'm more relaxed now that he is at Groton and I can talk to him so much more often. (and skype)  You are right- this is their journey and we have hopefully prepared them for it.  Don't be hard on yourself, you are not heartless. We are all different and handle things differently.

[29junkie]

Nice to hear you have adjusted. I think it's a huge adjustment for everyone. Hopefully he's enjoying the choice he made :)

[Joniana (Helen)]

I understand your feelings 100% about losing the dream of what you imagined for your child.  Our son stunned us after one semester of college by his decision.  However, some of that sadness is tempered greatly by seeing how satisfied and happy he is so far.  He, too, is entering the nuke program -- and that's a whole other dimension!  I highly recommend joining the Nuke Moms group -- for the most part, it's a very informative, supportive group and there are several dads who contribute significantly.  If you would like to PM me, please do so.  Hang on, it's definitely a roller-coaster ride!

[29junkie]

Shifting gears is really hard. We envisioned all the same with ours & none of it panned out. When the Navy discussion came along, we grabbed it & embraced it. At that point we weren't sure what he was going to do.

Military is normal to me though, so for me & my family - it's a normal part of growing up & finding a path. I know once it becomes real for you & your son the beautiful wonderful feeling of supporting a sailor will overpower any of the other directions he might have taken.

[BunkerQB]

One of the benefits of being a nuke is the training. Getting a college degree and being a nuke are not mutually exclusive. We know a young man who joined the Navy right out of high school, got his degree in electrical engineering from a university in the mid-west, applied to the Officer Candidate School program after graduation. After being an officer for 5 years, he got his MBA from a very prestigious university.  When his 20 years is up, he'll just be early 40s with a wonderful resume.  Make sure he checks out the STA21 program.

Many young men and women get tire of going to school. I applaud their decision to "work" for awhile. After 5/6 years, he will have a healthy bank account plus the GI Bill to help him with his educational cost.  He will be one of the older students be will probably sale right thru w flying colors.

[MaggieMay]

I love this discussion!  I normally don't bother to read these (sorry but I'm guilty of just following my groups on my phone) but today I got on my computer and this discussion jumped out at me.  Perhaps it was because I had to say good-bye to my sailor yesterday, no mine has not just left for bootcamp, he's been in the Navy for over 2 years.  He was home on leave.  I admit I'm a blubbering mess when I have to say good-bye.  Cried the day he left for bc, cried at PIR (pride emotions were overflowing!) and have cried every time I've had to say good-bye. That last hug is always my melting point!! But once he's gone I pull up my big girl panties and strut my stuff because I'm a Navy Mom and Proud of It!!!!!  My wish to all new moms and dads is that the pride they have in their children outweigh the sadness of missing them.  We all miss our kids and how we deal with them being away from home varies from person to person.  I have never gone into my son's room and just sat there and cried, nor have I smelled his clothes. Before he left for boot we joked and I told him not to send home his underwear so when I got the "boy in a box" I got a big laugh because there was no underwear in there!  I wondered too if I was different because it seemed like other moms got so upset when they received the box. Part of being a parent is watching our children go out into the world and start their own life and it's very rewarding as a parent to know we've given them the skills they need to succeed.   I've always encouraged my son to chase his dreams and when he told me he wanted to join the Navy to see the world I was thrilled. My son is 21, lives in Japan (when not on deployment) has been to Australia, Singapore, South Korea and Hong Kong, how many moms can say that?!!!  The Navy has made my son mature into a fine young man.  We are very close and he calls me often even on deployment but he's very lucky to have a job with access to a phone so that really helps.  I never tell my son I miss him or that I'm sad but I do tell him I love him and how proud I am of him.  I love hearing about the places he gets to go and about his Navy life but even when things may not be going so well the last thing he needs is a sobbing mom when he calls home.  While home on leave he told me he's going to try to re-enlist and if there is opportunities to go to Spain or Italy that's where he'd like to go next, of course I was very encouraging.  So even though I may only get to see my son but once a year I'm not sitting at home crying over it.  There's a lot of good info on N4M's so I encourage you to look for groups of interest to you.  My son is also in Aviation Electronics (ATI) so if you have any questions feel free to shout out to me.   Good luck to your son and you and don't worry you're a great mom!!!!

[29junkie]

This thread has really opened a door I think for those of us who are walking down a different path through this. I admit, I want to cry at times...but  when I think about it I just can't. My son is alive, well & growing up. Isn't that what life's about? They say the teenage years are ugly to help us let go. Trust me when I say my son took ugly and turned it into a very long process! LOL!!

Yea, my son actually ISN"T in AI, he's an AB - he said AI in our last conversation, but I'm sure nerves & such were mixing up his thought process. Found out the "real deal" when his box arrived & I snooped through his documents, lol.

[jlgsmgcgg]

Oh my gosh you are doing good!!  Our only child did this 2 years ago and I was a mess-I cried all the time couldn't sleep not hearing from him was the hardest-But hang in there it does get better and what a difference it makes in your child-They are so much more mature you wont believe it-What they say is true in like and boy and out as a man-

[29junkie]

I cannot wait to see who he becomes! This is a huge step in his life & something he needs.

[MDESFRED]

Joshmom, that was great.  You are right there are going to be many hellos and goodbyes over the next several years. Including spaces of time, like BC, that we may go without any contact.

[Denise Maryland]

My son leaves in just under 2 weeks, I am excited for him to start this journey and am very proud of this decision for him.  I feel I am very similar to you in this.  I will cry I cry at most ceremonies but i too do not see me as feeling as sad  as others we all react differently.  I think that is ok.  This is still a great place to at least feel part of their journey and learn what his new life has in store for him/ them. 

Denise