Not fitting in

[29junkie]

I really think this site is a great resource, but I don't think I'm fitting in well. My son left for BC yesterday and we had know since November he was. I'm not heartbroke, I'm not crying at the slightest thing, not sleeping with his pillow/shirt/stuffed animal, etc.

Not saying it wasn't hard to walk away. I cried. I worry. I'm concerned & hoping things go well, but also knowing he's going to have hard times. This is his journey though, not mine. I'm here to be strong for him & support him.

I guess seeing everyone's post make me wonder if I'm heartless. I would love to comment on posts, but I think my posts won't really feed into the tears & loneliness.....

Any others out there like me just looking for information & friends that are on the same page I am?

[29junkie]

It was weird when mine left, I kinda thought I should be more emotional than I was. Big thing is I know he's fed, warm & safe....what more can a mom ask for?!

[LeeAnn]

I'm feeling a lot like you are.  The final parting was rough for me, but after a couple of days, I was okay.  It's now been a full week, and I have no worries at all.  I wonder what he's doing at this particular moment, but I'm not obsessing about him being gone.  I feel like you do - kind of heartless after reading some of the posts on here.  I miss him, but it's more of a dull little ache.  Matt has always been able to adapt to any situation.  He has always been on the small, skinny side, and counselors were worried about him moving from middle to high school because of his size.  He has a killer wit and is able to win friends easily.  I know he is okay.  He may be little homesick, but he's probably considering this an adventure.  I raised him the best I could, and now he needs to use what I taught him to succeed.

[29junkie]

LeeAnn, I agree with you completely. Mine needed to move on & find people who believed in him (other than mama). He needed the Navy more than the Navy needed him. It's going to be hard & challenging, but those aren't bad things in life.

[MaggieMay]

I am so proud of you ladies.  You have the right attitude being positive and seeing all the good that is coming for your child.  Sure it's very hard to say goodbye (and quite acceptable to cry when you watch them leave) but when your child is doing something great with their life than what's to be sad about.  Trust me the Navy really does take care of our kids and they mature so much.  It's been such a wonderful experience for me to see my son grow up and I love the excitement in his voice when he tells me about his adventures.  My son is very happy with his life and that makes me happy.  I'm proud of him and what he's doing, I have no reason to be sad.  Sure the long times between seeing him and not having him around for holidays really does suck at times but as long as he's happy I'm happy and when he does come home we celebrate!  You ladies are going to be just fine.

[29junkie]

We definitely are. I think those of us that aren't wearing our hearts on our sleeves help those who do. I'm loving that he's there & growing...much better choice than most of the local work around here.

[AmiesMom]

I didn't cry when my daughter left.  I still haven't cried three weeks later.  I was very sad and I got a little watery eyed when I dropped her off with the recriuter for the ride down to meps, but no crying.  I'm carrying on with life and I'm not crippled by grief or anything.  I was very happy to hear from her on Saturday when she called and we chatted and laughed.  When it was time for her to hang up I was very upbeat and my happy lasted the rest of the day.  I miss her every day, I pray for her and her unit to make it through bc safely every night, and when I see her on graduation day I will be one proud mama.  Our job is to raise them right and let them go.  The raising part is done.  We gave it our best and now our kids are moving on to bright futures.  I find it hard to be sad about that.

[29junkie]

You did good mom!!! I agree completely...too much pride to be sad :)

[Tx Mom of Far Away Nuke]

My son had already gone to college and gotten his degree in Electrical Engineering.  I was better prepared for his absence though I hated not being able to contact him.  We aren't programmed robots so I think differences are to be expected.

Please don't feel that you don't fit in.  This website is a resource for you.  It is definitely helpful at graduation.  :)

[tcrod2828]

You are not alone.  I read all the post and they make me sad, and I want to cry. Not for myself, but for the person writing the post. I feel for them.  I am in a different situation.  My son is 24 and joining. The best choice for him.  He is a brilliant, smart, kind young man.  He just did not find his passion in college.  I believe he has found his passion.  He is the happiest I have seen him in a long time.  I am very proud of him.  I will cry when he leaves, but I know he will be alright. I will just miss him.  We are a close knit family, and it will be an adjustment for us all. We will survive.  He will be living out his journey in life, and we will have to continue ours.  Keep posting, this site is good for accumulating information. Glad I found you, I was starting to feel like I did not fit in either.:)

[29junkie]

Yours sounds like mine, round peg/square hole. I think this is the best place for them...plus it gives me some awesome bragging rights!!!

[wildcat81]

I felt the same as you the first several times I logged on.  In fact, this is the first I've posted anything.  My son left Jan 28th, I've received the scripted call, the box of clothes, the first form letter, and now my first phone call.

It all feels like a totally normal part of moving forward in our lives. We have worked toward and prepared for this moment of leaving the nest since the first day of high school.  Whichever path they chose.   I've reared my 3 children as a single parent for the past 11 years and we've always done everything together.  I've been very involved in all my children's activities - just short of being a helicopter.  But I also taught them to be independent and make smart choices, so I can only hope that some of that is coming into play when they're away from home.

Yes I was sad when he left, there is a weird quiet that hangs in the air at our house, but we expected that.  This is something he has dreamed about doing since the 9th grade - I'm thrilled he has this opportunity.

The last thing I said to him before he left was, "Don't let anyone else's sadness or tears overshadow the excitement of this moment. This is your moment. This is your time - go shine."

[BunkerQB]

Beautiful! It was difficult enough for families with two parents but as a single parent to have your strength to let them fly is wonderful. You have given your son an incredible gift. Your independence will allow him to reach greater heights. It's is particularly difficult for single mothers to let go. Unfortunately, an exceptionally close relationship between a mother and son throughout the son's entire teen years may have a counter-productive effect on the young man.