Not fitting in

[29junkie]

I really think this site is a great resource, but I don't think I'm fitting in well. My son left for BC yesterday and we had know since November he was. I'm not heartbroke, I'm not crying at the slightest thing, not sleeping with his pillow/shirt/stuffed animal, etc.

Not saying it wasn't hard to walk away. I cried. I worry. I'm concerned & hoping things go well, but also knowing he's going to have hard times. This is his journey though, not mine. I'm here to be strong for him & support him.

I guess seeing everyone's post make me wonder if I'm heartless. I would love to comment on posts, but I think my posts won't really feed into the tears & loneliness.....

Any others out there like me just looking for information & friends that are on the same page I am?

[Bubbiesmom]

no it definitely is not

[Trent's Mom]

I didn't cry or go in to a depression.  I felt I had to be strong for him and support his decision. We all handle our grief differently and I think you and I are on the same page. I think the hardest thing for me to accept was the fact that I can't be there to protect him anymore and he has to face his journey alone. I too, felt a bit heartless but I feel comfort in knowing that I did such a great job as a single mom. He made me proud. I joined this site to keep up on their activities and movements, if any. Glad I'm not the only one that feels they don't need therapy.

:)

[AmyTX]

You are perfectly normal! I was the same way.  I missed my son but I was also glad to see he was starting his own life.  Our oldest son wanted to join the navy before he graduated high school and we didn't let him and have regretted that since. So when Anthony wanted to join we let him join right away and don't regret anything.  Hope all goes well with you and your sailor and have the peace of mind to know that you are normal!

But he is on a sub now so I'm not sure how they talked him in to that or if he is just crazy!

[IDCmom#1]

Oh my goodness, I have been reading this thread for months now and have not wanted to intrude on others thoughts but it has almost become a tit for tat discussion.  We all have something in common, someone we love is or was in the Navy.  I think the majority of us are mothers of sailors.  Just based on that, we all fit in.  But, we are individuals and our own experiences. 

When my son was 19 and joined the Army Reserves, I was the weeping mother, asking the van driver to drive safely with my precious cargo.  I know I embarrassed my son.  He ended up medically discharged (childhood injury) before boot camp was finished and I was disappointed for him but glad that my son wasn't being sent to Afghanistan with his unit. 

[BunkerQB]

I hadn't heard the expression "tit for tat" in ages. I googled it. Here's what I found.

"Repayment in kind, as for an injury; retaliation." and "an equivalent given in return or retaliation; blow for blow"

I didn't see tit for tat trending. I do agree with your next 3 sentences.

"We all have something in common, someone we love is or was in the Navy.  I think the majority of us are mothers of sailors.  Just based on that, we all fit in.  But, we are individuals and our own experiences." 

What does your sailor specializing in?  How is he (she?) doing?  All mothers of military personnel share a common bond. Rest of the world just don't understand.

[Bandit1998]

I think you have probably raised your son to be very independent and deep down you know this is probably the best thing for him.  This is the first step in the rest of their lives.  I am so happy for my grandson, but miss him also.  Just not crying all the time over it.  I don't think anything is very different in you...you sound like a very strong woman.  We will see how much I cry at graduation on June 20th.  I may have to eat my words!

[Tracey_ship14div186]

I supported my daughter's decision to join the Navy since she was a junior in high school.  I cried when she left and miss her greatly, but I am excited about the future she has in front of her.  I, like you, are here to be strong for her and to support her new path in life.

[ZoFee]

Don't worry you are not the only mom who feels like she's not doing enough of this stuff. I haven't sent him even one care package! As long as your kids talk to you  then you must be doing something right. I miss my son but I'm glad he's not still at home as most of his friend's are. Living in San Francisco it's especially hard to leave home even if you want to. At first I was afraid he wanted to join just to be able to get away from me,lol, but we've talked and it's nothing like that. I grew up without family so I guess I don't feel the need as much as so many other parents to be quite so involved in this kind of stuff. This is  a good place to check in  and yes there are other not so doting parents out there besides you. And btw sounds like you are a great mom and have raised fine independent kids.

Zo

[Moonwillow]

ZoFree the one thing you do NOT want to send is a care package. The only thins you can send are letters, photos, and things like that. My SR's recruiter told a story of a recruit who got a box of cookies, his commander made him eat the whole box in front of all the other recruits and then the whole DIV had to do a 10 mile run...the poor kid was barfing up cookies by mile 2

 A letter will be fine and is encouraged. 

[lemonelephant]

Her Sailor is now in "A" School and can receive care packages.

[nannette6209]

Boot camp is hard.  His first few letters, if you get any, might be discouraging.only respond with how long he has left and ask if he needed dental care.  He gets little phone time and he'll want to tell you what hes done and hell want living onfo on family and pets.  Really just minutes.  The graduation will deliver a new son to you. A healthy, fit, In control and respectful child will greet you.  The graduation blew me away, it was stunning.  My son turning into such am amazing man in 6 weeks turned my life around.  Be his rock now so he can be yours later.He might be uncharastically emotional, allow him to share, this is no boy scout trip.

[zacsfan]

I go between what you feel and the emotional mom. He joked that he would end up like the movie napoleon dynamite so I am glad we aren't heading that way! We all deal with things differently... neither way is wrong... so post away.. I think you probably have some great reasons for me to keep smiling and to be proud!