Haven't Heard From My Daughter Yet - is that a good sign?

[Porter's Mom]

My daughter arrived at Boot Camp on May 14th - we received the 30 second call, her box of clothes and stuff and the letter stating her anticipated graduation date.  Is it unusual not to have received a second call or letters by now?  We are writing every day but I have to say I'm sad and super anxious to hear from her and that she is doing fine and progressing as planned.

Porter's Mom

[Lisa4183]

Still waiting to hear from my son as well. I keep repeating the mantra: "no news is good news". But I would really love to hear his voice and that he is doing as well as I think he is doing. Thank goodness for this site. Helps knowing you're not the only one going thru this. Thank you to all the ladies for your advise and words of wisdom. Happy Friday to all. Another one down!!

[RitaCarmen]

Hello Porter's Mom,

My son went on the same day. We got the 30 second call (which made us cry) and then it seemed to take forever but we received a small note in the mail just yesterday. I hope this encourages you. Just wait a little longer and hang on. We're in this together for the long haul.

Jonathan's Mom

[amilynne]

My daughter left for boot camp this past Tuesday, 5/27.  Our phone call came in at 11:57 EST, I missed her first call on my cell and my husband talked to her on his cell.  Heartbreaking moment for me as I did not get to talk to her (might have been for the best anyway)!!  Odd thing occurred yesterday, 5/30 at around 2pmEST, while I was at work, my husband received a call from my daughter on our home phone (he works from home) stating that she was coming home.  She robotically stated as if she were reading off a piece of paper that "She was too good for her division and she worte obscene letters"  It was a 20 second call with yelling in tha background.  I immediately called her recruiter (of course they were off for the weekend!!) and have heard nothing back.  Has anyone ever experienced this?  I am a little frustrated at this point because we know absolutely nothing.  I know she is 19 and considered an adult, but to be told "I'm coming home" with no forthcoming information is torture.  I am supportive of the process of creating a soldier, what I am not supportive in is involving parents and if she is truly coming home, why no details?  Can anyone help me, I am less than 24 hours into this recent debacle and about to lose my mind.  I can't work out any more than I already have. Thanks for any input.

[Anti M]

So sorry you are experiencing this much stress.  Often a young person cannot adjust to the boot camp atmosphere, it is called failure to adapt.  She has not earned the privilege to call home with explanations, as hard as that is for you.  Also, she may not have enough details to give you yet. 

It can take a couple weeks to process her back out, in the meantime, she is still attached to the Navy and will be in a holding unit, required to still follow Navy regulations. It is a tough thing to go through.  

[amilynne]

Can they determine a "failure to adapt" with a recruit who has been at boot less than 72 hours?

[Anti M]

From the brief message you posted, I'd be inclined to say yes, they could. In fact, the first 72 hours is when they do a lot of the weeding out.  

I was also in the Navy, so I know the recruits have an opportunity to correct their behavior if they make a mistake.  But not too many opportunities.  

[amilynne]

I cannot lie, my brain is going a million miles a minute and I am trying so hard not to feel the utter dissapointment that I have brewing in my gut should it be true that my child is one who is unable to adapt.  I am not the type of mom who would say "not my kid" but I am shocked that she would be so intolerant of authority.  I can only hope that she is able to turn herself around as this was her decision. It's not like we didnt' discuss a plethora of options when it came to a life path, finding ways to pay for college, etc.  I just wish I knew all the facts.  As we all know, there are 3 sides to a story but I guess with the military, there is only 1 side!  Thank you so much for your input, I truly appreciate it. 

[Anti M]

I hope you hear more soon, and when she gets home, you two can choose a new path for her.  

[AZNavymom]

Please check my reply below and feel free to private message me as well.

[AZNavymom]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Not knowing details is so frustrating! They do a lot of weeding out those first few days. And honestly, some of it seems fair and logical and some of it seems unfair and illogical. Here is the important thing: do not take this as a failure by your child. She may be even more disappointed than you are that this did not work out.

I won't turn this into a story about my son, other than to say he was sent home after a few days because of his ADHD, which was fully reported on his enlistment papers and also with his recruiter. It was all in writing and initially accepted. What I have since discovered is that being sworn in APPEARS to be being accepted into the Navy but it is really just one minor step into being accepted. Bootcamp is pretty much comparable to 2nd interview if you were to think of the job process in the civilian world. Your daughter will likely be sent to ship 5 and there is a support area on this same Navyformoms website for those with kids in ship 5. This is basically the holding area for those waiting to go home. It usually takes about a month in ship 5 before they go home. They can call more often once they are there and then you will get more of the story.

You will see there are many reasons (often emotional) for being sent to ship 5 and then home. Some recruits simply admit to being homesick or sad and are sent home. Keep in mind that if they put a label such as anxiety or depression on your daughter, this is simply their observation in bootcamp and does not mean she has a lifelong diagnosis in the civilian world. It only means what they saw for a few days in bootcamp. My son met many recruits in ship 5 and there were many reasons for being sent home. Most of them were good men (they separate men/women in ship 5) , so again, please don't think any less of your daughter. If you want to private message me, I can tell you more. Good luck.