Not fitting in

[29junkie]

I really think this site is a great resource, but I don't think I'm fitting in well. My son left for BC yesterday and we had know since November he was. I'm not heartbroke, I'm not crying at the slightest thing, not sleeping with his pillow/shirt/stuffed animal, etc.

Not saying it wasn't hard to walk away. I cried. I worry. I'm concerned & hoping things go well, but also knowing he's going to have hard times. This is his journey though, not mine. I'm here to be strong for him & support him.

I guess seeing everyone's post make me wonder if I'm heartless. I would love to comment on posts, but I think my posts won't really feed into the tears & loneliness.....

Any others out there like me just looking for information & friends that are on the same page I am?

[rebkas]

Yep. Mine doesn't leave until October, but I can't imagine I'll be a zombie afterwards. I guess my thinking is that I have faith in the Man I raised and I know he'll be ok and do well.

[Navymom1]

Thank you all for this thread.  I'm not crying either.  I'm happy for him and proud of him.  The information on here is invaluable.

[DASMom]

ME!!!! No doubt I miss my daughter, she brought a lot of fun and laughs to our home! I do get sad at times, but the excitement of what she is going to experience makes me smile! She spent 4 years in marching band and thrives on discipline and achievement so I pray she will be strong through this!

[NavyMomOfMCT]

I got stupid crazy crying since before the 4th of July. I told myself I would not let him see me cry AGAIN on HIS day. He did not! Then I felt like shit thinking all sorts of insane thoughts that he 'may' be thinking since he didn't see me cry. How silly is that!? My son knows I love him and how proud I am of him for making this and kinda sort of all the decisions he has made since graduating HS. We all cry. Not always when we can be seen but we cry <3

[jrw105]

Your "not fitting in" subject caught my eye. I'm happy for my son and thrilled to be getting letters, but don't feel I'm where others are. I had my son late in life and he was my miracle child, but he's pretty much been doing his own thing and I've been there watching, lol. He's a wonder and always manages to amaze me at his accomplishments. It doesn't mean I don't worry or pray for him daily, but it's such a great feeling to see someone who is part of you be a part of society and succeeding in his way. I am glad I found this post and subject. Thank you.

[sheriboberri]

We miss our son as he is at Boot Camp right now. I did get tears when he hugged all of his family good bye, but haven't cried since. I'm sure I will cry when I see him in his uniform graduating, but I'm not the constantly crying type. I hope that helps!

[Xina143 SHIP 14 DIV 274]

I cried when my son left, I cried almost all day at little things that set me off.  BUT he is finding his path in life, and that is what is supposed to happen. I don't agree with you that this is his journey, not yours. He's your son. He's a part of you. You can't hold his hand at every crossroad, but you have his back right? Therefor it's your family's journey as well.

That doesn't mean you need to cry at every turn, lay around in his dirty clothes and kiss his old stuffed animals. As others have said, we all react differently. 

I miss him dearly, but seeing the pride in my husband's face, the excitement when we learn new things about his rating, etc...it's making me look at this journey in a different way, and that has helped.

I think we are all at different stages when it comes to saying goodbye to our children-no right or wrong.

[Cybermama Ship 09, Div 160]

I had my only child, my sailor son, very late in life, too. Long ago I prepared myself for his leaving. He went to college outside the mainland US. The evening after all the orientation stuff was over, before we caught the plane to return home, my husband and I felt lost. The Kid did just fine and made a trip home every Christmas. We visited him and spirited him off for fun stuff once a year. After graduation, he returned home with us. When it came time to go to MEPs, we were all ready. He is in Charleston now and we hope to visit this fall. He is his own man now and we must respect that. But I do stare at his baby pictures and wonder how he grew up so fast!

[Bandit1998]

A friend of mine once said, "when they are young, they step all over your toes and when they are grown, they step all over your heart".  I guess leaving home is sorta like stepping all over your heart.

[Cerise]

I signed on to this web site late, my son is in Power School in Charleston now.  When he told us that he wanted to enlist, I wasn't happy, it was scary to me that he signed away so may years of his life, years that others would fully decide over.  The time between him signing the papers and waiting for BC - a 10 month wait for him was hard for me, but by the time he actually left, I had come to terms with it.  He's an adult and it is his life.  He went to college for a year, did not do well and I think felt lost, we suggested a different major, but he didn't want that, instead went to a recruiting office and they got their "claws" in to him.  ;-)

So far, he seems to enjoy it and if he's happy, I'm happy. 

[Knicky (Ship14Div351)]

My husband left for BC and then straight to A and currently in C school going on a year now....and I'm fine with it. Some of it might be because I was born into the military and then was in the military myself but I think some of it is just my nature. I was upset, I cried for a while, occasionally when I would look at his pics I would get upset but that was only for the first few weeks...after that I had the mindset of "Now I'm in charge and I have to get Sh$& done!" So don't feel like you don't "fit in" just because your not on the floor rolling around with gasping breaths and tears. Some people just react differently. The main thing is that you support him!

[SumnerRain]

I feel like I am in the middle of the road.  I dropped my son off Wednesday morning at the recruiters.  I took his siblings and his best friend to the recruiters office and we all (not his dad, he said goodbye on Monday before I took him to the airport until August on business) hugged him goodbye and he walked inside.  I didn't walk him in.  I didn't go to the hotel and take him out to dinner, or watch him swear in.  I was sad, I did tear up, but I didn't cry.  I do miss him, I am sad looking at his empty room.  I did cry a little after his "I'm here" phone call, but while on the phone I listened, and then said "Thank you for letting me know, I love you" and hung up.  I do get a little more emotional at sad TV shows.  I do miss hearing his voice, but I am not falling apart or smelling his old clothes (they are all packed up anyways).  I will be taking the clothes he does not want to Goodwill this weekend without hesitation.  I gave away all his furniture without getting upset about it.  I have a small pile of his stuff he still wants sold that I will sell and put the money into his account.

I married my husband when I was 18, he joined the Army the same year.  He was active duty for 8 years, serving 25.5 months overseas back to back to Korea and then straight to Iraq.  When he was injured in Iraq, he became a military contractor and has gone back to Iraq and Afghanistan twice, one time for 20 months.  This is the life I have known my entire adult life.  I know they leave, and then come back.  I know what it is like to go months without a phone call, or letter.  I remember as a newlywed teenage girl sending off a boy to basic, and him coming back as a man.  I had a new baby and had to learn to be strong for him, and he encouraged me to grow up as well. 

I don't have the luxury to fall apart right now, I have 4 other children ages 16, 9, 6, and 3 who are missing their brother and their daddy, and don't understand that their brother won't come home in a few weeks, or months, like their dad does when he's back from a deployment or operation.  All I can do is hug my other babies a little tighter, keep busy, and keep on living my life like I was before.